Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Day 160 : The origin

Recently I realized on specific fear which I was not able comprehend when I was young, energy movement within me, not understood, not seen, not solved. The fear towards the money, fear as energy within and as me, fear as experience within me as how I got those money, judgment of such act, judgment of me, and hiding me  and hiding money, thinking and believing that I can’t reveal that I have those, how I get those, and obviously fear as consequences of me being truthful, and punished.
                In this, the energy I experienced has been suppressed, forgotten, and me separating from such energy, in absolute blindness what this few moments in my life, will bring me to the future. I was 8 or 9 years old boy, and the journey of my life, directions, actions, has been written already, by this fear, and it was just one of many.

                The moment I realized the origin of this fear, I became sad and the sadness is me. Sadness because of where this fear led me, sadness because I was not able to see that, because I separated myself form such energy, and once I became one with this fear, I saw far back to my past within few moments, I saw me experiencing this fear as young boy , and points written above. What I created, what I accepted that moments, changed my life and lead myself where I do not wanted to be. Sadness as a realization of such events which took place, and the seeing how everything could be different entirely once I would be able to understand such fear that time, to see , realize and comprehend what it is within me, what and why this movement happened, what it means, and what could be possible consequences. Even I had no understanding that time that consequences will be really rough. It was impossible.

                Within this, I looked back and how everything could be, if I would get real support of those around me, but each one was blind and deaf the same way I was. It was impossible to be supported, it was impossible to assist me, support me, as everything around me served only one point, to brainwash me, to blind me, to deceive me, and mostly that what I experienced and separated myself from.

                The origin of fall is separation, and the separation if fear. I never lived anything else, just this two points, separation from everything in existence in fear of myself. I separated from energy movements I experienced as a young boy, and I suppressed them even I do not notice I am doing so. I had no idea what I am doing, why I am doing and what are mechanics to do so. And those points, became covered with so much bullshits around, that many times I tried to see what it is, I was not able. Interestingly, because I realized, that separation is the problem of solving such energies within me, and each moment I was able to became equal with accumulated energy within me, and it was always fear, I was able to see clearly and directly all relevant points how, when and why I created such energy experiences within me.

                Those cleverly suppressed, I was bullying myself around and desperately trying to solve, but with no success and each time with bigger and bigger fall. The mechanics of dimensions interconnected within my mind, and the points and how each one has relevance to each other, and this interconnectedness of this points with such energies, many times makes me believe that it is impossible to solve it and became truly free from such deception of me I became.

                Each moment, each reaction, each thought, each energy and my self definition, served me well to be deceived, and I took it all, and I was so young.

                How could I see and realize, what the road of my life will be, as I lived in absolute blindness of that what is going within me. I even do not understood that I am able to see into me, as I thought that I have to look outside.

                And yet, I became a bit angry and I am angry of all parents within this existence, you have no idea which road you are creation in front of your children, you are absolute blind what you are saying to your children, what you words will create, and how you will kill everything of innocence of your child, just for your fucking ego. I became angry of all being within this existence which dare to bring children here, without real knowledge, without seeing and understanding what it means to support children, and I became angry as you dare to say you love your children, but you are fucking liars as only what you love is your fucking ego and your own fucking bubble made up of believes and ideas but anything real? No.

                And you dear parents, you have no idea what your children will have go through and what your children will became slave into, and you dear parents are directly responsible for everything your children is and will became. There is maybe zero probability that any of parent will see and realize that what you are in fact doing, is enslaving your children, killing and destroying everything your children as innocence of life is, because you are already dead and thus you want to kill the life, free life in front of you, because you believe, you are doing that for goodness of your child, but actually, you are just fucking ego maniacs, with no common sense, with no compassion, with no understanding, just thinking the ideas and believing what you are doing is good. And you will defend your right to abuse your children, to lie to your children, to manipulate your children, and you will protect this because you thing that this children belongs to you and thus you must to have right to make slave as you are just a slave lost in dogmas and believes about yourself, and yet, you even maybe to be proud of, that what will you children became, is actually dead zombie seeking and searching just for energy as you are.

                Yes, this is the circle of parenting and children’s in this world, and no children gets real support for life, and this is sad as the most way sad could be.

                I came through this, and there is no child in this world, which deserve your bullshits to bullied, there is no child which deserve you dogmas and you torture with your judgments, orders and requirements, no, no one.

                The separation I became living, is always based on fear, even separation from the fear, me as the mind, me as the breath, me as the body, I will bring back together everything of me I am into quality and oneness of me. I bring myself back to equality and oneness of me, and that is the road of my life I choose for me. No one will stop me, even me not.

                I choose for me to live me without fear, without fear of me.

Thanks, Juraj 

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