Sunday, July 31, 2011

Me and water – silent

                Some time ago, I was swimming at the lake, not too much, maybe just almost to the middle of the lake. I decided to go back, and as my condition is questionable I became little bit tired so I turn on my back and slowed down.

                Just only tiny movements I did, focusing on my breathing, on my tiny movements, in water, silent.  In that moment, there was nothing within me, just me and water. I felt nothing, no pain and no fear, no desires and no memories, no projections and no expectations, noting within me and I enjoyed the silence of me. My mind was silent, me breathing.

                In that moment, I was safe, it was like experience safety, like nothing can happen to me and nothing can harm me, nothing can move me, within me, and I enjoyed this moments.

                I would like to experience myself without anything within me each moment, as I was, it was just me and water.

Thanks, Juraj

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Me and water – Calm and Wild

                 I went through strong water turbulence with my kayak called “ bath “ and after I get off from “ bath “ the protection around my hips which is placed to prevent water pouring inside the kayak was withheld and I saw that in my boat lot of water get in.

                I felt that kayak became hardly controllable as with such big amount of water in it became slightly sinking down.

                I realized that I will be not able to get through next water curves and “baths “ as the last part of the water canal was really wild so I wanted to get with kayak near waterside to get off successfully.

                But the water jet was stronger than my ability to control boat and I realized that I will not be able to even get to water side and that I have to go through last part of water canal and through all baths there and curves.

                So I was just able to made last maneuver to straighten the boat with the water jet but it was hard, almost sinking and as the protection was down I realized that I will not be able to go through as next bath will drown me down completely.

                Simply, at the moment I knew I will go under water with kayak as the water stream was to strong, at the moment I knew I will not do it, impossible in such circumstances.

                As I was in the middle of the bath the kayak became completely full of water and uncontrollable and the water starts to play its own game. I was just able to throw away paddle and prepare myself to get off from boat while I will be under the water.

                Kayak and I turned to right and I am in the water, not breathing, just cold and darkness around me. I just feel strong turbulences of water, I catch the sides of kayak with my hands and I want to pull out myself, but something is wrong. My legs stuck in.

                Also the position of the boat was not “usual “as the beginning of kayak remained stuck under some rock and the end was up, the fact that boat was full of water complicated all of this.

                I tried to fight the situation and involve as much power as possible, nothing happened, but I didn’t panic, I was prepared for such situations, not exactly this one but I practiced different ones before.

                Fast moments passing and I realized that I let my legs on sides of kayak so I couldn’t pull myself out so I straighten the legs and finally get off, how easy it was.

                I had to get at the water side which was problematic in such water jet but I did it, slowly moving myself on the ground with hands, legs, completely exhausted, tired, just breathing and sitting there.

                Nothing existed in the moment.

                I had to go two times more through that canal that day, but something happened within me, inside me. I started to feel strong anxiety within me, I knew that this experiences changes a lot.

                I lost the courage to go again, so I used all excuses possible to my couch to do not force me to go again. He didn’t.

                Next day I practiced on that canal, the maneuvers in the water and waves, I noticed something, the way how I approached it changed.

                I lost courage, I lost trust in me. The respect I started to put in the waves in front of me, and experience from previous day, where I created anxiety within me, was end of the sport I loved the most.

                Kayak on wild water, and me, I loved that, and at the same time I started to feat it. No one I told to, why should I, it was just me and water.

Thanks, Juraj

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Me and water

                As a child, I had maybe 8-9 years, once I swam in the lake, not big one, but for me it was enough. Approximately in the middle of the lake, it was like losing power to continue, it became harder to control my muscles.

                It frightened me as I realized that if I’ll lose all strength I’ll drown. I saw people at the ground as people are tanning at the summer days and I wanted to scream on them and ask for help, but I even did not had strength to scream.

                So I realized that if I can’t ask for help and no one is around me to help me, it is me who have to help myself and it is me who have to do it and get all powers needed to get back on the ground.

                Thus I focused just only on that movement, on swimming, on muscles, breathe, nothing else. No fear, no useless anything, just me doing what’s necessary.

                I successfully get back on the ground, and at the same time I was really proud on myself, that I did it. No one knew this, no one I told to, why should I, it was just me and water.

                Thanks, Juraj

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Just walk

                I’ve put off my shoes one evening, because walking in that shoes became problematic as that one has been broken, and I continued walking home barefoot.

                I noticed how long I didn’t walk at the ground just without shoes, yes sometimes near be lake while swimming but this was different, as this was regular walking some distance.

                And I’ve put my foot on the grass and I enjoyed the grass and next step and next, wet grass under my feet and I walked onto sidewalk and it was little bit warm as it was evening of summer day.

                I’ve continued and I focused on my breath and the touch I experience with my feet, and also focusing to do not step into some broken glass or something which could harm my feet.

                And it was just me, walking and enjoying this simplicity, focused but calm.

Thanks, Juraj