Day 109 : Projections

                To project anything to the future, is the outcome and reflection of the past, thus this projection is just one possibility taken as derivative of the past, of lived memory and thus accepting and following seeing only that what one lived, accepted for oneself in the past, thus other possibilities of the future are not seen, as it is impossible because future per say do not exists.

                But what will happen as projection is irrelevant, as any possibility simply can happen. Just question is, who is self if faced unexpected situations, who is the direction of possibilities and why.

                Each moment, in fact we are facing extensive amount of possibilities of next moments, and by choosing this we are creating the future.

                Who chose, and why? It is the mind? Or it is self? Or, it is even necessary to chose anything? Isn’t just one principle enough? Principle of equality and oneness.

                And if one stand for this principle does one still choose anything? Or just live this principle?

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to believe that projections to the future are I am able to see in the mind are just everything I can see, not seeing and realizing that this projections are projections of the mind of possible future outcomes and not real seeing, as self see here, not in the mind as pictures.

                I forgive to myself that I have not accepted and allowed to myself to see and realize that I am able to see what is here as me as myself.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to look in the mind as picture projections of the future, not seeing and realizing that this picture presentations as projections are of the mind, as possible outcome as derivatives of my past, and nothing of that is real as it is in the mind and not here.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to have tendency to look into a future in the mind as picture presentations of the future, instead of see here, see myself here, and see myself as equal to others and others equal to me.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to look into a mind and through the mind to the future as picture presentations of the future, not seeing and realizing that all of this is based on mind components as fears, worries, desires, needs, wants, likeness or dislikes, and thus this have nothing to do with actual physical reality, as all of this is mind reality but not real physical world.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to look to the future through the mind not seeing and realizing that by this I am not seeing myself and thus I miss myself.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to trust these mind projections in my mind.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to put importance to these projections of the mind.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that these mind projections are probably valid.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not see and realize that anything of the pictures are simply of the mind.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not realize that mind have very limited ways how can operate and basic platform for the mind are pictures.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to interpret the pictures I see through the mind, instead of see what is here as physical.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not see and realize that mind can show me only its own limitation base on pictures stored in the mind already, and that mind is bound to this pictures, therefore I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to bound myself to the picture existence, not seeing and realizing that I defined myself to picture existence and thus defined myself according pictures I see and not see what is really here.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that this pictures I am able constantly see through my eyes are real, and by this limit myself just only to this pictures, and think and believe that what exists are this pictures.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to limit my seeing to see only pictures.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to be controlled through seeing only pictures.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to be influenced be seeing the pictures.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to react to pictures I see in front of me.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to separate from pictures I see in front of me.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to store these pictures within me and define myself to this stored pictures and create within me energetic connections to these pictures.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I have to react to these pictures with energetic reactions within me, and that if I react within me thus I live, instead of see and realize that simply pictures are of the mind, thus reactions to this pictures are of the mind, and that nor pictures nor reactions are real, just mind games of polarity and harvesting the energy.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I have to see pictures.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I need to see pictures.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to become controlled by the mind by seeing and looking on pictures.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to get control over me to my mind through accepting and allowing to see only pictures.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that picture world is real.

Thanks, Juraj

Day 36 : The future will never come

                I realized, that anything what I place within my mind to the future, thus it will never come, as it is already placed through separation to the future and what is here is thus not seen and not understood.

                No shortcut exist, no overlap, no jumping, as it is simply no possible as one moment end just only new one can come, one by one and anything what is place in mind in future thus is not real as it is idea, believe, desire, fear, or whatever else but it is not here.

                It is interesting, as I realized that this looking to the future, or placing “things” to the future, is like automatic way of living, where also expectations plays significant role.

                But can life expect anything? Can matter expect something to the future what will happen?

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to expect things that will happen by itself without my actions or participation, instead of making things happen.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to place fears, desires, expectations, ideas, believes to the future and thus create within me future projections about reality and how reality should works and what should happen instead of focusing on my breath, on my body, reality where I am with my body and thus solve that what is here and not that what is created within and as my mind as future projections thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to solve within my mind future projections instead of solving that what is here.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not participate on that what I do not understand and create within me the fear and resistance towards that what I do not know, instead of pushing myself and find out.

Thanks, Juraj

Day 3 : Sleep, sleep, remain in trance

                You need to sleep to grow up, You need to sleep because it is time to go to bed, You have to go sleep, You have to wake up - it is time, You can’t sleep longer, Go to bed – it is not time to wake up, You have to go to school – you have to wake up, Wake up – we go away, Wake up – we go to work, Wake up – we go to church, You have to sleep – otherwise you will be tired, You have to sleep – if don’t you will not be strong, To sleep 8 hours is good, I like to sleep 8 hours, I like to sleep really long, Is good to sleep 8 hours or more, you need it, and your body also. You must be tired, This is exhausting and hard – I will be tired, I feel I am tired, If I’ll do that – I will be tired, I worked hard – thus I must be tired, Do not disturb me – go to sleep.

                Some of the statements I heard from my parents, my family members, or others when I was young, some of them I took and start to believe that are true and some I rejected or became pisses off about, some I shaped according my perception of particular situation.

                As a young boy, when I was looking forward on something which should happen tomorrow, I can’t stay in bed when I opened eyes and jumped out of the bed, when school years come I postponed my jumping from bed and over years it was no longer jumping but rather sneaking.

                What was in my mind as next day responsibilities, issues, possible experiences etc. therefore according this my waking up shaped and time how long I spent in bed.

                As a child, when I had to learn English words and as I was forced to learn it, I rejected it many times and when the time for “exams” come at the evening  I rather pretended that I am sleeping and hide in front of fact, that I fucked off to learn some “stupid “ words without any meaning to me, as I saw no purpose why I should to learn English words if no one is speaking with such words around me, I rather played and enjoyed myself. Thus I used sleeping as hiding and as protection mechanism.

                I enjoyed the dreams as a child as I have no idea or understanding what dreams means and this supported me in creating various mind projections about the world, my life, me. I never understood how is possible that I see the light and pictures in dreams, as I have closed eyes, how come that I move or experience anything while I am sleeping, just mind, nothing of that real.

                Lot of times in past I experienced big struggles when I wanted to sleep, now mostly I fall asleep in one moment, I just breathe in and out and I am sleeping, to go to sleep mostly it is not process anymore, sometimes the waking up is still process, as I do not want to go out from bed immediately as I like just laying and relax.

                With the waking up at the morning, I had really big struggles with that, now it is much better and last times I am able to sleep 5-6 hours, and be not tired during the day, and wake up and do not again fall asleep, as with this I had huge issue, but anyway, it is still not immediate and constant.

                The feeling of tiredness and believing that it is tiredness or that I am tired, I experienced always in my head region, very cool how mind is able to place energy experience into head and also how easy it is to fall to believe that this experience is real.

                In the past, I would never even think that I can manage from sleeping 8-10 hours or more into a 5-6 hours sleeping and be fine with me and ok during the day.  Still it is not perfect, still it is not absolutely constant, so, what is perfection about? To manage things, living into consistent and constant application of self, in all aspects and all facets of self, here, constant and consistent, this will be quite interesting.

  I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to think and believe that I have and need to sleep to grow up.

  I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to go to sleep according saying that it is time to go to sleep and bound and link the decision to go sleep into a time and what time it is, instead of necessity of my physical body to rest.

  I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to submit in front of saying that I have to go sleep and dictate from my environment.

  I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to link my waking up into a time and time perception and believing that it is time to wake up, instead of allowing myself to wake up and stand up from the bed when my physical body is rested.

  I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to accept the saying that I can’t sleep more instead of trusting to my body as physical and see and realize when my body is rested.

  I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to link and attach my waking up into a necessity to go to school and connect and create within me not likeness of going to school and from this derive not likeness to want to wake up and stand up from the bed.

  I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to create within me not likeness to wake up and stand up from the bed when I was forced to wake up and from this to create within me perception and believe that I am still tired.

  I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to think and believe that I have to sleep as when not that I will be tired, instead of realizing the necessity of my physical body to rest and relax.

  I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to think and believe that if I will go to sleep I will be strong.

  I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to think and believe that to sleep 8 hours is good and that I need to sleep this time frame.

  I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to create within me likeness to sleep long and define this long as more than 8 hours time frame.

  I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to think and believe that it is good to sleep more than 8 hours time frame and think and believe that my body needs to rest, sleep and relax more than 8 hours.

  I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to think and believe that when I work on something that I have to be tired and not realizing if my body is really physically tired.

  I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to create within me the projection that if I will work on something which I perceive as hard that I will be tired or exhausted and from this exist within and as mind projection that something is hard and that if I will do that I will be tired.

  I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to think and believe that when I completed and finish something which I perceive as hard thus I have to be tired, instead of see and realize if my physical body is really tired.

  I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to use sleeping as hiding in front of myself as protection mechanism in front of fact that I do not completed my responsibilities or that what was required from myself to complete or learn.

  I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to use sleeping as hiding in front of fact that I rejected something which I was forced to learn or complete and thus do not have to face it.

  I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not stand up from bed immediately when I open my eyes and took my breath in.

  I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to think and believe that when I will stand up from bed immediately after I wake up that I will be tired during the day and that I will not be rested properly.

  I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like and create likeness within me with postponing my standing up from the bed after I woke up, instead of stand up immediately as I know and realize that anyway I will have to stand up.

  I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not be consistent with my sleeping less than 6 hours.

  I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to think that when I slept for several days less than 6 hours I deserve to sleep at least one day more than 6 hours.

I commit myself to sleep less than 6 hours consistently.

I commit myself to stand up from bed after I wake up and took my breath in.

I commit myself to be constant and consistent with my application of sleeping less than 6 hours.

Thanks, Juraj

Me and water – silent

                Some time ago, I was swimming at the lake, not too much, maybe just almost to the middle of the lake. I decided to go back, and as my condition is questionable I became little bit tired so I turn on my back and slowed down.

                Just only tiny movements I did, focusing on my breathing, on my tiny movements, in water, silent.  In that moment, there was nothing within me, just me and water. I felt nothing, no pain and no fear, no desires and no memories, no projections and no expectations, noting within me and I enjoyed the silence of me. My mind was silent, me breathing.

                In that moment, I was safe, it was like experience safety, like nothing can happen to me and nothing can harm me, nothing can move me, within me, and I enjoyed this moments.

                I would like to experience myself without anything within me each moment, as I was, it was just me and water.

Thanks, Juraj