Day 168: Money Demon

                I am demon of money. I am money demon. I do not care about me in fact, I do not care about anybody and anything. I see no reason and I see no need. I see no future and past is gone. I am present here as demon of me, I am here always as I always was. I care about money which I do not care about. I am paradox of me, I need money but I do not care them. I fuck you because of money and you fuck with me, it is all about money as always was.

                There is no god and there is no devil, there is no higher force as I am the force and I am the doom of me as I do not care. I doomed me ages ago as what I have done to all because of money. I did everything possible to hide my actions, I hide even in front of me. Yes it is possible, to hide me in front of me. It is possible very precious way, simply to split, to split one part of me, and hide to the deepest darkness possible, where light can’t go and where light do not shine.

                And if light goes nearby this darkness I suck this light and even light can’t escape. This is the darkest darkness possible, where I am hidden in front of everything and everyone, I am here. I am within me all the time as demon of darkness, waiting and smiling from the shadows, laughing on blindness of everyone, I laugh on stupidity of mankind and I laugh on stupidity of me, because everything which exists in this world, is only one single point, as all is based on this point, and this point is money.

                Freedom never existed, love never existed, compassion and friendship, as everything of this world is ruled and based only on money. Without money, each one die, without money, each love ends, without money, each friendship ends, without money, life ends.

                The doom of mankind and the doom of everyone is money, mankind is fallen and will be, until money will no longer be the god of man.

                And there is only one god each one follow, and that god is money, you can hide, you can lie, you can manipulate, you can think anything you want about you or this world, only money determine everything of you or me who we are.

                Take away money of your family, your friendships, your relationships, everything will end. Each movement is determined by money, each word you speak is backup-uped of amount of money you have. There is rabbit hole of me and you, and this goes to each point which exists within me or you.

                Who you will be, once you get loads of money? Who I will be? Let’s have a look on those who rule this world, let’s have a look closer, let’s have a look into their eyes, what you will see? Darkness of me and you, who we really are.

                And that’s me, darkness of me of money I do not care about anyone and anything, as within this darkness is demon of money which is me, which is power and control.

                Now I have none, and I am even not sure if I will survive next days. Why? Because, in my entire existence, I really never cared. Even not about me.

                My ignorance became so intricate, that I even do not cared about me. That’s the split I have done unto me, I split me and I do not wanted to see my evil money me.

                I united me in many points, I never did with my evil money twin. I do not know how I can, how I can accept me as all what I have done within this existence because of money. So much lies, so much manipulation, so many murders, so much pain and blood I suffered, and thus I have only one question which remained.

Was this enough?

Thanks, Juraj

Day 167 : I accept who I am

                Why I searched so many times me, is the point of me accepting mind and not who I am as presence of me here. The very acceptance of the mind and thus becoming and believing of this is the reason why I became no more here, living, breathing, expressing, enjoying, accepting, sharing, carrying.

                I start to limit myself, and within this limitation forgetting who I am, forgetting equality and oneness of me, forgetting me as life, and losing me, within and as realms of the mind, and this is strange, it is so strange, as my very question was – why I accepted and allowed this all?

                I asked this question because I saw everything of me within moment, and I saw everything I accepted towards me as life. How come, why, I accepted such separation, and from this such misery of life on this planet?

                Why I separated from me? Why I separated myself from life? Why I separated myself from physical? Why I forgot who I am as all as one? Why I forgot my oneness of me? Why I forgot equality of me? Why I became blind and why I stopped to see me? Why I accepted fear of me? Why I accepted to believe in fear?

                Why, why, why, actually, the answer is simpler that I could thought, because I wanted and desired to be something else than what and who I really am. I was fool and within my foolishness I started to think about me, instead of living me, accepting and enjoying the life and simplicity of life, simplicity of oneness and equality of me.

                I started to complicate everything and creating billions of points, reasons, ways and I became blind, I was not able to see me anymore, I was not able to enjoy me anymore, and I was not able to live, because I died. I died the moment I accepted the very first thought within me, and this thought became my doom, pain and fall.

                I was broken, and I was weak, I was fear-full and I was sick, I was shaken.

                But no more I accept such lies. No more I accept to be blind. I am life and that’s all of me as who I am.

                Nothing more, nothing less, just life.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I see, instead of see and realize that I am using the mind to interpret what Is here, what this here should be because I separated myself from physical.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to became blind and no more see me as equality and oneness of me, as life, as my presence and everything which exists as who I really am.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not see the sound.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not want to be sound.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I have to be something else than sound.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to believe that sound is not who I am.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that silence is not who I am.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that silence is not real.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to forget me as sound and silence.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to forget me being sound but rather separate myself from into and as mind, and became following blindly what mind see, what mind says, what mind show, what mind thinks, and do not see and realize that I am not this, nothing, no single point.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not see into me each moment I am here, but rather turns into the mind to have this idea and believe about seeing, not realizing that by this I am giving my power away from me, and thus diminishing and dishonoring me as life.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I can’t be physical, that I can’t be of life, that I can’t be of sound and silence as me being here, seeing here, expressing here.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that here is what I see as pictures through my eyes, that here is what I hear through my ears, not seeing and realizing that what Is here is me as moment which exists in and as equality and oneness of me as all.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself look on me through information and knowledge of the mind, and not see directly, instantly, everything and everywhere of me as who I am as life within equality and oneness of me.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to look on me through the mind and thus look on me through polarity system, and forget to see me as equality and oneness as life as who I really am.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to use the energy as the point of separation from myself, because of thinking and believing that energy is real, that energy is something more than life than physical than sound, not seeing and realizing such deception I created for me, not seeing and realizing how I enslaved myself into and as energy because of this believe.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to like energy more than me as who I am as life, to deceive myself with such believe, and think that my believes, must be real.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to believe everything else but not to trust the only one point which is real, thus physical.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think that something more than physical must exist and that it is possibly me.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to turn blind eye and ignore the physical as what is here, but rather think and believe that physical is something which is less than the mind, not seeing and realizing that I deceived me, not seeing that mind is subject to physical and thus mind needs physical, but physical do not need mind, not seeing and realizing that physical exist without the mind, but mind can’t exist without physical, that physical is what is real and what exists and not mind.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself do not accept myself as physical, to do not want to be physical, to do not want to be here, to do not want to be equal and one with physical as me, but desire to be something else, something more, something more profound, more special, more interesting, because of my very judgment towards the physical and seeing the physical as something less than mind, not seeing and realizing my self deception within this, my dishonor of myself and my illusion of me about me, not seeing and realizing the simplicity of me as being as one with me as all as one as who I really am as life.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to separate myself from physical, because of idea and believe that what I think, what I experience as energy movement is more than physical, thus within this live as believe and idea about me, in search for me, in search to find out who I am, not seeing and realizing that I am always here, that I was always here, and I will be always here as moment of me, my presence within and as silence of life.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to trust the mind, to trust what mind see, to desire to trust the mind, to trust the energy of the mind, to mislead myself with placing trust to the mind, instead of trusting me as who I really am, instead of standing for me as absolute presence of I, as I as life, as I as here.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to be and became benevolent in my standing for me, instead of standing for me absolute, instead of me standing for me and for all to my biggest potential, unshakable, unbreakable, as all as one as who I am as equality and oneness of life.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not take all my power back to me, to do not accept anything of the mind which mind consist and exist as, and do not became the solution for me, solution for all, solution for life on this planet and what life could really be for all, thus I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not stand in and as clarity of me, to do not stand as absolute presence of me as the moment, to do not stand to my greatest potential which I am capable of, to do not stand as absolute expression of life within and as self-honesty of me, to do not stand as example for all to see what is possible to be and became as life, as equality and oneness of life, to do not stand for life and what life really is.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I am weak to stand absolute, to think and believe that I can’t stand absolute, that I am not strong enough, that I am not powerful enough, that I am not worthy enough to stand for me as who I am as life.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I can’t be the life, that I do not deserve to be life, that I must and have to be punished for everything I have done towards the life, not seeing and realizing, that what have been done is of the past and thus point of me no more accepting such separation, dishonesty as everything what have been done, was enough.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think that I can’t see me within and as equality of life as who I really am, because I thought that I have to be punished somehow for everything I have done, not seeing and realizing that only self-punishment exist because of very shame, regret and  judgment of myself for everything I have done unto me as life, not seeing and realizing within this opportunity for myself to simply – stand absolute and no more accept anything less or more than life, honor the life and make everything possible to my greatest potential to bring dignity and value of life here, for all as one, within the principle of equality and oneness I stand for.

Thanks, Juraj   

Day 166 : Me accept me

                I made a lot of struggles for me, I created many pains for me, I made walls in front of me, I chained me and I slaved me. I locked me in the past but desired future, feared future because I was seeing what I am doing onto me and I do not stood for me the way I am capable of, I mean, not just in and as the points I saw clearly thus I stood those points, but stood entirely as who I am.

                I had many back doors within me as excuses as attempts to run away and let behind me all the pains and worries and fears and I wanted to stop but I didn’t stopped the way I am capable of.

                I saw me and I saw many me’s and I saw what I am capable of and I saw all my evil hidden in front of me for decades. And the moments I realized each moment is the decision of who I am, my life became more peaceful despite the necessity of consequences created to come, no matter what and how I changed, consequences had to run and show me, me.

                I was in search for me and once I realized who I am as all as one, I started to fear me, I started to fear my real me as who I am as entire existence, I do not wanted to be as who I really am. The hugeness of responsibility shocked me, I remained shaken and I do not wanted to take responsibility for me, for me as all.

                I created this separated idea about me as individual, it was never real, but this idea, this believes provided me that what I wanted, thus “living” as individual as some I – I defined and I made fences and facades to keep this idea, to maintain my life and maybe possibly to be able to live somehow, not wanting to take responsibility, not wanting to step in as direction of me entirely, absolute, as who I am as life.

                I saw no reason why it should be me, why I should give up all this illusions and all points of my precious ego, despite the fact I realized that maintain any is utmost degree bullshits. I wanted to have and keep my life, which in fact never existed, nothing of my life exists, life exists as life, and that’s it.

                I do not wanted to accept all me’s as all variations and forms of life I am, I do not wanted to be the life, because I wanted to keep this illusion of my life. I wanted to keep things go according some prepared possibilities but I was wrong. I was all time wrong about my life, because my life does not exist.

                Everything I believed, projected was separation from me as life as all, to keep this little illusion of my life.

                I was choosing which points I will stand and which not, mostly those which I was absolute sure and clear about, but I was postponing my standing in very specific points as possibly shortcuts of getting out of the mess I was creating for decades and preparing things to be though.

                I thought it is you and me and that we are more than one, but I was wrong as life is one. Life is one and oneness of life is who I am I do not wanted stand for, because I feared responsibility for me, because within this everything change. And I saw moment by moment, what I am in fact accepting, what misery of life I created by my ignorance of me and turning the blind eye everywhere, because of not wanting to accept me as life as who I am.

                I thought I have to be something else, I searched for me but ignoring me in front of my eyes, because through the mind everything looks more sexy, more acceptable, more valid, more real, more true, funny is, never was. Nothing of the mind is true or valid, nothing of the mind is real, not voice, not feelings, not emotions, simply nothing. No single point of mind matches reality, because mind is not of reality. Mind is made of ideas and believes, and that’s my story of so called my life, which never existed.

                Story of ideas and believes about me, I found out none was valid. I was wrong millions times, physical was not wrong one single time.

                Physical, is always right.

Thanks, Juraj