Day 2 – Resistance

                I resist writing. I resist writing each day. I resist writing each day for week, or month, I know I can do it, last year I wrote consequential blogs for 40 days or something like that, thus I proved to myself that I can do it, but within this, I resist writing as I see where this will lead me. I am bit scared.

                By paradox, the idea of freedom or to be free, is based on ego and self interest, and this I perceived as my freedom, that I can do what I want, where no one was considered except me, my own benefit. This all, is not real freedom and have nothing to do with experience myself free, all just chains.

                The prison I created for myself is almost all I know, all I thought I can be, all I thought I will ever experience and definitely perceived I can’t change and thus I am powerless in front of my creation. It is not so.

                I resist as I am bit scared of unknown, I am bit scared from myself and from that who I really am, as it is no more about false security of thoughts and energy experiences.

                I used energy to blind me as I separated myself from energy and thus I required to get it to be able live and experience myself in perception it is real experience of me. It was not so.

                Thus I ask, when I really experienced myself, myself as who I really am? Only few moments come, just few, in meaning, the memories how different it was this experiences and expression of me, when I place myself into confrontation with energy experiences.

                I resist as my own dishonesty is like ingrained completely in my body and as I am able to look within me in self honesty, I see that some doors in my life are closed forever. To walk decision and never come back, as this is impossible as wherever I look and wherever I will go I will be there always.

                I resist as I liked excuses but in self honesty there is no valid excuse, no one exist. Thus I am bit scared to live in self honesty as whole my life I lived in deception of myself.

                I resist as I liked to lie to me and live in lies, speak this lies and live this lies. But, in regards of this, I can call it “problem“ in meaning, I am aware of it.

                I resist as I see that nothing will be like it use to be and everything of me will change, I will change in all aspects and all facets of me, not just some as till this moment, but completely everything, no point will remain hidden and no point will remain unasked and unchallenged. I’ll die. But the new I will be born.

                I see why it is worth to do it and I trust myself I can do it, thus let’s have it done.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to resist writing each day.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to resist writing each day because I see that all my self definitions will cease to exist, everything I know and define myself into will diminish and thus create within me fear and experience of fear and experience of to be scared as projection to the future what it will mean or how I will exist if everything I know will be gone.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to perceive freedom as freedom of choice of my ego and self interest.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to be scared of myself as to be free and not defined by and through anything I know and thus create within me the projection and idea about what to be free or what freedom is.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself believe that I can’t change myself and that I am powerless to change myself and that I have to remain in believes and ideas about myself as definitions of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to think and believe that I am to week to stand up and say No, stop, till here no further.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to think and believe that energy experiences is what I like and what I need to be able function and exist.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to define myself according energy experiences and separate myself from the energy and thus think and believe that energy is what I need.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself became addicted on energy and experience myself as to be high when I have a lot of energy generated within me and perceived myself as being low when is lack of energy within me.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself become energy addict.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to separate myself from energy and thus believe that I need energy and through polarity create friction within me and generate this energy for myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself resist my own dishonesties and do not want to look within me what I have allowed and accepted.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to fear my own dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to think and believe that I have to remain dishonest and thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to think and believe that to be dishonest is normal as common living.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself I can’t change from dishonesty into self honesty.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself like various excuses as validation why I can remain rather dishonest and not actually stand up.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to manipulate myself into dishonesty as that is what I know and live thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not allowed myself to see and realize what I am really doing unto myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to trust my own dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to learn to be dishonest and thus accept this state of me as my living.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to think and believe that mind always know better than me what I have to do.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to manipulate myself into believing that I am the mind and thus do not stand up for myself as directive principle of my life.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like to lie to myself and deceive myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to become the lies of my living and define myself according lies I lived and spoke.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to manipulate others with the lies to get what I want and to get what I need.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to fear my own lies.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to fear to change instead of realizing that I can change and let go what do not support me in my life.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to perceive change as something terrible and from this derive perception that it is hard to change instead of realizing that to change and stand up is about self honest decision in front of myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to fear to die instead of realizing that only what can die are the systems within me I allowed and accepted and that life will remain.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to perceive the letting go of the systems and self definitions, believes, ideas, desires, needs, fears as something which I am losing, instead of realizing that in letting go I am freeing myself from dictate of my mind and my own allowances and acceptances.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to think and believe that I will be bound into mind forever.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to create within me the projections and ideas about the future as what and who I will be when I will let go my mind, instead of realizing that future do not exist and thus all projections and ideas do not exist as well, all just created within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to exist in and as mind as time creation, instead of allowing myself to see and realize that I am here as breath.

I commit myself to write each day.

I commit myself to use SF each day, to write SF and speak SF.

Thanks, Juraj