Some moments passed, within my
life, when I came to read the words – “Lengthy process of Trial and error”, and
this words, seems to be simple, but what this means and represents, within
process, is different story, as behind those just few words, are tons of
points, and those words has been spoken by Bernard.
For me, Bernard, was someone who
was able to piss me off so genuinely, that his words was so pure and true, that
my state of being pissed off could last only few moments, as I was able to see
what he is speaking, but yet, not following what I see for me I want to
exactly, despite of fact that I simply had to agree of his words, as truth is
simply truth and there are no versions.
I was not able to stood up for
me, expand my potential the way I am capable of, support me the way I am
doable, and Bernard, did for me the most, but way that I will eventually come to
the point of starting to see what process really is, what is standing for
something, what it means to let go the past, who I am and why I am, how I created
myself, I was never able to give up to introspect my past, me, who I as within
my life, why I was, my decisions and
starting to sort out me.
Bernard offered me life, as life
what life really is. He offered my joy, freedom, patience, discipline, skills,
abilities, wisdom, and truth, seeing, understanding, carrying, being, living,
love, me.
Sunnette offered me the same
different way.
I was curious, how come, someone
can offer me so much and do not want anything back?
Anu, Enlil, Enki, Marduk, Jack,
Veno, MyKey, Winged, and others showed me existence beyond mind imagination,
and thus I came through most shocking realizations about myself, shocking such
way and so deeply, that nothing and no one has power to bullshit me about us,
mankind.
World, as it is, do not know, do
not see, is not aware who Bernard was, and what this man, just one, was capable
to proceed, and what he did for everyone equally, world do not know, what world
lost with los of this man.
But here are others, which are
able to see his words, and these beings walk their processes, and thus message
of equality and oneness will be spread to all parts of the world, and continue
and live as we will live our words.
Bernard, and his words,
resonated within me and I had to investigate, I had to see for myself, I had to
realize what his words means, I had to and thus I decided to go on way of Trial
and Error, as I had to prove to me, how I work, who I am, why I am, what I created
for me and which way of live I decided to live for me. The way I went through
some points was so extreme, that I am sometimes surprised that I am still here,
but yes I am. This was really not necessary, it was not required, I could
choose more peaceful way, I could but I didn’t. I could many things and once
Bernard said these words to me – “you could prevent this”. I was pissed off by these
4 words so much, because yet those words were true, but for me extremely painful,
because many realizations came after fail but it was too late, too late go back
and took on the point differently, make other decision, or change anything,
once things are done, it is over, finite, end, past and nothing more just
memory of what has been done.
I was pissed off because of me
seeing his words and what his words means, yet acting many times in direct opposite
of what I saw for me. But to understand for me, what I act, the way I act, was
so important and crucial that I risked my life many times for this, I risked
everything and I lost everything and everyone, I lost all but nothing.
Give up all to see you gave up
nothing, I choose for me very rough way, full of pain, agony, regret, almost
insanity, and it was only me who decided to walk my process such way, and
nothing of this was necessary, but for me, because of point of decision,
direction, to see and realize.
To see points coming up from unconscious
believes, formed in early stage of my life, was leading me to self-destruction,
because of my benevolence.
My benevolence, of letting my
mind to decide, letting still my mind power, letting my mind to show me where I
will go or will be if I let mind decide, was not quite beneficial decision for
me, yet again same way crucial to came to decision, that this way, simply is no
more way I want to live, by any means.
I simply had enough some would
be shocked and would not believe if I would write what I came through in last 2
years, and especially why.
I could use many words, but only
one describes everything best, EGO.
After all and everything I have
done unto me, I simply surrender walk and live my life as EGO. I see why and
where I led me as EGO, fine, this is done. I capitulate and surrender as EGO.
Bernard said about EGO so many
points, and my investigation and living me as EGO was extreme, I was many
relations of his words with and as my life, my decision, and again I came to
realization and seeing his explanations, and what this all represents.
Within this, I had to come to
decisions for me, to re-take what has been by my benevolence let as points of
direction for my mind, and to take all my power back to me, where this power as
me as being as direction of me belongs.
Mind had authority over me
almost all my life, except within some specific points in last 6 years, and
this authority is not where this belongs, as simply, it is useless and serve
for nothing.
Everything I have done, and came
through will be not in vein, and everything of me as me will expand to the
utmost potential possible.
Vastness of dimensions of mind,
looked difficult and hard to comprehend, to put everything together, yet I have
proven that this is possible to walk and stand in equality and oneness.
One of my decision is, that my
blog will be no more public, as I have to go into every intricate detail of my
mind, I have to go and see utmost seemingly irrelevant blink of my life, I have
to go into each possible detail of me, everything I created myself as, because
if I would not, I would be never able to complete what I decided to complete
for me.
Therefore, this is last blog
which is displayed publicly, and new one will be created, where access to that
blog will be given only to those, which are part of Desteni, walk their
process, and are part of Leadership forum.
If over time other blogs will be
posted publicly, is part of future decision.
Thanks,
Juraj
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