Many times I thought that to
express myself different way than calmness and kindness is bad, evil or
something which I should not do, as I perceived only the way of communication
through this point as valid, but this is not so. It was just my own self
dishonesty, my own self definitions as being the one who communicate always the
calm, kind way and try to communicate each time possible this way.
This comes from my believe, that
intelligent persona is always able to communicate calm way, but is this self
expression? Simply not, it was just believe, perception, idea about
communication.
Within this, I see the point of
fear and existing in and as fear of expressing myself different way, as
perception of unacceptability of this, but I see no point to be defined to
specific type of communication, voice tonalities, yes I can decide I will do
so, but not to be defined by this.
Recently, I expressed myself
very different way, expressing point by point towards persona I communicated
with, within this I stood up within myself and I speak as me, me expressing me
the moment I speak, and yes this could look various ways, but I trust me as my
breath, I trust my breath more than anything else, even mind tried to convince
me that I was bad, but I wasn’t. I was just expressing me, and within this I
was quite satisfied with myself, and yes I enjoyed myself expressing me this
different way, as I always thoughts it is bad, but, it is not.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to define myself and my way of communication
through perception and idea about calmness, kindness and define myself as
kindness and calmness, not seeing and realizing that I trapped myself through
idea, believe and perception of calmness, kindness, and thus limit myself as my
expression as who I really am as breath.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to define myself as being calm and kind, as this
definition see through slow speaking, low voice tonalities and thus express
myself this way, not seeing and realizing that by this I trapped myself into
believe, idea and perception of what being king and calm means, because of thought that intelligent persona is
always possible to communicate kind and calm way, not seeing and realizing that
intelligence is just illusion of the mind defined by information and knowledge
and thus that I defined myself that way I trapped myself and my expression into
a believes and ideas about myself, through and as fear of expressing myself in
self honesty, because all my life I expressed myself as the mind, as defined
into and as projections, ideas and believes about myself.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that express myself
different way than calm is bad, and thus judge myself as being bad when I
expressed myself different way.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to trap myself into an illusions of
intelligence, being intelligent of what this intelligence mean or should mean,
not seeing and realizing that mind defined through information and knowledge
and thus I defined myself through this point.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to believe that something like intelligence exists.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to define myself through perception of
intelligence, information and knowledge, and thus see myself as being
intelligent.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to believe that I can be intelligent persona.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to perceive and think that anybody can or is
intelligent and by this define myself as comparison of information and knowledge
I have and others have and by this see myself as more or less, and thus exist
within and as mind as comparison, judgment and more –less as self definition,
separation from myself through this points.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to define myself through my communication as
self definition of being calm and kind, and thus trap myself into a illusion of
being good or trying to be good because of my own existence in and as polarity of
good and bad, where this calmness and kindness while communicating is seeing as
good and anything else seeing as bad, not seeing and realizing that by this I trapped
myself into a illusion of good and bad.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to fear to express myself differently while
communicating than calm way or kind way as my fear of being judged, rejected or
diminished when I will express myself differently.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to fear that when I will communicate, express or
behave different way than calm and kind, thus I will be rejected by those I speak
with.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to trap myself into a definitions of communication
and sharing of the points as being calm each moment possible and by this
control myself through and as fear of expressing myself differently than this
way.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to exist within and as fear of expressing myself
different way than my own self definition as being calm and kind during conversation.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to never question the way I speak, how I speak
and why I defined myself into this behavior, expression, instead of investigate
the words I use, why I use them, what those words carry, why those words carry
that, what is polarity within words I speak, and if yes to investigate what
this means for myself, how I defined myself and why.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to exist within and as perception, idea and
believe that to express anything differently than kind or calm way is unacceptable
and thus bad and forbidden, instead of see and realize that I limited , enslave
and trapped myself into this illusion of communication, expression and sharing.
Thanks,
Juraj
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