I liked to dance quite lot, I liked
to dance for hours and tiredness has not been the point to stop me from
dancing, I enjoyed the movements and I enjoyed the sound. I forgot that those
movements have been based on energy experience I created within me towards the
sound, place, and people. This was years ago.
For several years I was not
attending the clubs, places where I liked to dance, I stopped. The music and
sound do not created within me reactions, I do not experienced anything towards
the music, and thus I have no more desire to dance and move with the sound as
the energy within diminished created towards this points.
Just few moments when I experienced
energy reactions towards music last years are gone, and thus I faced
interesting point.
This night, I went to dance club
to meet with friend and look around the downtown, and as I stood nearby stage,
and heard the music, music of my likeness from the past, nothing moved within
me. I just stood there and breathe, observed the people, lights, dj, and the
place looked to be perfect for dancing, exactly matching my likeness of dancing
places, and I just stood at the pillar.
Times ago, normally I would go
to dance immediately and start to rave and move, and here nothing. Just I stood
and see and within me like nothing which could move me, and at the same time
like the wall of resist within me to move and go dance.
When I was young, around age 10 till 14 I was extremely shy to go to
dance and move, I spend hours of backchats, worrying, stressing and in nerves
to push myself and go to dance. After years this shyness has been gone and it
was me who has no problem immediately to jump on stage and dance without
alcohol or drugs used, as the music and experiences within me was enough for me.
The rave and rush of energy as movement of my body I danced and I moved with
the sound and the energy I experienced.
Now, this was completely different, as only what I experienced was
nothing just me breathing, and I realized, how much I used to move based on
energy and experiences of this energy, and now when this energy is no existent I
am no able to move, to go dance and enjoy the music and movement of me.
As I stood there, by paradox I applied SF on this point in the sound of
noisy electro music and I started to move myself in the middle of the place,
and I just experienced the sound beats on and with my body, all I experienced
was just me breathing and the sound and the worry came up as if I am able to
even dance without energy experiences but as I started to dance I let go this
worry and I started to move myself with the beats of the sound, hearing just
this sound and moving me, my legs, hands, my body and I move me but I do not experienced
anything within me, no energy and no reaction with or towards the sound, I dance
and I move and I hear and I enjoy the moments I dance and nothing just me
dancing exists.
After some time I realize that I am not completely satisfied with myself
as my movements, as I see that many moves of me I programmed to my body and
thus some moves are heavy, some are light and like flow, some even hard to
proceed and I see that this is not completely me as moves of me while dancing.
The friend comes and I see she has a worry with the points she is facing,
she pretend she is ok but I always see she is not. I stopped to dance and went
out with her, and the experiences of me as nothingness do not changed within
moments, just worry of her came up if she will be ok, yes I see she will be but
sometimes to go through some points with another is quite difficult, mainly in
the stage where she is.
Anyway the point of moving me without energy experiences is quite
interesting, and at the same time like “hard” as it is me who have to move me,
not energy.
I forgive to myself that I have
not accepted and allowed to myself to see and realize that I never moved
without energy within me.
I forgive to myself that I have
not accepted and allowed to myself to see and realize that I was always
addicted to energy movements within me and thus follow the energy which I accepted
and allowed within me to move, and not move myself.
I forgive to myself that I have
not accepted and allowed to myself to see and realize that it is me who have to
move myself, and not energy and thus I have to realize for myself what it means
to move me, where nothing as energy movement exists within and as me.
I forgive to myself that I have
not accepted and allowed to myself to free myself from energy movement, energy
addiction and thus moving me according energy in and as my body.
I forgive to myself that I have
not accepted and allowed to myself to give myself the permission to move me
without energy, where I am the directive principle of my movement and not mind
nor energy.
I forgive to myself that I have
not accepted and allowed to myself to move myself without any energy
requirement.
I forgive to myself that I have
not accepted and allowed to myself to direct myself and not accept and allow to
create within me the energy nor accept be directed by energy.
I forgive to myself that I have
not accepted and allowed to myself to flow, to move, to express, to expand in
and as breath, as the moment as presence of me here.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I am not able to move
myself without energy.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe the I need energy for my
movement, not seeing and realizing that it is actually me as my body which
moves in and as moment of breath.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I am not able to move
without energy.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I always needs some
point, source, influence which will move me, not seeing and realizing that by
this I am submitting myself to my mind and separating myself from myself, as
everything which exists is equal to me and I equal to everything.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I am to weak to stop
my mind entirely, to stop living as energy addict and believe that energy
experiences are real experiences of myself.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to trust to energy experiences within me.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I can’t move, that I can’t
express and direct myself if I have no energy created within me.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I am not able to
decide for myself and stand up for myself and direct myself if I have no energy
within me, not seeing and realizing that this is living me in self dishonesty
towards me, in delusion, in lie and compromising my life and my living.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I am not able to flow, to expand, to express myself here
within and as moment here, because I defined myself in and as living in
submission of the mind, not seeing and realizing that mind is not real, that
anything of the mind is illusion and that I submitted my life into and as
illusion.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I need energy, that I desire
energy, that without energy I am dead.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to desire to experience something if I do not
experience anything as energy movement of the mind.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that desire to experience
something is real.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I have no power to
move me, to direct me, to express and live my life in self honesty here as I clearly
see that what is of the mind is based on thoughts and energy movement as
friction of polarity design.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to define myself towards thoughts of the mind,
energy experiences created as polarity friction within my body and thus think
and believe that I need this friction, that I need polarity to be able to live
and have sense that I live not seeing and realizing that this sense of living
is my own self delusion because I accepted to live as mind slave all my life,
and thus it is me who have to take all my power back to myself, as I am the
source, as I am the direction, as I am here as breath, as my body as physical.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I am inside my body in
my head, not seeing and realizing that I am the body, that I am the very flesh
as physical not inside as voice, thoughts, back chats or energy experiences,
but real being moving, expressing, and living here.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe what if some of my thoughts
are real, what is some thought is valid, what if some back chat is true, what
if somehow possibly this is me, not seeing and realizing the simplicity of
seeing what is of the mind as thoughts as spoken words by the mind which I clearly
hear within my head, and thus I can use any of the words mind spoke to
investigate how, when, why I defined myself to live as the mind slave
controlled by illusion, and thus free myself from mind control and free myself
and live here.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that mind can be good
guide, not seeing and realizing that anything of the mind as thought, energy
experiences, is simply trap of the program as design to keep me enslaved, controlled
and not allow to live as free being, not seeing and realizing that mind will
never allow to myself to free me, because it is me who have to stop the mind,
it is me who have to take my power back to me, it is me who have to free
myself, to stop each thought I accepted, to stop any energy movement I created within
me, and thus stop to live in and as friction of polarity design, which is
design of the mind to create the energy from myself as physical and thus
destroy, diminish and devalue myself.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that mind will somehow help
me to stop the mind, not seeing how deluded this is, as mind had power over me
whole life and thus mind will do everything possible to sustain itself, and
thus it is me who have to stop the mind, to stand up for myself and direct
myself each moment in and as breath, because moment I am not here as breath
thus I am in the mind and thus in realms of illusions.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I need the mind to
stop the mind, not seeing and realizing that I have everything what I need to
be able to stop the mind effectively, as my breath, self forgiveness and
ability to investigate the point as how, where and when I defined myself into a
mind and thus how I trapped myself into a illusion.
Thanks,
Juraj
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