Sunday, December 30, 2012

Day 147 : Relationship towards me




                I experienced hard pain right in the center of my chest, pressure, even not allowing me to breathe, and within in breath pain raised and pain while breathing became so unpleasant.

                I saw the cause of this pain, as relationship I created within me towards me, and what are the points I created this relationship with me, obviously I based this on my mind, components of the mind and thus living as the mind. As the relationship I created within me towards myself, and thus shape and mold myself accordingly, is of thoughts, perceptions, ideas and believes about myself.

                And as each thought is dishonesty and self deception, thus relationship towards myself I created as self deception of me, as self dishonesty and thus accepting my living this way. As each thought is abuse and manipulation of myself, thus I created the relationship towards me based on abuse of me and manipulation of me. As the each thought is torture of physical, as each energy is pain and cruelty towards myself , thus relationship towards me I created as mind and physical became based on torture, pain and cruelty towards myself.

                Interestingly, this points I was not aware of before, and I perceived everything of this as the mind as living my life, not aware what I am really doing towards myself and why.

                To see and realize why I do what I do, how I created and why myself the way I did, is crucial point to became self honest and stable within and as breath.

                This is quite sad, that our living, we based on mind without questioning the mind and functions of, that we accepted to create ourselves on pain, torture and abuse and even not seeing and realizing that we are doing it.

                I was not aware how I tortured myself, I was not able to see how I abused me, and yes, within this is great simplicity. As each thought, is simply self-abuse, self-manipulation and self-torture. Because within this, self is saying that is less that illusion of the mind, and that what is real as flesh has to submit to an illusion.

                Question is, would you submit to an order, saying you that you have to punish yourself, abuse, manipulate, diminish and torture you, if you would be able clearly see, that this order comes up from illusion, in meaning, that something which is not real, wants you to submit to this form of living? If you would be able to see, that what or who is speaking this to you is just program, created to have control over you? Would you submit to a robot, speaking to you to live according words of program robot has been programmed?

                You probably would reply no, but within this, actually, that robot, that program, is the voice in your head, you believe, is you.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to create the relationship towards myself based on thoughts, feelings, emotions, perceptions, ideas, believes which are of the mind, not seeing and realizing that by this I deceived myself and my living and my life, that I abused, manipulated and tortured myself as life, with each thought, each component of the mind, not seeing and realizing that I am not the mind, but breath of life in equality and oneness with and as my physical body as flesh, therefore not seeing and realizing that I abused, manipulated and tortured the physical as my body with the accepting of living as the mind, as program based on polarity and thus energy friction which is generated based on this living in and as polarity design of the mind.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to create the relationship towards myself as physical body based on that what I copied from my parents, from my environment I grew up and thus that I submitted to that which has been external influences on myself and thus create, shape and mold myself according that which influenced me as external points as behavior of people around me and thus I copied that what I liked and create the positive perception of this and create myself as opposite of the what I do not liked and thus trapped myself into and as polarity design of the mind as good / bad, likeness / do not like and thus exist as program of polarity, instead of living me as life, as flesh within moment here, equal and one with my physical body, not seeing and realizing that by my own submission to the mind I diminished myself as life and tortured myself as life each way possible.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to create relationship towards myself based on illusions of the mind, and therefore that I submit the real flesh as my physical body to the illusions and became follower of this illusion and thus living the illusion, not seeing and realizing that by this I created relationship towards myself based on lie of the mind, lie of the energy experiences, lie of the ideas, believes, perceptions, projection, information and knowledge of this world, not seeing and realizing that by this I manipulated myself, tortured, diminished and dishonored and therefore accepted and allowed to myself to live a lie of the mind, to live a lie of the system, lie of the program as design created to enslave me and trap me through my own acceptances and allowances towards myself.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that polarity as the good / bad, nice / ugly,  superior / inferior, more / less, is real and that this polarities is real living, not seeing that but accepting polarities I simply split myself into two, where I moved within and as polarities of the mind and thus generate the energy as the friction between this polarities as judgments of myself, not seeing and realizing that this judgments are not real, not real seeing me as who I really am as physical as flesh as one, but just following the program of friction and polarity and thus living trapped in the mind, not seeing and realizing that nothing as good or bad do not exists, not seeing and realizing that nothing like superiority or inferiority is real, not seeing and realizing that nothing like more / less do not exists, not seeing that physical as life is real here, stable and one, and that I separated myself from life, from physical by judgments of myself, that I separated myself from myself through accepting to judge me, through accepting to split me, to do not live me but just design of polarities as brainwashing of me.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that any energy experience within my body is real, and think and believe that any of this is real, not seeing and realizing that by this believe I separated myself from myself, that I created distance from myself, because of energy experiences I believes are real, not seeing and realizing that this is not possible to be real, as what is real must remain, and what is not real have an end, and thus only what is real is physical therefore my body as flesh, as matter, and that this is only value which matters.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not see and realize that here is only one constant which always remain, and that it is physical and therefore anything which do not remain is illusions, therefore I separated myself as a being from that what is real as physical because of accepting living the in and as the trap of the mind as polarity design.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not see and realize, that everything I know as information and knowledge is of the mind therefore not real.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not see and realize that anything of the thoughts and of feelings and emotions is of the mind, therefore not real.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not see and realize, that only what is real will remain, thus it is my responsibility to stop to live and illusion and became equal and one with the physical as my body and stop abuse, torture and manipulation of myself with thoughts.

Thanks, Juraj


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