Last days, I started to
experience various multiple points, and the major one is my inner anger towards
myself because I trusted to the system, because I trusted the mind, my mind and
the mind of others.
I realized that nothing is
possible to be trusted, and everything have to be questioned every way possible
to do not fuck up with myself anymore. I saw people lying to me directly, and
even they maybe do not noticed they did, but I had within me this anger towards
me, that I fall into this trap of the mind.
The deception of the mind is so
extensive, that walk points by points seems to be sometimes never ending journey,
but yes one moment this will eventually stop, and this will be the moment I will
give up everything I became. Interestingly, if this will happen, or when, is
unpredictable, maybe yes, maybe not.
This relationships stored within
me towards me, are like the heavy chains, like keeping me fucked and not
allowing to me to be, but yes to be, means to be here, and never in the mind.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to be angry on myself because of believing in
the system, in the mind, in the perceptions, projections, ideas and believe,
not realizing that by this I abused and manipulated myself.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to exist in and as anger towards myself because
of my own acceptances and allowances of living in submission of the mind.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that this inner anger
within me is real, that to be angry on myself is valid and required, that to
torture myself with this anger is fine, not seeing and realizing that by any
emotion I just fueled the mind and validate the existence of the mind, myself
as the mind, and thus gave power away to my mind, not seeing and realizing that
anger is not real, that anger as energy experience is fuck up and illusion.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to be angry on myself because I didn’t stood up
many times ago I saw I can and that I could, and thus trap myself into anger,
blame and resentment towards myself because I didn’t stood up for myself even
when I saw the moments as windows of opportunity for me to stand and say no, I do
not accept this thoughts, ideas, believes, projections and energy.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to be angry on myself because I didn’t stood up
for myself each moment in each breath, and let the things go to extreme, where
the circumstances have to made me to stand up for myself.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to be angry on myself and exist within and as
anger towards myself because I has been keeping on falling instead of keeping
of standing in specific points and each moment I saw I am able to stand up for
myself but I didn’t because I defined myself towards energy and as energy
addict and thus I accepted and allowed to myself to be directed by mind to get
this energy, denying and diminishing myself, pretending that this falls are ok
and nothing serious is happening, but within this see myself acting in self
dishonesty, each moment I accepted to myself to fall and thus be this became
angry on myself and even trying to be surprised and wonder why I keep on
falling, but I saw that I didn’t investigated the points I fall in absolute
detail as I let back door opened within and as me and thus accepting self
dishonesty rather to stand up and became self honest.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to be angry on myself because I saw my decisions
made in self dishonesty and thus became angry on myself as being self
dishonest.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to be angry on myself because of lack of
investigation of the points I faced and thus became angry on myself because of
my postponing, waiting for moments what will happen, instead of my being the
directive principle and thus decide for myself each moment I am here as who I am,
what I accept and why, in self honesty as I see and realize the components of
the mind, how mind manipulate and how I enslaved myself into living in and as
self dishonest being.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to be angry on myself because I saw that I can
act differently but I didn’t because of my own acceptance of manipulation of
myself by the mind, because each time I was aware which thought directs me, and
that it is not me who directs but accepting to be directed.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to be angry on myself because I saw the thoughts
which directed me and even by this accepted those thoughts and pretend it was
my decision, and thus became angry on myself as I saw, realized and understood
that those decisions was not decided and directed by myself as who I am in and
as breath here, but accepted to be directed by the mind.
Thanks,
Juraj
Buttons well done! ;)
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