I am self-trust

               

                Inevitably, I faced many times a question within myself, as what or who I can trust? Or even what trust is, is trust real? Can trust even exists?

               So, as I was a bit struggling within me as this point, thus I came back within me, and revisited the points of realizations within me, and looked as how I acted, what I spoke and what I did after specific points I realized.

               For example, 8 years ago realization of love as oneness and equality of myself, through and by this realization, I was able to see as who I am as expression of love, and I placed this realization as my guide, map or compass, and see and understand that love is never a feeling, but I am the love. Within the realization of me as love, the experience of hug and kiss of each living being emerged within me and I trusted me as this realization and I will trust me as love forever. This realization, guided me many times when I faced a point of the love as construct of the mind, and I was able always cross reference love as me and love as mind experience, and see through my fears, hopes, wants, and needs as desire for love as a feeling. And I admit, even with this great cross reference point I placed within me, I had sometimes struggle to let go of all points related within me to and as love construct, because hundreds of dimensions emerged within me related to this point and my need of self-honesty was challenged in this point a lot, but I never lost myself in love construct again. And I never will.

               To let go and transcend, some specific points within me as love construct, was really painful, on mind level and “real” pain in me as a being. Letting go of a false love, constructed through ideas and believes, fears and separation from myself, starting on mind level and going into me as a being, required really a lot moments to see and realize before, and one of the ultimate was, as how I created this love as mind from beginning as an illusion in my mind, and sometimes even I wanted this illusion to became real, but always my compass, my guide, my map as realization as what real love is, together with self-forgiveness, I always found my ground and was able to see through, which is in fact totally great and I am so grateful for this, as I seen that my actions, and words was supported a lot thanks to me as realization of love and thus I stand me as this realization, no matter what and forever. And I can place a question, will I kiss or hug this person standing in front of me as me as expression of love? I definitely do not have to hug or kiss all beings in existence to prove this for myself, this is more a guide and always will be.

               When I realized around 10 years ago, what relationships in between men and women really are, how they are created within mind, what mind play is involved, and how many points of deception within self are involved, thus this became one of my first compasses and guides for my life, to never seek relationship with woman based on such points again, which was quite a challenge as well, but from that moment I always seen and understood, that I can never accept to form a relationship with a girl such way, because it would always be fake, deception, and lies of the mind. And from that moment I decided that I would go into relationship with a woman, which would be able to walk her process as well, and never accept anything less. In that moment, I decided that and was prepared, that I will be all my life alone, or I will met with a woman which would understand the message of equality and oneness of desteni, and decide for herself to walk out of a mind, and thus we would walk our lives together. One way, or another, I am ok with both options for myself, even I realize, that many points are easier to walk when two are together, as both can play very vital part within process of both, and help and support each other more effectively when it come to walk through the mind. But still, I can do it alone, so if this option will play out in my life, I will walk alone this earth.

               Few months after realization of me as love, realization of me as awareness, and how I experienced myself as all existence, and what this realization showed me, about me, what judgments really are, and how everything exists as polarities, for the sake of creation of fear, became my strongest point and most vital part in growing basket of compasses and guides and maps within me. And if I would have to pick one reason, as why I continue as self-forgiveness till this date, after decade ago, this one was the utmost revealing realization of me, but other played very vital part as well, thus all are the same guides for me.

               Even as how I came to this realization, was quite fascinating, because my separation was defined by one simple thought within me, which was “ I am not you “ , and this thought occurred within my mind when my brother was speaking to me when I was just a boy, and he was comparing me with one specific being, which I didn’t liked and this thought happened within me that time, and it was done, I was separated in the mind living my dream. But this realization will be my guide forever.

               When I started stopping the mind, and seeing the thoughts of myself, and starting over some period track the thoughts to their origin, and start to see mechanics in between thoughts and emotions, what I always found was, that origin of each thought within me was fear. This was quite interesting, and I was not sure what this will bring to my life, but I understood that I can trust myself and simply continue with what I was doing in context of self-forgiveness, as I simply had to see and understand for myself, I could never accept knowledge or anything, as I seen that whatever is presented to me, I would never trust if I do not see for myself, walk for myself, understand for myself, and thus live for myself.  

Sure, I was not able to see everything as what is ahead of me that time, but anyway I am grateful that I never stopped, because, this seeing and understating as how fear is created within me, and which thought and feeling or emotions emerged from it, was another guide in the basket, and thus I could never let any thought within me unnoticed, or emotion, and I always had to start to see deeper because I always seen, that it is never just a thought, but much more to this is always.

               From points above, emerged realization of sexual energy, and seeing and understanding, that all sexual energy I experienced within me, is in fact always fear. Sexual energy, simply equals fear. And this fear has many facets, many forms, and comes with many dimensions, and here I can say, this was the most hard, challenging and lengthy point within me to walk.

               From begging, when I started to investigate my fears as sexual energy, my insecurities about myself, doubts, judgments, polarities, and possible actions, I was not able to see as how many I accepted within me to be part of me as me, but this realization, that all sexual energy is fear, I added to my basket of guides, and thus more I walked my life, more compasses I created for myself, to never again fall in the trap of the mind. And extensively great amount of my power has been given by me to my mind, to play with me and use me.

                Walking sexual points within me, took me more like 8 years, one by one, day by day, year by year, and you would never believe as what I did for myself to be able to push myself through this, and I pushed myself, me as the mind, me as a being, and me as a body, to real limits of me, where I was aware that I can possibly lead myself into a collapse of me and make some epic mistake for myself, but I had always one point in consideration for this, that I will do anything and everything possible for myself, to walk through the fears of me, but whatever I will do I will never harm myself. Physical well being of me was always the priority for me, and I can say, this was a great compass for me, because I never seriously harmed myself or damaged anything of my body, yet I had some tiny little issues after some specific points, or some mistakes, because body can handle only what body can handle, and I can say, I am grateful for my body, because what I body did for myself, and stood with me, and to show me what I accepted as fear to live in and as, was sometimes really crazy, but I had to do it. And if I would have to go back, I would do it the very same way, with some little improvements, but basically it was a cool way to work with the points within me, with my fear, and explore anything and everything possible within me.

               Within the walking sexual energy within me, I was after years always like, so this is it, this was the last point, and the another point emerged, and I understood that maybe I will never resolve this, or it will take how much it will take, and sometimes I was even pissed of or surprised as how this is possible so many points connected to this. But I continued, until one very specific moment, when I realized, what really happened within me and why and what I accepted and how it is even possible that such moment existed within me, when I was a young boy, as experience of fear within me, when I looked on a girl,  I had this paralyzing and trembling experience of myself, when I saw her, and all my life, I thought that it was fear, or love, or likeness of her, or whatever, but in the moment of realization, as what this really meant, and what really happened, finally I seen for myself. That all sexual energy, I experienced, lived, wanted, needed, or desired, was in fact, fear of myself. All sexual energies, thus fears, which I had through my entire life, was in fact, fear of myself, as projection, as what I will possibly do, or not, and this was linked to polarity of more and less, and I let my mind to abuse me each way possible and keep me trapped in this fear of myself, because I was no able to se that time, how I created it. And even, as a young boy, I had no chance to see this, nor understand, or realize. This was the blueprint and creation and specifically tailored experience of my mind for myself, to eat it, and start to live it.

               And here, I was able to see, how was possible that I believed that experience, why I believed it, Why I followed it all my life, and what that experience meant. All my fears, all my life, all my actions, all my words, was linked to this one very specific experience of fear, I could say, more like initial or starting point of me accepting fear, and this was decided, and tailored for myself much sooner, and according my realizations, I would say from begging of the existence.

               What was the most interesting point, within such realization was, that in fact, it was something completely else, so well hidden, and presented by my mind such genius way, that from that moment it was almost certain that I will never find out or realize, and thus I have to say, that mind and creation of the mind, and how mind can use self-deception to trap one within, is pure genius. 8 years or more took me, to came to this point, even some specific points I realized earlier in my life, but in context of me actively working and participating on this, it was such time.

               Fear of myself, is starting point for all fears within self, because self is not able to see, comprehend and understood, that self in fact exists as one. But separation, brings this illusion, that it is something else.

               And if you will reach this point within you, you will see, what it really means, when Anu said, where and how he placed himself as a part of a body.

               So, if you are experiencing sexual energy within you, you can always be sure, that you are deceiving yourself, and that in fact you are experiencing the fear in its purest form. If you are horny, be sure, that it is fear you do not see how you are creating it within you, and accepting within you. If you are horny, or sexually driven by energy within you, be sure you are just a slave of the mind, which uses you, like a tool, like a puppet, and you will give into and you will give the mind all the fears you can, and mind will hold you in this trap of you, because even you want and desire it. But, at the end, it is always fear, and this fear starts within you, where you are fearing yourself.

               Fear of self, is starting point for all possible fears you can experience within you, all judgments, all polarities, it all starts within you, as you, as who you are, and what you really fear of yourself.

               This points I walked for myself, and what I realized, was one of the hardest, really hardest, and most sophisticated creation within my mind as the mind, because I would never thought or guess the real reason, as how and why I accepted fear within me, and what part polarity of more and less plays as projection to the future of my future actions, of myself towards a girl really is. I am so grateful that I pushed myself to walk all of this, and I am so grateful for my body, and I am so grateful for myself, that despite all the odds, I am forever grateful for this opportunity which I gave myself, to see and realize how I created all of this, and thus give myself opportunity to live me as a being, no longer trapped in self-deception of fear.

               And thus, I have a basket, where is a map, on that map, are placed realizations of me which I accepted as me, and this map and realizations guided me as a compass in my life, almost for a decade. And, I will forever.

 So I trust myself, and became the trust of self, that I will never fall into a mind games again, or that even if by any chance I would, thanks to this, I trust myself that with my map, I will always find the way out, no matter what.

So I dare you, do anything and everything possible to see through the fear of yourself, push yourself as much as you can, and when you reach the point of self-realization as how and why you existed the way you did, you will, smile. 😊

You will smile because you will see, that all of it, was never real. You will smile and honor yourself, because you will see how all another parts which mind consist of and exists as and which you accepted to be and live and become, and which mind uses against you, as guilt, remorse, regret, sadness, anger, you name it, was your allowance, your acceptance, from begging of you and that nothing of that, was ever real, just a mirage of you. And here you give yourself opportunity, to became real you. As who you really are, as presence, as awareness, as love, as direction, as playfulness, as self-acceptance, as everything you can give to yourself, no more trapped in your self-delusion.

Alone or together, I am trust of me, forever.

Thanks, Juraj

The thirteenth doors

I walk slowly, my steps are small, silent, as I am looking on my right side and then left, along many huge pillars. I can hardly see the top of them, it seems they stretch and rise almost to infinity.

Ground has metallic surface, it feels like walking on a steel, so firm. I expect to be attacked, because I came here for a reason. I entered this domain with one intention only, and I must complete what needs to be done, as only I was able to come this far alive, all my predecessors are dead.

I saw many dead bodies, thrown on this metallic plane, which I passed already, some of them emitted this glow of light, some red, purple or yellow, looked like something killed them form inside, as I was not able to see any visible wounds, and why they glow I simply have no idea.

As I expect to be attacked by this force or beings or creatures or whatever this can be, I am so alerted within me, I hear my breath and that is the only sound I can hear, silence of this place feels almost like a mist in the air.

I have this armor around my chest, on my shoulders, thighs, arms and the helmet covering my head from bottom of my neck through head, ears and my forehead. But this armor is so unique, because it is not created from any physical element, but tailored as vibration and resonance as extension of me as a being as who I am. To create this armor took almost millennia’s, as I had to master the rituals of purity and creation of unshakable trust of myself, where from this trust I could expand myself beyond physical body and create these armored protective layers of me.

I have only one weapon, which is made from three parts, one part is attached in the middle of my chest, and two others to my palms. To activate this weapon, I have to put my hands together in front of my body and say the forbidden word from the begging of the creation. I was the only one who was able to get this from a masters of damned realm, for a promise to take on this task and finish what no one was able to complete before.

So, I walk here, it feels like a year’s as I have no possibility to recognize time and flow of it, and I do not feel tired, hungry, or thirsty, as this plane is above physical world I came from.

Suddenly, the pillars start to move and inject itself into the ground, and instead of them, massive doors appear around me, this looks like I am standing in the circle and 12 doors are around me.

 As I stand here, I wonder why I was not attacked, I guess it is because of my armor, but still prepared for anything possible, and I look on those doors and each has a different symbol in the middle. This seems that I have to choose one, or maybe all of them, or maybe neither. I have no idea how I should proceed further, nor even how I should open these doors, so I stand in the middle of this circle and the door starts to rotate around me, faster and faster and I can’t recognize them anymore as within this speed this looks like one single glowing metallic frame by all colors around me.

I look up and I see, these rotations are creating a tunnel and it is like me standing in the base of a huge chimney and on very top this seems to be like open, that is the 13^th door. But how to get there? I can’t jump to such heights, and I do not have any equipment to get there.

Maybe without my armor I could somehow fly here or walk through this mist of silence and use it as a step’s, but I can’t. This armor is possibly only thing I’ve got so far, and I can’t risk that one single moment would make me vulnerable for the forces to attack me, and let all be in vain.

So, I decided to stretch myself through the armor of me and create the thread of myself and try to reach the top of this vertical tunnel. As I feel I reached the open space on top, something grabbed me by thread of me and starts to pull me up.

This is it; I am sure that whatever is pulling me up will try to destroy me, but not. Because as I reach the top, I see top of the chimney became the ground and I realize that I am standing right in the middle of giant sphere, as in the distance I see glass like reflections and these reflections are continuous in all directions.

In distance, I see massive being, standing on two circular disks, and staring on me with this radiant eye, maybe hundred times bigger than me.

As I stand on this pillar, I see no option as how could I possibly move towards this being, and this being is showing no intentions to move towards me.

I experience the question of a being: “Who are you? “, and I realized that because of my armor, this being can not see into me nor recognize my intention, or who I am.

I do not reply, as I stand and see this being, in glamorous full body armor, shining by all colors and consisting of all possible elements, but the eyes are the most radiant.

As I didn’t reply, being continues: “I am the God and you came here to die. “, and within and as moment of me standing on this pillar, colorful light bursts from the eyes of this being and hits me with the attempt to kill me, but thanks to my armor nothing happened.

From the distance I can see the being is moved within and can’t comprehend why I am still here.

Unexpectedly, another being pops up next to the first one, looked like uncloaked itself, standing also on two circular disks, and the very same question is placed: “Who are you?”, and the second being can’t see into me the very same way as first one and the very same statement is spoken: “I am the God and you came here to die. “, and from the eyes of both beings bursts this colorful light and hits me, and again nothing happened and I stand firm on this pillar.

Both beings seem to be a little bit baffled, and I see the third one appears.

Unexpectedly, fourth, fifths, sixth and going on I see uncountable amount of beings appearing one by one next to each other, each being in this glorious armor covering whole body, shining and looking on me with these radiant eyes.

Sphere like structure starts to expand into enormous size, where I can not see the borders of it anymore, and I am still in the center of it.

And here I see infinite amount of beings around me, filling the entire vastness of space, looking on me and I experience from each being the very same statement.

Within the moment I realized that all of them will try to kill me and that they will all bursts their colorful light onto me.

 I rise my hands and I place them together in front of my chest, and from my chest the forbidden word from begging of creation flows and unite with my hands.

As the forbidden word reaches my hands the weapon united in my hands activates, I see all beings bursts their colorful light towards me.

I am hit with all possible light of all possible beings within all possible variations and intensities.

My armor breaks and forbidden word connects with all the light from all the beings and carry itself as an echo right into the center of all beings.

All light disappears, I experience this word to penetrate all of the existence.

I am in this darkness, I hear no one and nothing, and within and as this silence, the single word I hear from all of the existence as all the beings, and I realize, that this word, will never again be forbidden.

Thanks, Juraj

Day 151 : Inner Anger – Believing in system

                Last days, I started to experience various multiple points, and the major one is my inner anger towards myself because I trusted to the system, because I trusted the mind, my mind and the mind of others.

                I realized that nothing is possible to be trusted, and everything have to be questioned every way possible to do not fuck up with myself anymore. I saw people lying to me directly, and even they maybe do not noticed they did, but I had within me this anger towards me, that I fall into this trap of the mind.

                The deception of the mind is so extensive, that walk points by points seems to be sometimes never ending journey, but yes one moment this will eventually stop, and this will be the moment I will give up everything I became. Interestingly, if this will happen, or when, is unpredictable, maybe yes, maybe not.

                This relationships stored within me towards me, are like the heavy chains, like keeping me fucked and not allowing to me to be, but yes to be, means to be here, and never in the mind.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to be angry on myself because of believing in the system, in the mind, in the perceptions, projections, ideas and believe, not realizing that by this I abused and manipulated myself.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to exist in and as anger towards myself because of my own acceptances and allowances of living in submission of the mind.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that this inner anger within me is real, that to be angry on myself is valid and required, that to torture myself with this anger is fine, not seeing and realizing that by any emotion I just fueled the mind and validate the existence of the mind, myself as the mind, and thus gave power away to my mind, not seeing and realizing that anger is not real, that anger as energy experience is fuck up and illusion.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to be angry on myself because I didn’t stood up many times ago I saw I can and that I could, and thus trap myself into anger, blame and resentment towards myself because I didn’t stood up for myself even when I saw the moments as windows of opportunity for me to stand and say no, I do not accept this thoughts, ideas, believes, projections and energy.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to be angry on myself because I didn’t stood up for myself each moment in each breath, and let the things go to extreme, where the circumstances have to made me to stand up for myself.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to be angry on myself and exist within and as anger towards myself because I has been keeping on falling instead of keeping of standing in specific points and each moment I saw I am able to stand up for myself but I didn’t because I defined myself towards energy and as energy addict and thus I accepted and allowed to myself to be directed by mind to get this energy, denying and diminishing myself, pretending that this falls are ok and nothing serious is happening, but within this see myself acting in self dishonesty, each moment I accepted to myself to fall and thus be this became angry on myself and even trying to be surprised and wonder why I keep on falling, but I saw that I didn’t investigated the points I fall in absolute detail as I let back door opened within and as me and thus accepting self dishonesty rather to stand up and became self honest.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to be angry on myself because I saw my decisions made in self dishonesty and thus became angry on myself as being self dishonest.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to be angry on myself because of lack of investigation of the points I faced and thus became angry on myself because of my postponing, waiting for moments what will happen, instead of my being the directive principle and thus decide for myself each moment I am here as who I am, what I accept and why, in self honesty as I see and realize the components of the mind, how mind manipulate and how I enslaved myself into living in and as self dishonest being.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to be angry on myself because I saw that I can act differently but I didn’t because of my own acceptance of manipulation of myself by the mind, because each time I was aware which thought directs me, and that it is not me who directs but accepting to be directed.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to be angry on myself because I saw the thoughts which directed me and even by this accepted those thoughts and pretend it was my decision, and thus became angry on myself as I saw, realized and understood that those decisions was not decided and directed by myself as who I am in and as breath here, but accepted to be directed by the mind.

Thanks, Juraj 

Day 55 : Fear of betrayal – Part 2

                May times I faced the point, when the words of others has not been hold, when something has been said, promised, but actions of others has been different.

                Thus me, as a boy, I started to speak the promises, to my parents, to my brothers and sister, to my friends, to speak the words out of me, but aware I am not going to hold such words. As I saw that others do not hold what has been spoken, I thought myself, that it is ok to live that way, that others do not hold their words, thus I do not have to hold my words either, that if others betrayed me, I can betrayed others.

                I see here, how much deception has been created, and the most, my self deception within my words, what I said, how I said, to whom and with what intentions.

                The very fear, that I will be betrayed, the very fear of being betrayed, directed me to various situations in my life, where I faced and realized that this persona betrayed me, It was just confirmation for myself that I cannot trust human beings, that human beings are not trust worthy, that words which are spoken are just empty, useless bullshits spoken, and I felt lonely, hurt, I felt sorrow in me because of such spoken word which has not been hold.

                And thus, by paradox, I became the same, I copied this behavior, I copied this believe, that I do not need to hold my words, and thus question is – Who the fuck I became?

                I became not trustworthy persona, as I do not trusted anymore to anyone, I even stop trust in myself as I lost myself in the mess of lies, deception, self deception, as EGO separated entity, living just on my own, going and searching where I could get energy for myself, as I was not able to see into me and see my fears, anxieties and anger, as horror which I lived as a horror I accepted and allowed to wards myself.

                How could I trust to myself, if I was even not able to see what directs me? How could I trust inn me, if I was not able to see through the layers of lies within me and in others? How could I trust in me, when everything I knew, everything I became, was simply the lie? How could I live me, love me, like me, if I was not able to see what I live, who I am within this all, what are my needs, wants, desires, why this I allowed, how I created myself, what are the masks I used in front of others, why I hide, why I lived in polarity of the mind and many, many more?

                Where I lost the trust in me, how I lost the trust in me? It was when I started to stand as Ego, as a separate entity - within and as my mind, where this I, as energy became all of me. Where the thoughts started to flow in me, where I started to believe the thoughts, where I started to believe in illusion of me, as accepted and allowed thoughts, and therefore the energy created as a perception and believe that such experiencing is living me. It was not so. It is not so. It is deception, it is the utmost self deception ever, I lived in self deception, I lived lies of me, I lived the hoax of me, I live illusion of me, I placed my trust into illusion and disregarded myself as life, disregarded what is real, that what is here, as I turned to a god, god in my head as a voice in me I allowed and accepted to live – full of fear and horror.

                Time to stop.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to place my trust into a voice within and as me, voice in my head, as a voice of the mind, not seeing and realizing that this voice and this words in my head are of the mind and thus not real word of me as who I am here as life, as breath but words of the mind as a illusion as a program I allowed and accepted to myself to live accordingly and therefore follow and became the illusion of this voice as a reflection of my past, as a reflection of my past allowances and acceptances and thus diminishing my self value as life, disregarding what is real as what is here in very moment and thus accepting and allowing to live in self deception and lies of me as who I am, as defined separated EGO within and as my mind, where I placed the trust into a mind as a thoughts and thus energy experiences as polarity where I split myself into two parts as good/bad, positive/negative, like/do not like, true/not true, instead of seeing and realizing that only what is real is here, as life as breath of life of all beings, as that what matters as physical.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to fear that I will be betrayed in the future as a projection to the future in my mind that because I was betrayed in the past thus I have to be in future as well, not seeing and realizing that this is just repeating the living of the mind as a fear as a separation as a delusion of myself as my self definition as definition of trust, and therefore from perceived trust derived perception and experience of betrayal as a sorrow, pain, and feeling of being hurt, instead of seeing and realizing that only what can be trusted is here as only what is here is real, instead of seeing and realizing that mind can’t be trusted in anyway whatsoever as mind is deception of myself where mind always manipulate myself to do not see me, to see others and that what is here.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not see myself as a point of separation myself from myself as a point of separation myself from what is here but allowing and accepting to live in self delusion as self defined entity as EGO separated from all and everything, where ideas, believes, thoughts and energy experiences became my living and through this allowing and accepting to lost myself, to lost trust in myself, to lost me and to lost trust in others.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to lost my trust in myself through allowing and accepting living as a mind, living as a EGO, living as a energy addict where I allowed and accepted to be directed by the thoughts and energies I perceived within and as me positive and do not wanting to see into me what I suppressed within me as fears, anger and anxieties.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to fear of being betrayed as a point of myself separated from myself and thus fear that I will betray myself.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to think and believe that I can speak the words with being aware that I will not hold such words, and thus creating from me self deluded entity as EGO, where I allowed and accepted to speak empty words to myself, to others, and thus just live according lies and in separation from words I speak.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to thin and believe that if I saw others to lie, to deceive, that I can also deceive and lie and thus live in self deception of myself.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to place trust into a empty words of others, not seeing and realizing that all beings are living the mind and thus can’t be trusted, as everything of the mind can’t be trusted in anyway whatsoever.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to place my trust into a lies of the mind as words in my head and energies within me, instead of trusting myself here, instead of trusting my breath, instead of trusting the physical.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to limit myself and my self expression with placing my trust into a mind instead of trusting my breath here and thus express myself as living being here, as life, equal and one with myself , as the flesh as my body.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to limit my living and my seeing by placing my trust into a mind, as that what I know as information and knowledge of this world, instead of seeing and realizing that everything of this world is of the mind and therefore can’t be trusted.

Thanks, Juraj