The thirteenth doors

I walk slowly, my steps are small, silent, as I am looking on my right side and then left, along many huge pillars. I can hardly see the top of them, it seems they stretch and rise almost to infinity.

Ground has metallic surface, it feels like walking on a steel, so firm. I expect to be attacked, because I came here for a reason. I entered this domain with one intention only, and I must complete what needs to be done, as only I was able to come this far alive, all my predecessors are dead.

I saw many dead bodies, thrown on this metallic plane, which I passed already, some of them emitted this glow of light, some red, purple or yellow, looked like something killed them form inside, as I was not able to see any visible wounds, and why they glow I simply have no idea.

As I expect to be attacked by this force or beings or creatures or whatever this can be, I am so alerted within me, I hear my breath and that is the only sound I can hear, silence of this place feels almost like a mist in the air.

I have this armor around my chest, on my shoulders, thighs, arms and the helmet covering my head from bottom of my neck through head, ears and my forehead. But this armor is so unique, because it is not created from any physical element, but tailored as vibration and resonance as extension of me as a being as who I am. To create this armor took almost millennia’s, as I had to master the rituals of purity and creation of unshakable trust of myself, where from this trust I could expand myself beyond physical body and create these armored protective layers of me.

I have only one weapon, which is made from three parts, one part is attached in the middle of my chest, and two others to my palms. To activate this weapon, I have to put my hands together in front of my body and say the forbidden word from the begging of the creation. I was the only one who was able to get this from a masters of damned realm, for a promise to take on this task and finish what no one was able to complete before.

So, I walk here, it feels like a year’s as I have no possibility to recognize time and flow of it, and I do not feel tired, hungry, or thirsty, as this plane is above physical world I came from.

Suddenly, the pillars start to move and inject itself into the ground, and instead of them, massive doors appear around me, this looks like I am standing in the circle and 12 doors are around me.

 As I stand here, I wonder why I was not attacked, I guess it is because of my armor, but still prepared for anything possible, and I look on those doors and each has a different symbol in the middle. This seems that I have to choose one, or maybe all of them, or maybe neither. I have no idea how I should proceed further, nor even how I should open these doors, so I stand in the middle of this circle and the door starts to rotate around me, faster and faster and I can’t recognize them anymore as within this speed this looks like one single glowing metallic frame by all colors around me.

I look up and I see, these rotations are creating a tunnel and it is like me standing in the base of a huge chimney and on very top this seems to be like open, that is the 13^th door. But how to get there? I can’t jump to such heights, and I do not have any equipment to get there.

Maybe without my armor I could somehow fly here or walk through this mist of silence and use it as a step’s, but I can’t. This armor is possibly only thing I’ve got so far, and I can’t risk that one single moment would make me vulnerable for the forces to attack me, and let all be in vain.

So, I decided to stretch myself through the armor of me and create the thread of myself and try to reach the top of this vertical tunnel. As I feel I reached the open space on top, something grabbed me by thread of me and starts to pull me up.

This is it; I am sure that whatever is pulling me up will try to destroy me, but not. Because as I reach the top, I see top of the chimney became the ground and I realize that I am standing right in the middle of giant sphere, as in the distance I see glass like reflections and these reflections are continuous in all directions.

In distance, I see massive being, standing on two circular disks, and staring on me with this radiant eye, maybe hundred times bigger than me.

As I stand on this pillar, I see no option as how could I possibly move towards this being, and this being is showing no intentions to move towards me.

I experience the question of a being: “Who are you? “, and I realized that because of my armor, this being can not see into me nor recognize my intention, or who I am.

I do not reply, as I stand and see this being, in glamorous full body armor, shining by all colors and consisting of all possible elements, but the eyes are the most radiant.

As I didn’t reply, being continues: “I am the God and you came here to die. “, and within and as moment of me standing on this pillar, colorful light bursts from the eyes of this being and hits me with the attempt to kill me, but thanks to my armor nothing happened.

From the distance I can see the being is moved within and can’t comprehend why I am still here.

Unexpectedly, another being pops up next to the first one, looked like uncloaked itself, standing also on two circular disks, and the very same question is placed: “Who are you?”, and the second being can’t see into me the very same way as first one and the very same statement is spoken: “I am the God and you came here to die. “, and from the eyes of both beings bursts this colorful light and hits me, and again nothing happened and I stand firm on this pillar.

Both beings seem to be a little bit baffled, and I see the third one appears.

Unexpectedly, fourth, fifths, sixth and going on I see uncountable amount of beings appearing one by one next to each other, each being in this glorious armor covering whole body, shining and looking on me with these radiant eyes.

Sphere like structure starts to expand into enormous size, where I can not see the borders of it anymore, and I am still in the center of it.

And here I see infinite amount of beings around me, filling the entire vastness of space, looking on me and I experience from each being the very same statement.

Within the moment I realized that all of them will try to kill me and that they will all bursts their colorful light onto me.

 I rise my hands and I place them together in front of my chest, and from my chest the forbidden word from begging of creation flows and unite with my hands.

As the forbidden word reaches my hands the weapon united in my hands activates, I see all beings bursts their colorful light towards me.

I am hit with all possible light of all possible beings within all possible variations and intensities.

My armor breaks and forbidden word connects with all the light from all the beings and carry itself as an echo right into the center of all beings.

All light disappears, I experience this word to penetrate all of the existence.

I am in this darkness, I hear no one and nothing, and within and as this silence, the single word I hear from all of the existence as all the beings, and I realize, that this word, will never again be forbidden.

Thanks, Juraj

Day 68 : Relationship – Ship which always sinks

                The relationship to exist as connection, association between two points, separation must exist.

                How, when and why this separation is created, determine the outcome of distance between this points and perception of this two separated points, and within this created relationship where this two points refer to each other, and thus relate to each other.

                If possibility of creation of separation exists, thus the reverse must exist as well, thus unite this two points and merge this two points back together and thus this two points became one as it have to be the origin, as origin have to be the one point, which is split into two parts.

                If this one point, can be split into two points, thus it must be possible to split this two points into another two points and thus start fragmentation of this origin as one point into never ending splitting this point into infinity, if this origin point has not been determined by size by perspective of mind, as size is something only as a point of specific measurements, and also the points which are created as separated from origin, thus infinite cycles of splitting the points can exist. But also all parts and fragments must be the origin, as they came from origin.

                Therefore, if infinity cycles of splitting origin point into pieces and fragments can exist, therefore the merging the points together can also last infinite cycles where the separated, split points find their origin and realize that they are also the origin.

                If infinity of splitting can exist and reversing of this process, thus origin point by itself has to be infinite, thus infinity, thus eternal and simply remain. The origin point, therefore means, is not determined by time, as time is everything less then infinity. For infinity, or for that what is eternal, time must be simply irrelevant, otherwise time would have influence on the origin point and existence of origin point. That what is eternal, must be stable to such degree, that nothing and anything can influence it or determine its own existence.

                So let’s have a look, what is around us, what's always been here?

Thanks, Juraj

Day 38 : Love the fear – Fear the love

                As a child I had no idea about love, and I had no clue what it is fear. I was here and I just enjoyed the I live, nothing else existed.

                First time when I experienced fear, it was towards my parents, over time towards my brothers and sister, after some period towards the friends, then towards the school, then authorities within system, then teachers, then my girlfriends, then money, then drugs, then words, then anger, then movements, then looks, then lips, then touch, then sex, then pictures, then thoughts, then myself.

                Or vice versa.

                First time I experienced love as energy thus towards energy, then towards fear, then towards parents, then brothers and sister, then friends, then girlfriends, then money ,then sex, then desire, then thoughts, then ego.

                What I missed? Myself – I never had energy experience of love towards myself. Anyway, it is still irrelevant as it is still just energy.

I do not experienced real love all my life, as expression of life as me within moment, where all are equal as me as expression of me as love, except one very specific moment.

                Thus here I can say with absolute clarity, that if anyone experience love as energy feeling towards someone or something, thus you are absolutely blind and lost, love as energy is perversion and disgust, love as energy is ego, self interest, love as energy is absolute deception. Love as energy is fear, love as energy is separation, love as energy is that what kill life, love as energy is that where only self interest and self satisfaction is searched, love as energy is separation, love as energy feeling is horror, love as energy is absolute evil.

                Why do I say that?

                I breathed out and the breeze of my breath as my breath unfolded “coldness” into my body equally, where the breath reached at the same moments all parts of my body, and I experienced myself as love, I experienced myself that I am love, not as a feeling nor energy, the expression within and as moment of me as love stretched through my body towards myself and all beings, where the expression of love stretched all beings equally and the likeness to hug and kiss all of them within same moment took place, to hug all as me as myself as love as purity and innocence as living beings.

                Why do I do not experience myself as innocence of love as my expression towards myself as life and others equally?

                Answer, is very simple. Fear – FEAR – F E A R – Fear of sound – Fear of love.

                Why I fear love? Why I fear sound? Because all I know and understand is ego and inequality. All I know and understand is my prison within and as my mind as fears. I built my prison of myself based on multiple layers of fears towards myself through separation from myself.

                This means I fear equality.

                Once I thought I do not fear anything, but it was simply my denial to do not have to look on my fears and deny what is the most prominent point within me as me.

I live in absolute fear – to love myself equally.

This fear is what I call my way of living and my way of life and experiencing myself to be alive. But also I can say with clarity, that it is not so. It is not real and it is not who I really am, all are just memories I learned to “live” myself as character as persona where I act who I am, but it is not who I really am. I act myself and I play myself according memories I learned what works within system and what not, what brings me energy and what not, I have to laugh on myself.

How ridiculous this is, that I became actor of my life – Not seeing and realizing who I really am as life here, and thus not live myself in self-honesty.

You may ask, what real love is, and the answer is just one word – Equality.

Equality is just one word but this one word covers everything in absolute. But to really grasp what equality is, that is quite journey, journey into the exploring most amazing point in existence called – Life.

Thanks, Juraj