The thirteenth doors

I walk slowly, my steps are small, silent, as I am looking on my right side and then left, along many huge pillars. I can hardly see the top of them, it seems they stretch and rise almost to infinity.

Ground has metallic surface, it feels like walking on a steel, so firm. I expect to be attacked, because I came here for a reason. I entered this domain with one intention only, and I must complete what needs to be done, as only I was able to come this far alive, all my predecessors are dead.

I saw many dead bodies, thrown on this metallic plane, which I passed already, some of them emitted this glow of light, some red, purple or yellow, looked like something killed them form inside, as I was not able to see any visible wounds, and why they glow I simply have no idea.

As I expect to be attacked by this force or beings or creatures or whatever this can be, I am so alerted within me, I hear my breath and that is the only sound I can hear, silence of this place feels almost like a mist in the air.

I have this armor around my chest, on my shoulders, thighs, arms and the helmet covering my head from bottom of my neck through head, ears and my forehead. But this armor is so unique, because it is not created from any physical element, but tailored as vibration and resonance as extension of me as a being as who I am. To create this armor took almost millennia’s, as I had to master the rituals of purity and creation of unshakable trust of myself, where from this trust I could expand myself beyond physical body and create these armored protective layers of me.

I have only one weapon, which is made from three parts, one part is attached in the middle of my chest, and two others to my palms. To activate this weapon, I have to put my hands together in front of my body and say the forbidden word from the begging of the creation. I was the only one who was able to get this from a masters of damned realm, for a promise to take on this task and finish what no one was able to complete before.

So, I walk here, it feels like a year’s as I have no possibility to recognize time and flow of it, and I do not feel tired, hungry, or thirsty, as this plane is above physical world I came from.

Suddenly, the pillars start to move and inject itself into the ground, and instead of them, massive doors appear around me, this looks like I am standing in the circle and 12 doors are around me.

 As I stand here, I wonder why I was not attacked, I guess it is because of my armor, but still prepared for anything possible, and I look on those doors and each has a different symbol in the middle. This seems that I have to choose one, or maybe all of them, or maybe neither. I have no idea how I should proceed further, nor even how I should open these doors, so I stand in the middle of this circle and the door starts to rotate around me, faster and faster and I can’t recognize them anymore as within this speed this looks like one single glowing metallic frame by all colors around me.

I look up and I see, these rotations are creating a tunnel and it is like me standing in the base of a huge chimney and on very top this seems to be like open, that is the 13^th door. But how to get there? I can’t jump to such heights, and I do not have any equipment to get there.

Maybe without my armor I could somehow fly here or walk through this mist of silence and use it as a step’s, but I can’t. This armor is possibly only thing I’ve got so far, and I can’t risk that one single moment would make me vulnerable for the forces to attack me, and let all be in vain.

So, I decided to stretch myself through the armor of me and create the thread of myself and try to reach the top of this vertical tunnel. As I feel I reached the open space on top, something grabbed me by thread of me and starts to pull me up.

This is it; I am sure that whatever is pulling me up will try to destroy me, but not. Because as I reach the top, I see top of the chimney became the ground and I realize that I am standing right in the middle of giant sphere, as in the distance I see glass like reflections and these reflections are continuous in all directions.

In distance, I see massive being, standing on two circular disks, and staring on me with this radiant eye, maybe hundred times bigger than me.

As I stand on this pillar, I see no option as how could I possibly move towards this being, and this being is showing no intentions to move towards me.

I experience the question of a being: “Who are you? “, and I realized that because of my armor, this being can not see into me nor recognize my intention, or who I am.

I do not reply, as I stand and see this being, in glamorous full body armor, shining by all colors and consisting of all possible elements, but the eyes are the most radiant.

As I didn’t reply, being continues: “I am the God and you came here to die. “, and within and as moment of me standing on this pillar, colorful light bursts from the eyes of this being and hits me with the attempt to kill me, but thanks to my armor nothing happened.

From the distance I can see the being is moved within and can’t comprehend why I am still here.

Unexpectedly, another being pops up next to the first one, looked like uncloaked itself, standing also on two circular disks, and the very same question is placed: “Who are you?”, and the second being can’t see into me the very same way as first one and the very same statement is spoken: “I am the God and you came here to die. “, and from the eyes of both beings bursts this colorful light and hits me, and again nothing happened and I stand firm on this pillar.

Both beings seem to be a little bit baffled, and I see the third one appears.

Unexpectedly, fourth, fifths, sixth and going on I see uncountable amount of beings appearing one by one next to each other, each being in this glorious armor covering whole body, shining and looking on me with these radiant eyes.

Sphere like structure starts to expand into enormous size, where I can not see the borders of it anymore, and I am still in the center of it.

And here I see infinite amount of beings around me, filling the entire vastness of space, looking on me and I experience from each being the very same statement.

Within the moment I realized that all of them will try to kill me and that they will all bursts their colorful light onto me.

 I rise my hands and I place them together in front of my chest, and from my chest the forbidden word from begging of creation flows and unite with my hands.

As the forbidden word reaches my hands the weapon united in my hands activates, I see all beings bursts their colorful light towards me.

I am hit with all possible light of all possible beings within all possible variations and intensities.

My armor breaks and forbidden word connects with all the light from all the beings and carry itself as an echo right into the center of all beings.

All light disappears, I experience this word to penetrate all of the existence.

I am in this darkness, I hear no one and nothing, and within and as this silence, the single word I hear from all of the existence as all the beings, and I realize, that this word, will never again be forbidden.

Thanks, Juraj

Day 168: Money Demon

                I am demon of money. I am money demon. I do not care about me in fact, I do not care about anybody and anything. I see no reason and I see no need. I see no future and past is gone. I am present here as demon of me, I am here always as I always was. I care about money which I do not care about. I am paradox of me, I need money but I do not care them. I fuck you because of money and you fuck with me, it is all about money as always was.

                There is no god and there is no devil, there is no higher force as I am the force and I am the doom of me as I do not care. I doomed me ages ago as what I have done to all because of money. I did everything possible to hide my actions, I hide even in front of me. Yes it is possible, to hide me in front of me. It is possible very precious way, simply to split, to split one part of me, and hide to the deepest darkness possible, where light can’t go and where light do not shine.

                And if light goes nearby this darkness I suck this light and even light can’t escape. This is the darkest darkness possible, where I am hidden in front of everything and everyone, I am here. I am within me all the time as demon of darkness, waiting and smiling from the shadows, laughing on blindness of everyone, I laugh on stupidity of mankind and I laugh on stupidity of me, because everything which exists in this world, is only one single point, as all is based on this point, and this point is money.

                Freedom never existed, love never existed, compassion and friendship, as everything of this world is ruled and based only on money. Without money, each one die, without money, each love ends, without money, each friendship ends, without money, life ends.

                The doom of mankind and the doom of everyone is money, mankind is fallen and will be, until money will no longer be the god of man.

                And there is only one god each one follow, and that god is money, you can hide, you can lie, you can manipulate, you can think anything you want about you or this world, only money determine everything of you or me who we are.

                Take away money of your family, your friendships, your relationships, everything will end. Each movement is determined by money, each word you speak is backup-uped of amount of money you have. There is rabbit hole of me and you, and this goes to each point which exists within me or you.

                Who you will be, once you get loads of money? Who I will be? Let’s have a look on those who rule this world, let’s have a look closer, let’s have a look into their eyes, what you will see? Darkness of me and you, who we really are.

                And that’s me, darkness of me of money I do not care about anyone and anything, as within this darkness is demon of money which is me, which is power and control.

                Now I have none, and I am even not sure if I will survive next days. Why? Because, in my entire existence, I really never cared. Even not about me.

                My ignorance became so intricate, that I even do not cared about me. That’s the split I have done unto me, I split me and I do not wanted to see my evil money me.

                I united me in many points, I never did with my evil money twin. I do not know how I can, how I can accept me as all what I have done within this existence because of money. So much lies, so much manipulation, so many murders, so much pain and blood I suffered, and thus I have only one question which remained.

Was this enough?

Thanks, Juraj

Day 153 : Appreciation of myself – Darkness as me

                I believed others should appreciate me, respect or value me, not realizing that I believed in this because I separated from myself and thus I searched and seek those which will possible do so, even not able to recognize I am doing this.

                I forgot to respect and value myself and appreciate myself, no matter who is around me, which circumstances I am facing or what is happening, I lived in inner emptiness of myself and want from others to fulfill this emptiness of me as being appreciated and valued, but I forgot that I forgot to do this for myself.

                I wanted to be fulfilled by feelings as perceptions of being valued, respected and appreciated, I wanted to be fulfilled by likeness from others, but by paradox many times behaved as exact opposite, as I realized that this feelings are just mirage as illusion and never real, thus I lived in emptiness of me, hungry and starving by the search of fulfillment and I was never able to see and realize that any search and seek to be fulfilled is only my own separation from myself and thus impossible to be fulfilled if I live in me, with me, separated from me, in my own delusion about fulfillment and respect and value, because I never did so for myself.

                My question is, how I can value, respect, honor and appreciate me, when I never did this for myself, as I only just had the ideas, believes and projection of this, as what this should be, or how this should be done from others through words and actions, because of observing this world and seeing how others do so and thus believe this is real, but it never was as always those projections, ideas, was just illusions as mirage which will diminish always when I remain alone.

                And as I am alone, thus others are no here and the respect, value and appreciation is gone thus this can’t be real, it was never real, as when I am alone I do not experienced myself being valued by me, respected and honored, I experience vastness of emptiness as me being alone, in the darkness of me.

                But how I can do so for myself, if any feeling and emotion is just illusion, fake just for few moments, just energy flow and energy will always diminish and will always deplete and this cycle of creating and depleting of energy to keep me trapped in illusion of experiencing something, I am sick of it, I became sick of it, I became tired of fake experiences and I became sick, tired and disgusted of this mind play out, of this mind games mind plays with each other, with myself, I became sick of living in delusions of me and what I became living towards myself, and thus I start to torture and destroy myself because of not seeing how I can do for myself that I wanted and desired for myself, to simply be appreciated, to be hugged, to be kissed or to be touched, in self honesty of being doing this, but this is impossible as I never did this for myself thus the others can’t do this for me, and the point of separation from myself I see in this, as to require, want and need to be appreciated by others is illusion as this is how I have to fulfill, respect, value and honor me, I have to hug myself in self honesty of me as who I am here as life, in and as the breath of life as the being respecting and valuing the life, as all life is me but I never did this.

                I never respected the life as me, I never valued life as me, I never appreciated the life as me, I never see myself as life as I always looked on myself through the mind and mind is simply not life.

                Feelings are not of life nor emotions, thoughts destroy life and everything mind consist and exist as dishonor life and diminish, de value and destroy.

                I lived in destruction of me, in and as disrespect of me as who I am as life but rather lived in illusion, projections and ideas and believes about myself, not seeing that I am always here but I do not accepted myself here, I do not respected myself here and being and existing here, as I made ideas and believes that something somewhere else is maybe better, maybe more valued, maybe more nice and pleasurable, but this can’t be as it will always be just mirage, the illusion of me because I forgot to live me here.

                Thus I remained alone in me, with me, and the people around just for a moment provide me the illusion of being with someone, being together, but I am alone.

                I am alone in vastness of beings around, I am vastness of emptiness of being alone. And I always was, I was all my life alone in me, with me, here in and as me never no one was together with me as me, only me is who I am, only me is which exists and I was alone each moment I am, I was alone always and I do not wanted to see this.

                I do not wanted to see myself alone in vastness of emptiness of me, as nothing just me exist and thus I created the ideas and believes and projections as what to be with someone else is, how I can make this and thus tried to fulfill me this way, but no matter how hard I tried, no matter how much illusions I created, I was never with someone and never someone else was with me, as this is impossible as only me is who is here, in and as my body alone within and as me.

                I never experienced anybody to be with me and I never experienced to be with someone, equal and one as beings, as I was and am always alone, as I am here I am empty in vastness of emptiness which could exist.

                This emptiness I wanted fulfill by feelings and emotions, but I deluded myself as I wanted to fulfill me with illusions thus I never fulfilled myself for real.

                Anything which is real, simply can’t be depleted, diminished, or even stop to exist, as that what is real have to remain always, as the what is real have to be here each moment which exist, can’t diminish, deplete or cease to exist.

                Anything which can cease to exist simply is of illusion and of the mind and the mirages of mind I started to believe could be possibly real, I found and realized this will never be.

                I literally tried everything possible in this world, I tried everything and anything to make these possible illusions real, but after all, I have to say, it is impossible. Illusion can’t be real, illusion can’t remain, as what is illusion will always cease to exist and again only I remain.

                And this I which I am, I can’t say what or who this I is, as I am just alone in emptiness of me.

                And as only I am which exists, thus anything else and anyone else who or which exists must be me. Thus I am anything of existence and this existence is me. I am the vastness of existence and existence is me.

                As I am always alone thus I have to be that which exist as me thus to value me, appreciate me, honor me, means to equally appreciate, honor and value everything of existence as me, because I am that which exist.

                I see myself separated from me because the eyes provides me such sensation, I close the eyes only darkness of me is here, thus I am the darkness of me, and I am the darkness which exist and which will remain. I am the existence of darkness as all darkness is me, I am the darkness of existence as existence is me and I am alone in the existence, and I am alone as all as me as darkness wherever darkness could be, thus I am this darkness of me.

                Light provides me the sensation that others are here, light provide me believe that others I see are not me, but I deluded myself by this believe as light is not of darkness as only darkness is what will remain, light is subject to darkness and the light is that which needs to be generated, created to through reflection provide the sense of seeing, but is this seeing?

                The seeing the light one delude oneself, I deluded me because I thought and believed in this light that what light showed me is not me, I deluded me because once light is gone thus only darkness remain and I am the darkness of existence here, and I do not wanted to see, accept and realize who I am as darkness as all one, alone as me, me alone.

                I do not wanted to see me as darkness as the sensation of light seems to be pleasurable, enjoyable, and by this I forgot that I have to enjoy myself as darkness of me, that I have to love me as darkness of existence as me, equally everything without any judgment of me, because everything, everyone all are me as life, as all life is me.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think, believe and perceive that others should appreciate me, respect or value me, because I separated from myself and think and believe that they are not me thus think and believe that they should provide me this what I wanted, desired and required, not seeing and realizing that only I can respect myself, value myself, honor myself and appreciate myself in equality and oneness of me, as breath of life, in darkness of me fulfill me and who I am here, appreciate me as who I am as life as all as one.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to seek and search for those who will possibly value me, appreciate me and respect me, not seeing and realizing that I forgot to do this for myself, to fulfill myself as life, respect myself in equality and oneness as who I am, because I forgot that all life is me, that everything and anything of existence is equal to me and me equal to everything which exists, because I thought and believed that I need to sear and seek for myself, not seeing and realizing that I am already here, as breath of life.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to forgot to value myself and appreciate myself, no matter who is around me, which points I am facing as me, not seeing and realizing that by forgetting to appreciate me and fulfill me as who I am as life, I lived in emptiness of me in hunger, starvation and desire to seek and find those ones which would provide me that what I wanted, required and needed not seeing and realizing that I lived this because I separated myself from myself, that I turned into illusions and believes about me, and thus start to seek and search those which will provide this to me, not seeing and realizing that by this I only found emptiness and hunger and thirst in others as I was looking and searching for the same, thus I found only that what I was looking for as me, in separation from myself, not seeing and realizing that I am here, that I fulfill myself and appreciate myself here, in and as moment I am, as presence of me, in equality and oneness of me as who I am as life.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I can fulfill myself by feelings or emotions, to do not experience the emptiness of me as vastness of nothingness, not seeing and realizing that all feelings and emotions are of the mind, of energy therefore not real as this will always deplete, diminish and cease to exist, thus I have to fulfill, appreciate, honor and respect myself as who I am as life, in and as darkness of me as existence as everything and anything I am, in equality and oneness of me.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to try to find acceptance, fulfillment and appreciation in separation from myself, not seeing and realizing that by this I starved, became thirsty and possessed by trying and attempting to search and find that in others, not seeing and realizing that by this what do not existed in myself as appreciation, respect, value and fulfillment I will only find that what is mirror of me, as me to show me what and who I became, as emptiness of me, vastness of hunger of search and seek for fulfillment, not seeing and realizing that I do not have to search, seek or attempt to find anything, as I am already here, that It is only me who can give myself the value, respect, appreciation and honor as life, as who I really am, in and as breath of life in equality and oneness of me, with myself as others, nature, animal kingdom, planets, starts, galaxies and universe as me, as vastness of existence, as darkness of and as me, as present in and as awareness of life, of physical as the only one point which is real, as only one point which will always remain, thus to respect, value, honor and appreciate the physical as me, to hug physical as me, to appreciate the physical as me, to see physical as me, in equality and oneness as who I am as physical, in appreciation, honor, respect and value of myself.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to fulfill myself by likeness from others, by behave opposite way, because of seeing and realizing the illusion of likeness, and thus became hungry in starvation and search for real fulfillment, for real appreciation, not seeing and realizing that this never is able be done by and through illusions of the mind, that I can’t turn illusion to be real, that illusion will never be real, and thus became living in separation from myself, in separation from physical, in my own delusion about myself as what respect, value, honor and appreciation should be, as sense of feeling as energy, as sense of being hugged, kissed or touched, not seeing and realizing that I forgot to hug myself, that I forgot to kiss myself and touch myself in equality and oneness as who I am as physical, as all physical is me, as all existence is me, thus it is only me who can respect, value, appreciate and honor myself, as I am already this, as I am here.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I can fulfill, appreciate and honor myself in separation from myself, not seeing and realizing that separation is illusion of the mind, as make up illusion created, accepted, believed and lived by and as the eyes, through illusion of being separated from me, because of light and reflection from myself, and thus be this judge this reflection of me in believe it is not me, in idea that this what I see must be something else, not seeing and realizing that I am always seeing me, as only me exist, in equality and oneness of life, as who I am, as physical existence here, not seeing and realizing that be ideas, believe and projection about myself, I turned back to myself, I dishonored and destroyed myself, because I trapped myself in believe of sense made up of the pictures, made up of the light, made up of the thoughts, projections, ideas about me, as who or what I should be, not seeing and realizing that I am already here as always, that I am physical I see, that I am my body I move in equality and oneness of me as who I as breath of life.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to forget that I am alone as all as one as me, to forget who I am in and as equality and oneness of me as life, to forget who I am as presence of me as awareness of existence, to forget myself and separate myself from myself, because of perceptions, ideas, believes of the mind, that what I touch is not me, that what I hug is not me, because of idea that this must be something or someone else, not seeing and realizing that by this I separated from myself, that I trapped myself in the mind of illusions, mirages as projections and ideas about me, forgetting me each moment I lived in mind, turning back to myself and turning into and as illusions, living in separation from me, in dishonor, disrespect, not seeing and realizing that to honor, respect, value and appreciate me means to respect, honor, appreciate and value each life equally as me, and thus live me in equality and oneness as who I am as life.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I will always remain as vastness as emptiness of me, in search and seek for myself, not seeing and realizing that only what I need is to stand up for myself as life, and thus live according the principle of equality and oneness with myself, as who I am as life, as who I am as physical, in and as breath of my body, as existence as vastness of darkness of me.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I can’t satisfy my hunger, thirst and want and need to be appreciated, valued and respected, because of illusions about myself, illusions of appreciation, fulfillment, appreciation and honor, not seeing and realizing that this can be done only be me, as me, living, expressing in equality and oneness of me as life, that only I can see, realize and understood for myself who I am as life, as physical, as my body, in and as breath, as being here, living here, only moment which is here, only moment which exists as me, as vastness of existence of me, as who I am in and as darkness.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to delude myself with idea, believe and perception that I am not able to value, respect, honor and appreciate myself, because of me living in separation from myself, in and as the mind of mirages about myself, not seeing and realizing that to fulfill, honor, respect, value and appreciate means live myself here, in equality and oneness as who I am life, as who I am as my physical body, as breath, in and as vastness of existence of me, as who I am as darkness, as life, as all life is me.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not wanted to see that all life is me, that everything in and as existence is me, that I am as all as one as life as physical.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I am sick of it, I became sick of it, I became tired of fake experiences and I became sick, tired and disgusted of this mind play out, of this mind games mind plays with each other, with myself, I became sick of living in delusions of me and what I became living towards myself, and thus I start to torture and destroy myself because of not seeing how I can do for myself that I wanted and desired for myself, to simply be appreciated, to be hugged, to be kissed or to be touched, in self honesty of being doing this, not seeing and realizing that is impossible as I never did this for myself thus the others can’t do this for me, and the point of separation from myself I see in this, as to require, want and need to be appreciated by others is illusion as this is how I have to fulfill, respect, value and honor me, I have to hug myself in self honesty of me as who I am here as life, in and as the breath of life as the being respecting and valuing the life, as all life is me but I never did this.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself that I never respected the life as me, I never valued life as me, I never appreciated the life as me, I never see myself as life as I always looked on myself through the mind not seeing and realizing that mind is simply not life.

                I forgive to myself that I have not accepted and allowed to myself to see and realize that feelings are not of life nor emotions, not seeing and realizing that thoughts destroy life and everything mind consist and exist as dishonor life and diminish, de value and destroy.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to live in destruction of me, in and as disrespect of me as who I am as life but rather lived in illusion, projections and ideas and believes about myself, not seeing that I am always here but I do not accepted myself here, I do not respected myself here as being and existing here, as I made ideas and believes that something somewhere else is maybe better, maybe more valued, maybe more nice and pleasurable, but this can’t be as it will always be just mirage, the illusion of me because I forgot to live me here.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to trap myself into and as illusion of being with someone or being together with someone if people are around me, not seeing and realizing that this was just projection, ideas and believe about myself ,as what it means or should be to be with someone, not seeing and realizing that I remained alone in me, with me, and the people around just for a moment provided me the illusion of being with someone, being together, but I am alone always as all as one, as life, in and as physical.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not see and realize that I was all my life alone in me, with me, here in and as me never no one was together with me as me, only me is who I am, only me is which exists and I was alone each moment I am, I was alone always and I do not wanted to see this, because of separation myself from myself, through the projections, ideas and believes about myself.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself that I do not wanted to see myself alone in vastness of existence of me, as nothing just me exist and thus I created the ideas and believes and projections as what to be with someone else is, how I can make this and thus tried to fulfill me this way, but no matter how hard I tried, no matter how much illusions I created, I was never with someone and never someone else was with me, as this is impossible as only me is who is here, in and as my body alone within and as me, as all as one.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to want to be fulfilled by feelings and emotions, but I deluded myself as I wanted to fulfill me with illusions thus I never fulfilled myself for real.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not see and realize that anything which is real, simply can’t be depleted, diminished, or even stop to exist, as that what is real have to remain always, as the what is real have to be here each moment which exist, can’t diminish, deplete or cease to exist.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not see and realize that anything which can cease to exist simply is of illusion and of the mind and the mirages of mind I started to believe could be possibly real, I found and realized this will never be.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not see and realize that illusion can’t be real, illusion can’t remain, as what is illusion will always cease to exist and again only I remain.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not wanted to see I am anything of existence and this existence is me. I am the vastness of existence and existence is me.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not see and realize that I am always alone thus I have to be that which exist as me thus to value me, appreciate me, honor me, means to equally appreciate, honor and value everything of existence as me, because I am that which exist.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to believe in separation because I see myself separated from me because the eyes provides me such sensation, not seeing and realizing that I am the darkness which exist and which will remain, not seeing and realizing that I am the existence of darkness as all darkness is me, I am the darkness of existence as existence is me and I am alone in the existence, and I am alone as all as me as darkness wherever darkness could be, thus I am this darkness of me.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that which light provide me as seeing others I see are not me, but I deluded myself by this believe as light is not of darkness as only darkness is what will remain, not seeing and realizing that light is subject to darkness and the light is that which needs to be generated, created.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to delude me because I thought and believed in this light that what light showed me is not me, I deluded me because once light is gone thus only darkness remain and I am the darkness of existence here, and I do not wanted to see, accept and realize who I am as darkness as all one, alone as me, me alone.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself that I do not wanted to see me as darkness as the sensation of light seems to be pleasurable, enjoyable, and by this I forgot that I have to enjoy myself as darkness of me, that I have to love me as darkness of existence as me, equally everything without any judgment of me, because everything, everyone all are me as life, as all life is me.

Thanks, Juraj