The thirteenth doors

I walk slowly, my steps are small, silent, as I am looking on my right side and then left, along many huge pillars. I can hardly see the top of them, it seems they stretch and rise almost to infinity.

Ground has metallic surface, it feels like walking on a steel, so firm. I expect to be attacked, because I came here for a reason. I entered this domain with one intention only, and I must complete what needs to be done, as only I was able to come this far alive, all my predecessors are dead.

I saw many dead bodies, thrown on this metallic plane, which I passed already, some of them emitted this glow of light, some red, purple or yellow, looked like something killed them form inside, as I was not able to see any visible wounds, and why they glow I simply have no idea.

As I expect to be attacked by this force or beings or creatures or whatever this can be, I am so alerted within me, I hear my breath and that is the only sound I can hear, silence of this place feels almost like a mist in the air.

I have this armor around my chest, on my shoulders, thighs, arms and the helmet covering my head from bottom of my neck through head, ears and my forehead. But this armor is so unique, because it is not created from any physical element, but tailored as vibration and resonance as extension of me as a being as who I am. To create this armor took almost millennia’s, as I had to master the rituals of purity and creation of unshakable trust of myself, where from this trust I could expand myself beyond physical body and create these armored protective layers of me.

I have only one weapon, which is made from three parts, one part is attached in the middle of my chest, and two others to my palms. To activate this weapon, I have to put my hands together in front of my body and say the forbidden word from the begging of the creation. I was the only one who was able to get this from a masters of damned realm, for a promise to take on this task and finish what no one was able to complete before.

So, I walk here, it feels like a year’s as I have no possibility to recognize time and flow of it, and I do not feel tired, hungry, or thirsty, as this plane is above physical world I came from.

Suddenly, the pillars start to move and inject itself into the ground, and instead of them, massive doors appear around me, this looks like I am standing in the circle and 12 doors are around me.

 As I stand here, I wonder why I was not attacked, I guess it is because of my armor, but still prepared for anything possible, and I look on those doors and each has a different symbol in the middle. This seems that I have to choose one, or maybe all of them, or maybe neither. I have no idea how I should proceed further, nor even how I should open these doors, so I stand in the middle of this circle and the door starts to rotate around me, faster and faster and I can’t recognize them anymore as within this speed this looks like one single glowing metallic frame by all colors around me.

I look up and I see, these rotations are creating a tunnel and it is like me standing in the base of a huge chimney and on very top this seems to be like open, that is the 13^th door. But how to get there? I can’t jump to such heights, and I do not have any equipment to get there.

Maybe without my armor I could somehow fly here or walk through this mist of silence and use it as a step’s, but I can’t. This armor is possibly only thing I’ve got so far, and I can’t risk that one single moment would make me vulnerable for the forces to attack me, and let all be in vain.

So, I decided to stretch myself through the armor of me and create the thread of myself and try to reach the top of this vertical tunnel. As I feel I reached the open space on top, something grabbed me by thread of me and starts to pull me up.

This is it; I am sure that whatever is pulling me up will try to destroy me, but not. Because as I reach the top, I see top of the chimney became the ground and I realize that I am standing right in the middle of giant sphere, as in the distance I see glass like reflections and these reflections are continuous in all directions.

In distance, I see massive being, standing on two circular disks, and staring on me with this radiant eye, maybe hundred times bigger than me.

As I stand on this pillar, I see no option as how could I possibly move towards this being, and this being is showing no intentions to move towards me.

I experience the question of a being: “Who are you? “, and I realized that because of my armor, this being can not see into me nor recognize my intention, or who I am.

I do not reply, as I stand and see this being, in glamorous full body armor, shining by all colors and consisting of all possible elements, but the eyes are the most radiant.

As I didn’t reply, being continues: “I am the God and you came here to die. “, and within and as moment of me standing on this pillar, colorful light bursts from the eyes of this being and hits me with the attempt to kill me, but thanks to my armor nothing happened.

From the distance I can see the being is moved within and can’t comprehend why I am still here.

Unexpectedly, another being pops up next to the first one, looked like uncloaked itself, standing also on two circular disks, and the very same question is placed: “Who are you?”, and the second being can’t see into me the very same way as first one and the very same statement is spoken: “I am the God and you came here to die. “, and from the eyes of both beings bursts this colorful light and hits me, and again nothing happened and I stand firm on this pillar.

Both beings seem to be a little bit baffled, and I see the third one appears.

Unexpectedly, fourth, fifths, sixth and going on I see uncountable amount of beings appearing one by one next to each other, each being in this glorious armor covering whole body, shining and looking on me with these radiant eyes.

Sphere like structure starts to expand into enormous size, where I can not see the borders of it anymore, and I am still in the center of it.

And here I see infinite amount of beings around me, filling the entire vastness of space, looking on me and I experience from each being the very same statement.

Within the moment I realized that all of them will try to kill me and that they will all bursts their colorful light onto me.

 I rise my hands and I place them together in front of my chest, and from my chest the forbidden word from begging of creation flows and unite with my hands.

As the forbidden word reaches my hands the weapon united in my hands activates, I see all beings bursts their colorful light towards me.

I am hit with all possible light of all possible beings within all possible variations and intensities.

My armor breaks and forbidden word connects with all the light from all the beings and carry itself as an echo right into the center of all beings.

All light disappears, I experience this word to penetrate all of the existence.

I am in this darkness, I hear no one and nothing, and within and as this silence, the single word I hear from all of the existence as all the beings, and I realize, that this word, will never again be forbidden.

Thanks, Juraj

Day 67 : Tiredness – Direction – Self movement

                What is tiredness, and what means to be tired? When tiredness is real? I noticed interesting point, at the beginning of my process, after applying self-forgiveness I became sometimes so tired, that I was not able to function and thus I had to go to bed, to sleep just for a while, as tiredness experienced was immense.

                Over time, this tiredness became les and les and eventually I was able to function fresh all day, I applied SF on tiredness so far many times. Each time this tiredness disappeared and I continued during my days.

                As I realized, real physical tiredness I always experience within and as my body, in muscles, when I see that my body is really tired and need rest. The second type of tiredness, I experience within my head region, it is just sense of being tired, this sense come often after stopping some point, some energies within me, of after applying SF, just question is, why this tiredness come?

                Sometimes, this tiredness was within me as a protection mechanism of not wanting to face the reality, not wanting to face me, thus energy created and sense of being tired, to rather escape and not have to do what I had to, most of time when I had to accomplish something, and I do not wanted, or I do not wanted to bother myself with participation on specific tasks, thus rather I allowed tiredness to emerge within me and thus go to bed.

                Or after applying SF, experience like removed energy and living on that energy, and thus have nothing within me what could move me, instead of taking responsibility and move myself without this energy. Interesting scenarios.

                Anyway, it is always, to be directed by energy, or direct self as self movement. To move, be here and enjoy the presence without necessity of being directed by anything and anyone. That’s quite journey to accomplish into perfection.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that tiredness exist, that it is real experience of me, instead of realizing that tiredness as experience within and as my body, in head, as energy is just of the mind, created and generated by me as a point of not wanting to face me, to participate on that what is required to be done, as my resistance, as a point of boredom, as a point of energy requirement of being directed by energy and live on and as energy, instead of standing up as who I am, instead of taking responsibility for myself and my world and people within my world and move myself ,express myself, voice myself and speak myself within and as breath ,as expression of me as living word.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself the tiredness to exist within and as me as a energy generated and allowed by me as mind as a point of not have to accomplish certain tasks I have to, as a point of wanting to rest and have a time for myself and wanting to have energy within me as a point of wanting to be directed by energy instead of standing up, and do not accept and allow the energy as tiredness to move me and direct me and my world, my speech and my life.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to became addicted on energy and thus require always experience some energy, and even when this energy is not experienced by any means and any point here, thus create the energy as tiredness to have a point of abdicating my self responsibility and responsibility for my life and my world and not having to direct myself, to move myself but rather submit myself into and as mind as energy to move me and direct me.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself the existence of energy as tiredness to exist within and as me as a point of separation from energy to have a platform for experiencing this energy in believing that this experience is real experience of me as myself as who I am, instead of seeing and realizing that always I accept and allow to the experience of energy in separation from myself, thus I am supporting the separation within and as the world in me and outside of me, that I am supporting the existence of tiredness as energy movement and direction of energy, that within this I am supporting the abdication of one’s life and taking responsibility for one’s life, instead of taking self responsibility, to stand up within and as me as who I am here as breath, to stand up and show as a living example of living word that it is possible to stand up and take self responsibility for life and oneself within this world, to direct myself without energy requirements and not accepting and allowing to be directed by energy.

Thanks, Juraj

The words are innocent

                Today I was on conference call with my French co-worker and several folks from customer side.  Call was from certain perspective hard and long as lot of issues we talked about, and at the end they switched to French language for a while to have better communication as it is their native language.

                I do not understand in French a word, so I was just silently listening, as I was hearing the words I realized interesting point.

                As I had no clue what they speaks, It was for me just words, those words couldn’t cause within me any reaction, judgment, thought, or likeness or dislikes, nor perception of positive or negative words, also I couldn’t make any idea or believe about their speech.

                As I have nothing programmed within me in relation to sounds/words spoken in French I realized how perfect the programming of humans is just through words/sounds.

                The judgments or perceptions of the words, not seeing what the word is by itself, what the word really means, but what one thought what this or that word is according own programming and own judgment of the words.

                I faced many times, when people said to me, that this or that word is negative, or wrong, or ugly.  And many times I explained that simply such a word do not exists. There is no ugly word in this existence, and there is no wrong or negative, it is just word, and the word has some meaning and the word stand for something. That’s all.

                And you know what? You like to fuck, so why you judge the word FUCK as ugly? And you like to shit, cause when you have to thus you have to, and why the fuck you judge the word shit as wrong? Is wrong when you shit? And it is ugly when you fuck? It is bad when you fuck? Wake up.

And the word fuck have many meanings and stand for various different explanations within context spoken, so this word is just a word, like apple, like orange, like stand or sit.

                This is the same with positive or negative perception of the words.

                So maybe you will realize that if you judge some word, it is you who is wrong, not the word. The words are innocent.

Thanks, Juraj