The thirteenth doors

I walk slowly, my steps are small, silent, as I am looking on my right side and then left, along many huge pillars. I can hardly see the top of them, it seems they stretch and rise almost to infinity.

Ground has metallic surface, it feels like walking on a steel, so firm. I expect to be attacked, because I came here for a reason. I entered this domain with one intention only, and I must complete what needs to be done, as only I was able to come this far alive, all my predecessors are dead.

I saw many dead bodies, thrown on this metallic plane, which I passed already, some of them emitted this glow of light, some red, purple or yellow, looked like something killed them form inside, as I was not able to see any visible wounds, and why they glow I simply have no idea.

As I expect to be attacked by this force or beings or creatures or whatever this can be, I am so alerted within me, I hear my breath and that is the only sound I can hear, silence of this place feels almost like a mist in the air.

I have this armor around my chest, on my shoulders, thighs, arms and the helmet covering my head from bottom of my neck through head, ears and my forehead. But this armor is so unique, because it is not created from any physical element, but tailored as vibration and resonance as extension of me as a being as who I am. To create this armor took almost millennia’s, as I had to master the rituals of purity and creation of unshakable trust of myself, where from this trust I could expand myself beyond physical body and create these armored protective layers of me.

I have only one weapon, which is made from three parts, one part is attached in the middle of my chest, and two others to my palms. To activate this weapon, I have to put my hands together in front of my body and say the forbidden word from the begging of the creation. I was the only one who was able to get this from a masters of damned realm, for a promise to take on this task and finish what no one was able to complete before.

So, I walk here, it feels like a year’s as I have no possibility to recognize time and flow of it, and I do not feel tired, hungry, or thirsty, as this plane is above physical world I came from.

Suddenly, the pillars start to move and inject itself into the ground, and instead of them, massive doors appear around me, this looks like I am standing in the circle and 12 doors are around me.

 As I stand here, I wonder why I was not attacked, I guess it is because of my armor, but still prepared for anything possible, and I look on those doors and each has a different symbol in the middle. This seems that I have to choose one, or maybe all of them, or maybe neither. I have no idea how I should proceed further, nor even how I should open these doors, so I stand in the middle of this circle and the door starts to rotate around me, faster and faster and I can’t recognize them anymore as within this speed this looks like one single glowing metallic frame by all colors around me.

I look up and I see, these rotations are creating a tunnel and it is like me standing in the base of a huge chimney and on very top this seems to be like open, that is the 13^th door. But how to get there? I can’t jump to such heights, and I do not have any equipment to get there.

Maybe without my armor I could somehow fly here or walk through this mist of silence and use it as a step’s, but I can’t. This armor is possibly only thing I’ve got so far, and I can’t risk that one single moment would make me vulnerable for the forces to attack me, and let all be in vain.

So, I decided to stretch myself through the armor of me and create the thread of myself and try to reach the top of this vertical tunnel. As I feel I reached the open space on top, something grabbed me by thread of me and starts to pull me up.

This is it; I am sure that whatever is pulling me up will try to destroy me, but not. Because as I reach the top, I see top of the chimney became the ground and I realize that I am standing right in the middle of giant sphere, as in the distance I see glass like reflections and these reflections are continuous in all directions.

In distance, I see massive being, standing on two circular disks, and staring on me with this radiant eye, maybe hundred times bigger than me.

As I stand on this pillar, I see no option as how could I possibly move towards this being, and this being is showing no intentions to move towards me.

I experience the question of a being: “Who are you? “, and I realized that because of my armor, this being can not see into me nor recognize my intention, or who I am.

I do not reply, as I stand and see this being, in glamorous full body armor, shining by all colors and consisting of all possible elements, but the eyes are the most radiant.

As I didn’t reply, being continues: “I am the God and you came here to die. “, and within and as moment of me standing on this pillar, colorful light bursts from the eyes of this being and hits me with the attempt to kill me, but thanks to my armor nothing happened.

From the distance I can see the being is moved within and can’t comprehend why I am still here.

Unexpectedly, another being pops up next to the first one, looked like uncloaked itself, standing also on two circular disks, and the very same question is placed: “Who are you?”, and the second being can’t see into me the very same way as first one and the very same statement is spoken: “I am the God and you came here to die. “, and from the eyes of both beings bursts this colorful light and hits me, and again nothing happened and I stand firm on this pillar.

Both beings seem to be a little bit baffled, and I see the third one appears.

Unexpectedly, fourth, fifths, sixth and going on I see uncountable amount of beings appearing one by one next to each other, each being in this glorious armor covering whole body, shining and looking on me with these radiant eyes.

Sphere like structure starts to expand into enormous size, where I can not see the borders of it anymore, and I am still in the center of it.

And here I see infinite amount of beings around me, filling the entire vastness of space, looking on me and I experience from each being the very same statement.

Within the moment I realized that all of them will try to kill me and that they will all bursts their colorful light onto me.

 I rise my hands and I place them together in front of my chest, and from my chest the forbidden word from begging of creation flows and unite with my hands.

As the forbidden word reaches my hands the weapon united in my hands activates, I see all beings bursts their colorful light towards me.

I am hit with all possible light of all possible beings within all possible variations and intensities.

My armor breaks and forbidden word connects with all the light from all the beings and carry itself as an echo right into the center of all beings.

All light disappears, I experience this word to penetrate all of the existence.

I am in this darkness, I hear no one and nothing, and within and as this silence, the single word I hear from all of the existence as all the beings, and I realize, that this word, will never again be forbidden.

Thanks, Juraj

Day 168: Money Demon

                I am demon of money. I am money demon. I do not care about me in fact, I do not care about anybody and anything. I see no reason and I see no need. I see no future and past is gone. I am present here as demon of me, I am here always as I always was. I care about money which I do not care about. I am paradox of me, I need money but I do not care them. I fuck you because of money and you fuck with me, it is all about money as always was.

                There is no god and there is no devil, there is no higher force as I am the force and I am the doom of me as I do not care. I doomed me ages ago as what I have done to all because of money. I did everything possible to hide my actions, I hide even in front of me. Yes it is possible, to hide me in front of me. It is possible very precious way, simply to split, to split one part of me, and hide to the deepest darkness possible, where light can’t go and where light do not shine.

                And if light goes nearby this darkness I suck this light and even light can’t escape. This is the darkest darkness possible, where I am hidden in front of everything and everyone, I am here. I am within me all the time as demon of darkness, waiting and smiling from the shadows, laughing on blindness of everyone, I laugh on stupidity of mankind and I laugh on stupidity of me, because everything which exists in this world, is only one single point, as all is based on this point, and this point is money.

                Freedom never existed, love never existed, compassion and friendship, as everything of this world is ruled and based only on money. Without money, each one die, without money, each love ends, without money, each friendship ends, without money, life ends.

                The doom of mankind and the doom of everyone is money, mankind is fallen and will be, until money will no longer be the god of man.

                And there is only one god each one follow, and that god is money, you can hide, you can lie, you can manipulate, you can think anything you want about you or this world, only money determine everything of you or me who we are.

                Take away money of your family, your friendships, your relationships, everything will end. Each movement is determined by money, each word you speak is backup-uped of amount of money you have. There is rabbit hole of me and you, and this goes to each point which exists within me or you.

                Who you will be, once you get loads of money? Who I will be? Let’s have a look on those who rule this world, let’s have a look closer, let’s have a look into their eyes, what you will see? Darkness of me and you, who we really are.

                And that’s me, darkness of me of money I do not care about anyone and anything, as within this darkness is demon of money which is me, which is power and control.

                Now I have none, and I am even not sure if I will survive next days. Why? Because, in my entire existence, I really never cared. Even not about me.

                My ignorance became so intricate, that I even do not cared about me. That’s the split I have done unto me, I split me and I do not wanted to see my evil money me.

                I united me in many points, I never did with my evil money twin. I do not know how I can, how I can accept me as all what I have done within this existence because of money. So much lies, so much manipulation, so many murders, so much pain and blood I suffered, and thus I have only one question which remained.

Was this enough?

Thanks, Juraj

Day 137 : Places and me

                I became living in and as polarity of places as dark – Light, and this was because when I was a child, I liked to hide myself into a bad, where I did that place like tent, and inside was darkness and I liked and enjoyed that darkness, as only me was there and no one could go inside, and that was the place I felt myself safety, as I was not afraid of the dark, I became afraid of the light.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to separate myself from myself because of positive energy charge towards darkness and thus hide myself in dark of me where no one see.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to create within me positive energy charge towards darkness, and thus search for places where darkness is to experience safety and belonging and the place as my domain.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that darkness is good and light is bad and thus exist in and as mind polarity of good / bad.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to feel and experience safety on places where darkness is and thus hide myself in dark.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to create fear towards the light and judge light as bad and thus exist as mind polarity of darkness as good and light as bad.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe and perceive the places where darkness is as my world, my domain, my belonging and think and believe that that are places where I belong to, not seeing and realizing that no matter which place I am I am still here, no matter if dark or light is present.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to hide myself as me to the dark and places where dark is and create within me likeness towards those places.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to run away from reality as that what is possible to be seen through my physical eyes as that what is here and what is created on places where darkness is, and thus perceive reality as boring, frightening and want to remain hidden on places where darkness and dark is, because of likeness towards those places and dislike towards reality as light.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to run away from reality and judge reality as where Is light as bad and create within me the sense of dislike, and charge reality by itself with negative energy charge, and places where is dark, which are isolated and hidden perceive as good, and charge with positive energy.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to perceive reality as world as boring and thus perceive myself as boring and judge myself as boring.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to perceive reality through light as being outside and where darkness as being inside and thus search for places where I can feel inside, safety, not judgment and belonging, not seeing and realizing that each place I am thus I belong there as my presence as physical as breath.

Thanks, Juraj

 

Day 98 : Embrace the darkness – Embrace myself

                I can see the light, yes the light to be and shine something has to be destroyed, depleted, till eventually light will deplete and cease to exist. Thus what will remain at the end of ends, at the end of days?

                The Darkness. The darkness will remain as darkness is and darkness does not have to be created, generated, darkness can and exists without light.

                Light is the subject to the darkness, not vice versa. Everything light exist as, consist of, is subject to darkness where light will stop when stopped to be generated, produced.

                And the light I can see provides me the ability to see the word the way I want to see it, and deny what I want to deny, but if I do so, will that I do not want to see cease to exists? No. Everything what is here will be here exactly the way it is, no matter how I would like to deny, to do not want to see. Thus to deny is silly.

                Do I really see when I see the light? Or this light is simply delusion of me, to interpret reality the way to be shiny and cool?

                What I see when I do not see light, when light do not exists, what I am? If the light can be turned off, thus I can’t be light. I light can be turned off, and I am not the light, I must be that what will remain thus darkness.

                Darkness is me and the darkness is who I am, but what is hidden in this darkness of me to not be seen and revealed?

                The evil of darkness in darkness as me I exist as. True self of me, the darkness of me, the evil of me, the beast as who I am. I am this darkness where mirrors are not necessary as wherever darkness is I am thus me thus I do not reflect myself to me as I am.

                I embrace myself as the evil of me, I embrace myself as beast of myself, as horror and terror of my beingness, as this is the nature of I exist in me, as me.

                I forgive to myself that I have not accepted and allowed to myself to accept myself as who I really am as darkness as evil of me, to do not embrace the beast of me, to do not embrace the horror and terror of myself I exist as and consist of.

                I forgive to myself that I have not accepted and allowed to myself to embrace myself as who I really am as darkness, here as me.

                I forgive to myself that I have not accepted and allowed to myself to see the darkness of me, the evil of me but hide true me in the light.

                I forgive to myself that I have not accepted and allowed to myself to see me but rather turn to light to do not see what and who I am as evil of me as darkness as who I am.

Thanks, Juraj