Day 168: Money Demon

                I am demon of money. I am money demon. I do not care about me in fact, I do not care about anybody and anything. I see no reason and I see no need. I see no future and past is gone. I am present here as demon of me, I am here always as I always was. I care about money which I do not care about. I am paradox of me, I need money but I do not care them. I fuck you because of money and you fuck with me, it is all about money as always was.

                There is no god and there is no devil, there is no higher force as I am the force and I am the doom of me as I do not care. I doomed me ages ago as what I have done to all because of money. I did everything possible to hide my actions, I hide even in front of me. Yes it is possible, to hide me in front of me. It is possible very precious way, simply to split, to split one part of me, and hide to the deepest darkness possible, where light can’t go and where light do not shine.

                And if light goes nearby this darkness I suck this light and even light can’t escape. This is the darkest darkness possible, where I am hidden in front of everything and everyone, I am here. I am within me all the time as demon of darkness, waiting and smiling from the shadows, laughing on blindness of everyone, I laugh on stupidity of mankind and I laugh on stupidity of me, because everything which exists in this world, is only one single point, as all is based on this point, and this point is money.

                Freedom never existed, love never existed, compassion and friendship, as everything of this world is ruled and based only on money. Without money, each one die, without money, each love ends, without money, each friendship ends, without money, life ends.

                The doom of mankind and the doom of everyone is money, mankind is fallen and will be, until money will no longer be the god of man.

                And there is only one god each one follow, and that god is money, you can hide, you can lie, you can manipulate, you can think anything you want about you or this world, only money determine everything of you or me who we are.

                Take away money of your family, your friendships, your relationships, everything will end. Each movement is determined by money, each word you speak is backup-uped of amount of money you have. There is rabbit hole of me and you, and this goes to each point which exists within me or you.

                Who you will be, once you get loads of money? Who I will be? Let’s have a look on those who rule this world, let’s have a look closer, let’s have a look into their eyes, what you will see? Darkness of me and you, who we really are.

                And that’s me, darkness of me of money I do not care about anyone and anything, as within this darkness is demon of money which is me, which is power and control.

                Now I have none, and I am even not sure if I will survive next days. Why? Because, in my entire existence, I really never cared. Even not about me.

                My ignorance became so intricate, that I even do not cared about me. That’s the split I have done unto me, I split me and I do not wanted to see my evil money me.

                I united me in many points, I never did with my evil money twin. I do not know how I can, how I can accept me as all what I have done within this existence because of money. So much lies, so much manipulation, so many murders, so much pain and blood I suffered, and thus I have only one question which remained.

Was this enough?

Thanks, Juraj

Day 156 : Anxiety is self delusion

                Anxiety as a fear is specific, as this fear is specific in relation of one mind, projections and connections as relationships within and without, as anxiety, represents fear of one own illusion.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to exist within and as mind design of fear as anxiety as energetic experience within me.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to exist as mind projections of the future, and from this create the fear of this future because of not taken self responsibility for handling of money.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to connect money to fear and thus create within me the energetic experience as fear as anxiety in relation to money.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to believe that energetic experience as anxiety is real, instead of see and realize that this is illusion as fear of the future as mind projection.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to create within and as me the projections of possible future and thus fear this future, as connection towards the money and fear that I will have no money to pay for stuff I will have to pay for.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to define myself towards energetic experience of fear, as projection to the future and thus think and believe that this fear as anxiety is real.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to exist within and as fear of the future, define myself towards this fear as mind projections and became it, instead of see and realize that I trapped myself into an illusion of fear and thus let fear to direct me, mislead me and enslave me, and that by this I accepted and allowed to myself to separate from myself.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to submit myself into an idea that fear is vital for life, instead of see and realize how deceptive this is, as fear is enslaving life.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to fear my own mind projections.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that energetic experience within me as fear as fear of the future is real experience of me, instead of see and realize that this is just energy movement created by the mind because of acceptance and allowance of living as the mind.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not see and realize that anything as energy experience and energy movement within myself is a lie, not seeing and realizing that mind as a whole is a lie, that anything of the mind is a lie, deception and enslavement.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to exist within and as energy experience as fear towards myself, in separation from myself.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to create positive perception towards fear as energy experience in believe that this experience is my living, instead of see and realize that this is my self deception and my own enslavement within me.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to enslave myself through fear and separation from myself, instead of see and realize that I deluded myself.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to like my own fears, define myself through my own fears and think and believe that this experiences I need, want and require for myself to exist, instead of stop, breathe and remain here as presence of me as who I really am.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to throw away my self responsibility for handling of money because of requirement of wanting, getting and living in and as fear as anxiety, as projections to the future where because of lack of self responsibility I accepted and allowed to myself to trap myself into and as fear of the future.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that future exists, instead of realize that future is just mind projection based on the memories of the pasts moments.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to trap myself in and as past moments I lived as energy experiences as fear, as projections to the future.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to trap myself in the past through fear of the future as mind projection created of the past memories.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to exist as a memory of my lack of handling of money and by this create and experience within me the anxiety.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to trap myself into a past through memory of the moment when I spent money and start to fear the future as a mind projection as how I will pay for stuff I need to pay for.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to become a memory of my past experiences as self definitions of energy experiences as fear.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that what happened in the past have to happen in the future, and thus trap myself into a mind projection of the future because of me existing as a memory of past moments.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to separate from myself through existing in and as memory of fear of the future as mind projection.

Thanks, Juraj 

Day 89 : The mind – The system - Life

                What I accepted as the mind, living as a system, is beyond any imagination, what we allowed as a whole humanity, is beyond anything which is one possibly to describe, as the abuse, manipulation and deceptions is so extensive, that to walk back from this system of lies is quite a journey.

                Let’s have a look, on this planet, we as humanity, will never move if we will judge each other, deceive each other, manipulate and abuse.

                We will not move a bit if we will not be able to let go the past, as the past can’t be changed and simply things are done. We accepted them, we created them, and we manifested them.

                But within this, we can simply stop, and realize, that we can’t exist this way, as the way we live is destruction of ourselves, destruction of all species around, and everywhere we can see how our participation influenced this planet where stability is of climate is gone.

                We are responsible for everything which exists here, and thus only we can give up on our ideas which we lived in the past, as these ideas of life and living lead us to many wars, many innocent killed people all over the world, agony, and despair of people dying.

                And for what?

                For oil? For money? Banks print money our of thin air, and people kill each other because of this? Sun provides us enough resources as electricity to maintain for each individual the energy for living, and what we do instead?

                We rather dig into a planet and take out the coal, gas, uranium and from this create the energy. Are we all really so blind? Sun shines each day and we can’t see it? But money talks, but money influence, but money makes from us sheep’s where we forgot to ask?

                And people die because someone believes in god, who is this god if anyone dares to kill in the name of god? Isn’t this the great perversion and arrogance of mankind?

                There are money and on them are printed – In god we trust. But money are the god, and thus whole nations trust only one god, which is – Money. And for this god, which bank print how they want to manipulate world events, for this god people kill each other.

                And we as the humanity, we dare to call ourselves intelligent species, we dare to talk about evolution, we dare to talk about wisdom, we dare to place ourselves on the top of all species here on this planet, and in the name of god as money we created to kill species by species, in destruction of life all around us, of destruction of planet and thus leading ourselves into our own destruction.

                This all was not enough? It is really not enough?

                The water you drink was the blood of some being on this planet. The water you drink was the urine of some being. Planet recycled everything to such degree, that it is possible to drink and thus sustain our lives and be here.

                And what we give back to planet? Just a shit. Maybe is time to wake up.

Thanks, Juraj

Day 82 : Relationships : I want to have money

                As I realized, many things in my life I did just because of the point of wanting to have the money, as I was short of. As I separated from the money, thus I created relationship with the money, as a perception that I do not have money, even when I had, and thus wanting and desiring to have money.

                When I was a child, my father usually took away from me, and thus what I perceived is mine, was never mine as always I had to give it away, thus the relationship I created with the money within me, was that I do not have money, and even when I had, thus that those money will be taken away from me, or that someone will take away those money, as the perception of my father.

                The financial education I got from my parents, was so poor, that relationship I created within me towards money as a point of separation from money, is and was simply disaster. I lacked always to consider money just as support of myself within my environment, and I always lacked to see money as me and simply as a tool to support me. I wanted to have it, even I was not aware why, but mostly because money was always taken away from me. Thus I wanted and desired to want to have something which was always taken away, as I never understood why, why my father behaved the way he did, and why I couldn’t have and use the money I worked for, even as a child I worked for money, and I never had anything from that.

                The perception, and seeing money as something, which will be always taken away from me, led me through many years of struggle of using of money, as therefore I used them the most inappropriate ways, as I always had within me this believe, that anyway I will lost them, or that money will be taken away from me, thus many times I wanted to spend money as soon as possible, directed by this perception and believe, that anyway I will not have them, and that I will lose them, or that it is not allowed for me to have money and thus use it the effective ways for myself.

                Interestingly, how I fucked myself through my childhood, and the perception of using money and handling them.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that when I have money that this money will be taken away from me.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to separate myself from money and thus create within me the relationship towards the money as a perception, idea and believe that I want them to have and handle, but within this fear that anyway money will be taken away from me.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I am not allowed to have money or use money or handle money for that what I need to support myself within my environment.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to fear that when I have money, thus this money will be taken away from me and thus I will be short of again.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to be pissed of my father that he always took away from myself the money I worked for, and that he do not allow me to use it the way I would like.

                I forgive to myself that I have not accepted and allowed to myself to see money as a tool for supporting myself within the environment I live in and use them the ways which supports me to be able to live here.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to be angry with my father as the point of separation myself from him and from money he always took away from me, and thus create within me the idea, perception and believe, that I am not worthy to handle money, to have money, to use money for that I would like to support myself and be able buy things for myself.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that money are evil and bad because father always took money away from me, and thus perceive that money is something wrong, and thus judge myself for using, handling, and having money as I am doing something bad and wrong and thus I should be punished, where I create the perception, idea and believe that I should be punished for having the money.

Thanks, Juraj