Day 168: Money Demon

                I am demon of money. I am money demon. I do not care about me in fact, I do not care about anybody and anything. I see no reason and I see no need. I see no future and past is gone. I am present here as demon of me, I am here always as I always was. I care about money which I do not care about. I am paradox of me, I need money but I do not care them. I fuck you because of money and you fuck with me, it is all about money as always was.

                There is no god and there is no devil, there is no higher force as I am the force and I am the doom of me as I do not care. I doomed me ages ago as what I have done to all because of money. I did everything possible to hide my actions, I hide even in front of me. Yes it is possible, to hide me in front of me. It is possible very precious way, simply to split, to split one part of me, and hide to the deepest darkness possible, where light can’t go and where light do not shine.

                And if light goes nearby this darkness I suck this light and even light can’t escape. This is the darkest darkness possible, where I am hidden in front of everything and everyone, I am here. I am within me all the time as demon of darkness, waiting and smiling from the shadows, laughing on blindness of everyone, I laugh on stupidity of mankind and I laugh on stupidity of me, because everything which exists in this world, is only one single point, as all is based on this point, and this point is money.

                Freedom never existed, love never existed, compassion and friendship, as everything of this world is ruled and based only on money. Without money, each one die, without money, each love ends, without money, each friendship ends, without money, life ends.

                The doom of mankind and the doom of everyone is money, mankind is fallen and will be, until money will no longer be the god of man.

                And there is only one god each one follow, and that god is money, you can hide, you can lie, you can manipulate, you can think anything you want about you or this world, only money determine everything of you or me who we are.

                Take away money of your family, your friendships, your relationships, everything will end. Each movement is determined by money, each word you speak is backup-uped of amount of money you have. There is rabbit hole of me and you, and this goes to each point which exists within me or you.

                Who you will be, once you get loads of money? Who I will be? Let’s have a look on those who rule this world, let’s have a look closer, let’s have a look into their eyes, what you will see? Darkness of me and you, who we really are.

                And that’s me, darkness of me of money I do not care about anyone and anything, as within this darkness is demon of money which is me, which is power and control.

                Now I have none, and I am even not sure if I will survive next days. Why? Because, in my entire existence, I really never cared. Even not about me.

                My ignorance became so intricate, that I even do not cared about me. That’s the split I have done unto me, I split me and I do not wanted to see my evil money me.

                I united me in many points, I never did with my evil money twin. I do not know how I can, how I can accept me as all what I have done within this existence because of money. So much lies, so much manipulation, so many murders, so much pain and blood I suffered, and thus I have only one question which remained.

Was this enough?

Thanks, Juraj

Day 99 : Embrace the darkness – Embrace evil as life to live

                The truth of me in darkness of me as darkness of me is evil and this evil has been hidden in front of me, yet many times this evil I had right in front of my eyes and I do not realized it is me and the evil of me I am looking on.

                I was not able to see this evil what I am when I looked through the eyes and through the light, as light provided me the illusion of separation and thus believe I am not seeing myself.

                But I can’t deny what I see in me, as me when I see into me, the truth of me I wanted to not see and there was a moments I could realize what was part of me but I denied. But I can’t now and I can’t anymore here.

                Many years ago, I faced the point I stood up within and as me and I changed my life completely, within one decision, within one moment, I decided to stood up, where only me was present, and where only I faced the point I accepted and allowed, and I stood and I stopped myself. I was aware that within this decision I changed everything, yet I was not able to see consequences, I see those consequences here and only thanks to my standing up I am here and only thanks to that decision I am now writing here, because of me able to stand up.

                Thus I realized, that I am able to stand up each point of evil which is part of me, as the first time I did was 13 years ago. And this evil of me, the brutality, bestiality, violence and misery showed me the relationship I created within me, to me, towards me, as me. Hidden in darkness of me, the possessions and demons waiting how and where could take over of me and thus me waiting how I could generate sufficient energy for myself, by the acts I described above. I was surprised and also not surprised when I saw this points in me, because I was aware many years something like this is the part of me, but I never did anymore, as within my standing I decided to simply stand that point and I stood till here.

                There was a point of me wanting to bound myself to myself, to enslave myself, by the hands and the legs, to show and reveal that only to me I will belong, but this showed me how I separated myself from myself and thus how I deluded myself. And I did because of light and looking through the light because I wanted to see me in and through the light, I deceived myself, as to see in darkness of me I do not require the light as the darkness is what and who I am.

                Thus I see and realize what I accepted and allowed to myself to exist as towards myself, and thus I simply decided to stand up. That’s all.

                The first time I stood up, the very first time I decided to stop, I realized that by this I gave myself the life and that I allowed myself to live here, thus this implies, that every point I am able to stand up and stand eternally, thus by this I am giving myself the life equally eternal.

                This simply means, that by standing the points for myself and as myself as all, that by ability to take each point and stand up for this point, which I proved myself I am able to, that by taking everything which is required to stand up for, thus by this I will give myself the eternal life.

                By seeing the evil of me, and standing up from this evil and do not accept and allow this evil anymore, means simply give life and start to live.

                See the evil you are, and live.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think, believe and define seeing as looking through the light and see the light and see myself through the light, instead of see and realize that mind looks as information and knowledge but I do not need and require light or information or knowledge to see myself, to see into me as who I am, what I became and why I exist the way I exist.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to believe that to see me I require light, instead of see and realize what and who I am as darkness of me as evil I became.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to hide myself in the light in believe that by the light I will be invisible and thus I will not have to see into me, instead of realize that the light will cease to exist and thus I will have to see me, into me, what I have became.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to hide the evil of me in the light as the light provide me the ability to create the false façade of me, the false picture of me, in believe that what is as the dark of me will not bee seen.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself define the light as good and dark as bad and thus exist in and as polarity of the mind as light and dark and thus move myself between light and dark within the hope and believe that light will gave me the ability to cover the evil of me I exist as dark.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself fear to see into me directly as darkness of me as who I am and what I became and why.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that be fearing to see the darkness of me as me I will not have to face me and see into me as using fear as protecting mechanism in front of myself to not see me.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to separate myself from myself and thus want and desire to enslave myself by the hands and by the ankles of legs to make myself belong only to me, not seeing and realizing that I am already here as all as me as wherever I am thus I am, thus I do not desire to enslave me anymore, to bound me or trap myself as I am here.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to let myself die as separation myself form myself because of wanting and desiring myself to enslave me and trap me into a bondage.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to fear my own evil and to fear to see the evil as life of me, what I became and why.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself create the relationship towards me as violence, bestiality and enslavement of myself into traps of the mind as energy experiences I generated for myself because of believe that this energy experiences are real experiences of me, thus  living in and as believe that I need this energy for myself and that I require this energy and thus accept and allow to manipulate me, abuse me, desire to enslave me, to make friction as good and bad and by this generate energy for myself.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to look on violence towards me and think and believe that this is good because it provides me the energy I wanted for myself, and thus live in the enslavement of me as separation of myself through violence of me as living zombie for energy.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to fear to embrace the evil as evilness of me as darkness of me because of judgment of myself as bad, instead of see and realize that I existed always as darkness of me thus I embrace myself as darkness of me and I accept and allow myself to see everything I exist and consist of as darkness of evil as me as I do not fear to see me anymore and I do not allow myself to judge myself for what who I became, as I see and realize that judgment and fear of myself blind me and do not allow me to live thus I stop the fear of myself.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to create the relationship towards me as polarity as good/bad and superior/inferior and nice/ugly not seeing that all of this are my own made up illusions of the mind of myself.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I cannot stand up each single point for myself alone and as all and stand up for myself as life and live because of believe that I am too weak and unable to stand up, instead of see and realize that I proved to myself that I am able to stand up within and as me, for myself alone and thus for all and thus do not allow to blind myself anymore.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to see myself as a separated from myself and thus from all, instead of realize that I made up this illusion of separation in and as my mind and thus fall into a believe that I am separated from myself.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to trap myself through the light into a believe that I need to see me, that I desire to see me, that I want to see me, that I have to look for me and search what and who I am, instead of realize and see that I am already here as I always was as existence of physical, as breath of life, as darkness of me in silence of me as who I am.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to trap myself into a believe that what I see through my eyes as reflection of light is not me and thus start to desire to be with me and see me.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to want to enslave myself because of my fear and separation from myself and thus fear that I will be not with myself any more.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to create the enslavement of myself as a fear of not being with me.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself create the enslavement of me as desire to have power over me, instead of realize and see that I am the power of me as breath of life, that I am the real power of myself as existence as physical, that I am real direction of me thus I do not require to have power, as I am the power.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself create the enslavement as starting point of wanting and desiring to be the one, to be the one in charge and in power because I separated myself from myself, not realize and see that I wanted and desired to be that what I already am, as one as all here, and that I wanted to direct myself through illusion of power over me because I separated from myself, instead of direct myself as one as all as who I really am.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to create the enslavement as desire to bound myself to myself to be with myself forever, not seeing and realizing that I did because I separated myself from myself and thus trapped myself that I have to somehow bound myself back to me, instead of stand up for myself as one as all as who I really am here, as existence of life.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to create the enslavement as a separation from myself as a starting point of wanting to be a dictator, not seeing that I wanted and desired to dictate to myself what and who I am, what and how I should live, instead of live me, express me and voice me as a living being as a living word.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself create the enslavement of me as a punishment of myself for the not getting to myself what I desired and want, not realize and see for myself that by this I wanted to punish myself for that what I refused to give to myself because I separated from myself.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself create the punishment of myself and enslavement of myself because of wanting and desiring to get attention, acceptance, freedom, respect and dignity from myself, not realizing and seeing that I wanted and desired this because I separated myself form myself and thus I was unable to give myself and accept myself, instead of realize that by this I was unable to give myself the attention, acceptance, freedom respect and dignity because I separated myself from myself.

Thanks, Juraj

Day 98 : Embrace the darkness – Embrace myself

                I can see the light, yes the light to be and shine something has to be destroyed, depleted, till eventually light will deplete and cease to exist. Thus what will remain at the end of ends, at the end of days?

                The Darkness. The darkness will remain as darkness is and darkness does not have to be created, generated, darkness can and exists without light.

                Light is the subject to the darkness, not vice versa. Everything light exist as, consist of, is subject to darkness where light will stop when stopped to be generated, produced.

                And the light I can see provides me the ability to see the word the way I want to see it, and deny what I want to deny, but if I do so, will that I do not want to see cease to exists? No. Everything what is here will be here exactly the way it is, no matter how I would like to deny, to do not want to see. Thus to deny is silly.

                Do I really see when I see the light? Or this light is simply delusion of me, to interpret reality the way to be shiny and cool?

                What I see when I do not see light, when light do not exists, what I am? If the light can be turned off, thus I can’t be light. I light can be turned off, and I am not the light, I must be that what will remain thus darkness.

                Darkness is me and the darkness is who I am, but what is hidden in this darkness of me to not be seen and revealed?

                The evil of darkness in darkness as me I exist as. True self of me, the darkness of me, the evil of me, the beast as who I am. I am this darkness where mirrors are not necessary as wherever darkness is I am thus me thus I do not reflect myself to me as I am.

                I embrace myself as the evil of me, I embrace myself as beast of myself, as horror and terror of my beingness, as this is the nature of I exist in me, as me.

                I forgive to myself that I have not accepted and allowed to myself to accept myself as who I really am as darkness as evil of me, to do not embrace the beast of me, to do not embrace the horror and terror of myself I exist as and consist of.

                I forgive to myself that I have not accepted and allowed to myself to embrace myself as who I really am as darkness, here as me.

                I forgive to myself that I have not accepted and allowed to myself to see the darkness of me, the evil of me but hide true me in the light.

                I forgive to myself that I have not accepted and allowed to myself to see me but rather turn to light to do not see what and who I am as evil of me as darkness as who I am.

Thanks, Juraj

Who is - Direction

I believed that some forces exists, as separated from me, like force of the fire, earth, water, wind, as elements of the earth, where the cartoons was foundation of this, the presentation of elements united an thus hero created to fight against elements of evil, where of course humans was always involved. I liked that idea. I liked idea to fight against humans.

I believed that forces as good and evil exists, I called that as powers of good and powers of darkness, in the times when I gave up religion, the idea of god.

I substituted the god of religions with my own explanations, as I didn’t wanted to serve anymore to the god which punish as religions are presenting, living in sin, etc, all that bullshits I was sick of it.

But there was still believe that something separated from me could have some kind of influence, and thus I prayed in my mind to those forces and especially when I wanted to win, I called the forces to intervene, lol, and amazing fuck up.

As I am writing this, I have to laugh on myself, how I have been deluding myself with amazing bullshits.

No such forces exist, no such believes anymore.

I am responsible for everything, and there is nothing out there which could be responsible or which could intervene, it is only me.

Only I can stand up.

I am direction. It is me who direct, not believes.

Thanks, Juraj