Day 39 : Love the fear

                I have been molded by creation of fear, I created that fear and I allowed this fear to mold me, to shape me, to define me, to imprison me.

                I created fear as I separated myself from myself, and the origin as me I perceived as something other as the second point I created.

                I forgot it was me who created this separation, I forgot it is me the second point I separated myself from.

                I created inequality through separation and fear, I forgot how I created it and I remain just as this prison of me as me standing alone and looking, observing, wondering how come things works how they works. I forgot myself as creator and I forgot my creation as the responsibility I wanted to shift on some other being thus God was handy one who could be blamed for, as what has been created is  

“ madness “.

                The madness I created and I didn’t want to look it was me who created it, the madness I observed I did not want to stand equal with, as I lost myself within my creation and lost the solution for myself and others as me.

                The reason for separation is simple, not wanting to take self responsibility and not wanting to stand up for myself and for others as me.

                Thus everything what remain is me and my fear.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to love my fear and define myself according fears I experience in believing that this fears are real as expression of me here, thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to think and believe that I am so week to break through my fears and that I can’t stand up through my fears and that I have to remain within the boundaries I created for myself as my fears to remain enslave and imprisoned and never realize who I am as life and never see who I am as life thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to fear to stand up for myself in all aspects of me equally and for others and wanting to stand alone from everything in existence as not wanting to take my self responsibility for that what I created and wanting and desiring to have someone who I could blame for this creation thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to created within me the idea of God as higher entity who should be blamed for as the all knowing being which loves all and that the wish and will of this being is directing my life and life of others through the saying – Gods roads are blind and erratic and thus allow to myself to fall into a following the ideas and believes about myself and world I live in I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to fear the entity as God as my idea of higher being which knows all and thus I do not have to take responsibility for that what I create thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to fear my idea about god in believing that I will be punished when I will not pray to this god and when I will not follow the written order of this god which has been presenting to me not seeing and realizing that it is just trap for myself to do not stand up for myself and blindly follow the system as my god thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to not see and realize that here is no such higher being who creates but it is me who creates through my participation in this world, through my words, my action, my movements, my thoughts, thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to not see and realize that each one word I speak have direct consequences on all existence as me and that each action I do have consequences on existence and each my thought has the same consequences thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not want to be responsible for myself as the creator as consequences I see are madness in this existence thus I do not want to take responsibility for this madness but rather remain separated from myself to have some point I could shift the responsibility and blame and thus make from myself more and good thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to not see and realize that everything what I created are consequences of inequality I lived through ego within and as my mind thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not want to take responsibility for the system of inequality I created and bring here equality of me as myself as living word and for others, where all being are treated and considered equally thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to fear myself because I fear to be equal with myself and stand up equally for all thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to fear equality of me as all parts of me which exists are considered equal and stand for them equal within principle of oneness and equality.

Thanks, Juraj 

Self forgiveness – why self?

                If I experience/experienced some judgment/emotion/thought/perception/sense/fear/etc, thus it means I created it. For whatever reason, for whatever point, it is me who created this experience, it is me who allowed and accepted this.

                People have tendency to misplace their own experiences and project and blame some external person/point for that what they experience. It is not so.

                If I fear something, it is me who is creating this experience and this fear, because for example:

As I was young I was bitten by wasp, and it hurts, I didn’t like that experience of pain, I was bitten also another time to my tongue, when I ate some fruit, and this experience of pain was really bad, and there was some another places in time and space when some wasp bite me. Each time I was aware that it is nothing crucial and I will be ok, but as this experience repeated over and over, I started to charge this experience as negative and connect to this small being “ not likeness “ and judge this being as bad or useless or and I started to create within me fear towards small being, called wasp.

And this being is many times smaller than me, and I can smash and kill this being and by curiosity, it is me who feared this and not the wasp. Wasp cannot do me anything at all, except of some experience of pain which will my body cure in few days. When I saw the wasp, the picture of this triggered automatic reaction in my body to run away, or to move out from the presence of the wasp. Strange, how irrational this is.

So, who was the one responsible for created fear? The small wasp which I see flying around, or me through my past experiences?  Obviously, it was me. Only me,  nothing else.

That’s why self – forgiveness, because each experience I/we have, I/we are responsible.

And self forgiveness, it is just tool, how to release oneself from accepted and allowed behavior, judgment, emotion, how to free self from the never ending cycles of imprisonment in judgments, fears, ups/downs, reactions, imagination, living in the past and in the future, to became the living being which live here, as life not bounded by anything.

Thanks, Juraj

Who is - Direction

I believed that some forces exists, as separated from me, like force of the fire, earth, water, wind, as elements of the earth, where the cartoons was foundation of this, the presentation of elements united an thus hero created to fight against elements of evil, where of course humans was always involved. I liked that idea. I liked idea to fight against humans.

I believed that forces as good and evil exists, I called that as powers of good and powers of darkness, in the times when I gave up religion, the idea of god.

I substituted the god of religions with my own explanations, as I didn’t wanted to serve anymore to the god which punish as religions are presenting, living in sin, etc, all that bullshits I was sick of it.

But there was still believe that something separated from me could have some kind of influence, and thus I prayed in my mind to those forces and especially when I wanted to win, I called the forces to intervene, lol, and amazing fuck up.

As I am writing this, I have to laugh on myself, how I have been deluding myself with amazing bullshits.

No such forces exist, no such believes anymore.

I am responsible for everything, and there is nothing out there which could be responsible or which could intervene, it is only me.

Only I can stand up.

I am direction. It is me who direct, not believes.

Thanks, Juraj

Hope dies as last

I used to hope, to hope that something will happen, believe to that, hoping that maybe possibly, this time it will go well.

My life, was based on such believe, that maybe possibly somehow, something will be delivered to me, because I hope.

But hope, is not real. It is self delusion, self limitation, self stuck in such believe. I have been taught to think that hope is the last what dies in someone, and that I need to hope, that I have to hope, because without it, nothing exists.

I do not hope anymore, with self responsibility, hope is not necessary, hope is irrelevant, hope is ridiculous, hope is fuck up.

I let the hope gone and I let hope die and I let die everything which is not real, which is not of the life, moment by moment, let die everything which I allowed to enslave me.

Thanks, Juraj