The accepted and allowed existence
of relationships within me, simply means that I accept and allow the separation
to exist, that I allow myself to live as EGO, where this I as EGO stand
separately from everything and just connect and refer to other points I
perceive and believe that are not me.
Why and how I accepted to myself
to separate myself, is the experiences I had during events which took place in
my life, in believe that those experiences are real, as I became living entity as
creation of relationships between points in my life.
The relationships I started to accept
and create and store within me have foundation in my family, where the father
and the mother were the building blogs for me to separate myself from them and
thus perceive them as more than me and thus follow their teachings. Therefore
the platform and the origin for myself for my EGO and living me just as a EGO,
was the father, mother, the relationship between them I saw and accepted, and then
the brothers and sister, were we was 5 brothers and 1 sister, and therefore behavior
between us as a males towards her as a female, the perception of her, the
acceptance of her as she was the oldest one and therefore perception of myself,
how I started to see myself in front of others, through my eyes.
The events I saw during
childhood, through my eyes, molded and shaped how I started to see myself, thus
first point is me seeing me inferior towards my parents, than me inferior
towards my sister and older brothers, and me equal to younger brothers as I never
perceived myself as more than them.
Thus basis for myself was simply
inferiority and relationships towards those which I saw superior because of the
point of authority as parents, the point of age where I perceived that because
of age and that someone is older than me thus this persona must be more clever,
wise, know more and thus I am less than.
The perception of myself to be
inferior towards girls comes from the point of looking upon my sister, and how
we as brothers behaved towards her, as we respected her as she was the oldest
one, the way how she behaved towards us, and also the sexuality and creation of
sexual energy and perception of this energy originate from my sister, as my
perception of female gender, how females behave, how they speak, how they move,
what they wear and that I played and spoke with brothers a bit differently than
with her, as I never fought with her, but with brothers yes. Therefore she was
the basic platform for myself how I created myself and my behavior towards
females, and the perception of females, and looking upon her, as she was the
only one as a girl within family, thus I copied this perception and believe
from this moments, and each time I date with a girl, I looked on that girl as
the only one and simply always the existence of other females has been denied as
the copied likeness towards my sister as a representation of female gender,
thus I acted this way towards girls I date with because of this copied likeness
and perception of only one and therefore my acting and speech towards as
inferior, looking upon a girl and perceived her as the only one, thus
relationships I always created within me this way.
The point of creation of sexual
energy, as starting point of experience of energy within me, comes indirectly
from my sister as well, as the toys she played with was different then me, and
once I played with her doll and this doll was a female and naked, I stretched the
legs of this toy during play and I experienced suddenly the energy within my
penis, I was about 6 years old, and it was for me something I never experienced
before, thus I started to like this energy, this sense in my penis and I started
to brush my body towards the bed as thus brushing intensified this feeling I experienced,
and the starting point as relationship between my body, my penis, the
perception of female body as a doll I can do with whatever I can, the
relationship of my body, bed and energy I experienced has been accepted,
allowed, stored within me, and thus believed that all this play out during this
moments was real experience of myself, of me and that it is real. Within this,
the platform for creation the sexual experiences and energies has been established
within me and everything what I accepted and allowed from this moments has been
just adding more and more dimensions of this one point as creation of sexual
energy within me, where to this point the variable other relationships has been
added, between me and females, as possibilities according projections, ideas
and fantasies, what I could do with the body of the female and how, to
intensify my feeling and experience as sexual energy, where to this building
platform was obviously the pictures seen through my eyes, and the pictures I saw
where I separated myself from the shapes of woman body, where I perceived woman
body as something else, where I saw through my eyes that woman body is a doll,
as I experienced this energy while playing with a doll, and thus this
perception remained within as I did not understand what really happened within
this moment.
My parents, taught me to believe
in god which they believed, they spoke to me about the sins and what god
perceive as sin, they showed me what I have do and how and that I have to
follow their order if I do not want to be punished and harmed. They showed me
their power which they had over me, they thought me the hierarchy within family
and that this family obeys to some god and the living and believing for god,
where my father was a bit fanatic in this.
They thought me to have
relationship to this god, and to this believe in god, and respect this idea of
god which they thought me as the highest order in my life to follow.
Thus relationships I accepted within
me, towards my parents, towards brothers and sister, and the god as idea within
my head and energies I experienced during that time from age of 3 till 7 was
good enough to prepare myself to start to live my life as a system, as a robot
which will follow, as a sheep which will submit the life into a illusionary
world completely and entirely detached from reality called mind. I say from 3
because I am not able to recall or remember anything before this age, just only
after the age or 3-4 years comes fragments of memories what I lived and what I accepted.
Thus this relationships which I accepted
for myself to live, was always based on mind polarities, as superior/inferior,
good/bad, nice/ugly but the acceptance of absolute platform of this polarities was
fear, fear as energy experience within me towards my parents if I will not submit
to their order.
Therefore, the relationships I accepted
to create within me, have foundation in fear, therefore it means everything I lived
in my life were just fear.
From the acceptance of my
relationship towards the energy experience within me as fear, the acceptance of
mind polarities has been born to be able to live, and from mind polarities as I
became already separated within family the derivatives as believes, ideas,
projections, insecurities, anxieties, wants, needs, desires – I start to accept
and live, in absolute delusion in front of myself and I started to call this
living the life, but by paradox constantly and continuously avoiding the very
fact of myself, that everything I accepted and allowed to create within me and
live, was the relationships created and based on fear.
The relationship towards my body
as physical has been created also on fear, as the teaching by parents was in
manner that human being sins with the body, that body parts are not equal, that
my body is not worthy as what is worthy is god, and that I have to hide some specific
parts of my body, never talk about it, and even never mention and the
explanation about energy experiences completely missed as my parents had
absolute no seeing into them what’s going on within them, thus obviously they
couldn’t teach me anything real or relevant, just only ideas about myself,
which I obviously copied.
Therefore, the relationships I created
and accepted within me, as towards my body, towards my mind, towards others,
towards environment, was completely and entirely based on one singular point –
Fear.
Therefore, the separation I accepted
and allowed myself to live as relationships between pictures and experiences of
energy attached to these pictures, and call my life is again completely and entirely
based on one point – Fear.
Therefore, Relationship is fear,
Separation is fear, where I forgot me as a origin, where I forgot what is me as
origin, where I forgot who I am as origin as life, equal and one with
everything and anything which exist, and what is real, therefore that what is
directly in front of my eyes and what I am in and within as physical, as
matter, as that what is here.
Thus because of fear and
separation as relationships I accepted within me, I forgot who I am as life,
equal and one with myself, with me, as who I am as matter.
I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself the
relationship as a separation myself from myself to exist and thus separate
myself as a point of referring and relating to the point I separated myself
from as a platform to have within me and my world the point of not having to
take responsibility for myself and my world, for existence as me and direct
myself as who I am here.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to separate myself from myself because of
experienced fear within and as me as a energy movement and believe that this
energy experience is real experience of me, instead of seeing and realizing that
through acceptance and allowance the fear as energy within me I am accepting
and allowing the separation from myself, that I am empowering my mind with
energy and supporting existence of the fear within and as me and in my world,
thus I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to give
power to my mind through separation and relationship created within and as me
towards the energy experience of fear in believe that this experience is real experience
of me.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to create within me the energetic relationship
towards my body because of experience of fear towards myself as point of
separation from, myself and thus my body as physical and accept and allow to be
directed by fear in separation from myself.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to create the relationship within me with my
father and my mother as energetic experience of fear towards them in separation
from them through fear of them, and thus accept and allow to speak with them,
behave in front of them, in fear and as expression of fear, instead of
realizing that because I accepted and allowed to separate myself from them thus
I experienced the fear as energetic experience of being punished, as a fear of
the future that when I will not behave accordingly of their teaching of me that
I will be harmed, punished, or pushed to live according that what they want
from myself to live and how, instead of seeing and realizing that they had no
ideas what they speak, why they speak and what they present and that they are innocent
in their behavior towards me in meaning that they lived just their believes and
tried to impose those believes on me and wanted from me to live those believes
as them.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to separate myself from myself and forgot who I am
as the origin as matter as life and thus create within me the relationship towards
me in separation from myself and deny and do not want to see who I really am as
life.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to separate myself from myself and live in
relationship towards myself and think and believe that because I separated from
myself thus I am not that what is here as physical.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to separate from myself and my physical body
through energetic experience of fear because of believe that this experience of
fear is real experience of me and thus forget who I am as physical, as my body,
who I am as that what exist as matter.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I am superior over the
matter because of believe that mind is more than matter, but seeing and
realizing that I am subject to matter and not matter to me thus became angry on
matter that I have no power over matter and that matter will not submit to my
will and my desires and my wishes and that I can’t have power over the matter
and thus became angry because of seeing that in fact I am less than matter
because I accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from matter through
fear as energy experience in believe that this is real, and thus deny the fact
that what is real is physical, as my body, as that what I can physically move
myself in and as in equality of me with me as physical and thus deny what is
real as physical but start to believe and turn into a illusion of mind as energetic
experiences within and as me I can experience through separation from myself
into and as mind as judgments, projections, ideas, believes, desires, wishes of
me, instead of drop the illusion as relationships I created within me as energy
movements because of accepted and allowed living of the mind, instead of
standing up for myself as my body, as physical and everything I consist of and
exist as in equality of myself, here, as breath of life as who I really am as
physical.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to forget who I am as physical because I accepted
and allowed to myself to separate from myself and thus forgot who I am as
physical and what is the real experience of the physical as me, in equality and
oneness of myself with my body as that what is constantly here, in and as the
breath of life as who I really am.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to forget who I am as life because of
projections, ideas, believes about life and what life could be, instead of
seeing and realizing that I am already life.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to separate myself from physical through ideas,
believes and projections what could be real, what is real, through believe in
energy experiences as experiences of me and thus deny the fact, that what is
real is always in front of my eyes, and that what is real has been always in
front of me, but because I separated from myself I was not able to see me, to
see who I am, to experience me here, to live me here, because I deny that what
was in front of me always, that I am seeing myself and that everything I can
see is always me.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to separate myself from myself through idea and believe
that something else must exist, instead of seeing and realizing that what exist
is me but because of fear from myself I forgot who I am here, I forgot that I see
always me, I forgot that I am equal and one always with that what I see.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to do not want to see me and who I am here as
physical, because of fear of me, because of fear who I really am here, because
of fear to see into me directly and instantaneously and thus I rather turned
into a illusions about me, into a ideas and believes that what I see couldn’t be
me.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to create the relationships between pictures I can
see through my physical eyes because this relationships provides me the
energetic experiences I became addicted into and thus exist and live as mind
design of relationships between pictures in separation from myself.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to live according mind design of relationships
between two and more points which I separated myself from and thus follow and
live the design of judgments of me because I accepted and allowed to myself the
separation to exist within and as me, instead of standing up and stop all
separation and stop all relationships I accepted and allowed within me to
create and thus stand up for me absolute, stand up and show who I am as life
here, to stand up who I am in equality and oneness with myself as the existence
as matter which exist here.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to want to hide in front of myself through idea
and believe that what I see couldn’t be me and thus deny that I always lived hidden
in front of myself in separation from myself.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to want to be separated from myself because this
separation provides me the energy I can get from this relationships I created
and accepted within me because I became addicted on energy experiences because
of believe that this experiences are real, and thus forgot what is real experience
of me as matter, as physical as that what is here in equality and oneness of
me, thus I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to
forgot what is equality of me, what it means to stand up for myself and for
others as one, what it means to stand up for life and for myself absolute and
do not accept and allow to be directed by illusions of the mind anymore.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I am too weak and to
powerless to stand up for myself because I separated myself from myself to such
degree that I forgot that real power is equality, that real power is to live me
as equal to me and honor me as life as that what is only value as physical.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to do not want to see what I accepted and
allowed to myself because of fear and idea and believe that I am too weak and
too powerless to stand up for myself in absolute no matter what, to stand up
and direct myself where no more bullshits are accepted and allowed, to stand up
for myself as who I am as physical in equality of me, instead of seeing and
realizing that through any idea, believe, judgment, energy experience thought, I
am giving power to my mind, to a system, to a program to direct my life,
instead of taking this power to me, to myself, to me as origin as who I am as
life, to me as origin as who I am as physical, to me as who I am as all and one
as origin of me as part of me which forgot the same way as me that we are the
one and equal to each other, that we all are the origin and that we all are
equal and one.
Thanks,
Juraj
