The origin of idea

I woke up today morning, but I stayed in the bed breathing, the dream started in my mind and I decided not to interact with anything, just to let it flow and see what happens. I was aware that it is a dream, I knew I can direct the flow of dream but wanted to let it flow.

                The girl has been sitting on my legs, I noticed that I am excited, interestingly not by her, not by any picture, we were both dressed. I was excited by the idea that she likes me, that she wants me, that she wants to touch me. This idea was so strong, that in the moment she unexpectedly touched my penis, the semen poured out, I felt nothing just only pouring the liquid out of my body and constrictions of the muscles which makes this possible. This in the dream.

               

                I realized, when I woke up, how my ideas shape reality around me, my perception is just only mine and have nothing to do with actual reality around me, if I allow any ideas, any believes, I am in the mind locked in self created reality. Then I walked backwards searching when I allowed this idea to influence me, when I created this and when I allowed it.

                I was walking in the office, looked on right side and there was sitting girl in front of computer, she looked on me and smiled, I smiled on her and continued walking towards my place. Here was the moment I allowed the idea of her, that she smiled on me because she probably liked me, this is fuck up.

The reason why she smiled could be anything, people used to smile because many variable reason, starting with fear, desires, manipulations, hiding, etc, so If I allow just only one point why others do something, I fucked up with me, because, literally, I never know why others do something, what is behind their smiles, their actions.

I have to be clear and stable each moment I am here, without any allowance of ideas nor creation of them within me, because otherwise, I will fuck up with me.

Thanks, Juraj