Self forgiveness

                Firstly I understood forgiveness from religion concept that something wrong had to happen and than it could be forgiven. If I do something wrong than I ask for forgiveness or I forgive to someone.

                But let’s have a look, if nothing wrong/bad exists and nothing good/right exists from polarity point of view, how than I could do something bad or judge myself as bad if it is just my perception, my judgment, and therefore my own created sense of sin or guilt ? And ask for forgiveness?

                How can I forgive someone else, if the behavior of others is based on their own judgments and has nothing to do with me?

                But if I look on this from perspective of self forgiveness, it is different. Bernard was/is/will be right about this point, that self forgiveness is procrastinated, avoided, laughed on, avoided, denied, etc.

                Because, self forgiveness has really nothing to do with any concept which humanity created, especially nothing with any religion.

                Firstly, I really didn’t understand at all why I should forgive to me anything, I thought I am fine. I was not. I started to use self forgiveness, I started to write, I started to speak, and mostly I experienced huge tiredness, immense that I was hardly able to hold myself awake or move the body or do anything, I simply had to rest. Effect of the mind, where through self forgiveness mind is “ hacked  “ .

                I mostly wrote the self forgiveness points and sometimes I spoke it, I see that to do it as combination - write it and then speak it is more effective.

                I went through the points Bernard mentioned in the book, mostly in my case it was procrastination with self forgiveness, avoiding it, or wanting to hold to some specific point and not to let it go, or not doing self forgiveness complete, or even abuse it, or condition my self forgiveness, or use it only on things within me which I didn’t liked and not on things I liked, or forgive only specific thoughts and some remained as part of me.

                Interesting if one comes to the point, to forgive oneself, and let it go as the past which is not here. Most effective I was in regards of my emotions, things which I judged within me and things which I really didn’t liked to experience as anxiety, fear, imagination, sexuality, perception of my body, thoughts and judgments, with breathing also, of course.

                Still I see, many more points will come, as I am aware which points within me I was not able to transcend and I am still holding into, also I am aware what I was able to change.

                I have to say, as I slowed down, how my daily experiences, moments, reactions, thoughts, etc, started to changing and stopping, I started to see differently people around me, my environment and firstly, I started to see differently me.

                Mainly, my experiences, the calmness which started to enter into my life, rush and energy is fading away, slowly and surely my inner peace started to enter into my life, and still, I am saying, I am far from the point where my inner peace will be wholeness as silence as me.

                Once I look on my life, this is the way which is really worth, self forgiveness is the way one can open the door for inner peace to enter into one’s life, to open the door for real self to stand and let go the fake personalities.

                In last period, I wrote lot of SF points, I didn’t publish it, why not? I thought to me that anyway no one is reading my SF, or no one is interested, or no one care, this point comes from my childhood when I experienced myself as alone where no one care about me.

                But anyway, if this will help someone, or if my SF will be inspiration for someone to step forward and try for himself/herself and utilize it, it will be cool.

                So I will publish my SF points, of course those which are written.  J

                Enjoy, thanks, Juraj

Just walk

                I’ve put off my shoes one evening, because walking in that shoes became problematic as that one has been broken, and I continued walking home barefoot.

                I noticed how long I didn’t walk at the ground just without shoes, yes sometimes near be lake while swimming but this was different, as this was regular walking some distance.

                And I’ve put my foot on the grass and I enjoyed the grass and next step and next, wet grass under my feet and I walked onto sidewalk and it was little bit warm as it was evening of summer day.

                I’ve continued and I focused on my breath and the touch I experience with my feet, and also focusing to do not step into some broken glass or something which could harm my feet.

                And it was just me, walking and enjoying this simplicity, focused but calm.

Thanks, Juraj

The competition – Win or die

I liked to win. I had to win. For all costs, no matter how high price was.

When I used to play games, simply I had to win, otherwise I should not go sleep unless I won.  In those games which I could not practice sufficient amount of time I cheated, I liked to use cheats, especially in those types of games where opponents were real people.

I used to involve emotions towards the games, I took it too seriously, I was not able to just say to myself It is only a game, come on.

I was addicted, I had to play to fulfill the ego of the mind, the ego of me.

As time passed I realized that each game it is still the same, no matter how it looks, principle is same where real opponents are involved.

 I loved to play as individual ego maniac where I had to have the best stats of the bests, I was breaking my records, and everything in my life has been submitted to this, that time.

I loved to play as polarity or ego, where I died for winning of the team, no matter how much times I sacrificed myself, when I saw that we will win I didn’t hesitated. I loved it.

Nothing was real.

After few years, I stop to involve emotions to the games, and started to be calm during playing, enjoying it with understanding that it is just a game, nothing else, type of games I played changed, my attitude changed, till finally I changed.

Hundreds and hundreds rounds I had to play, to finally realize, it is only a game.

Thanks, Juraj