Thursday, March 21, 2013

Day 157 : Understand me

                I wanted, I searched, I desired, someone to have in my presence to understand me, to see, realize and understand how I am seeing this world, why I am seeing this world the way I do, what points have been those which determined this seeing, and existing of me.

                But, this is not possible for those which do not walk their process, and for those which do, not a lot of words are necessary, they see. Within this, I realized that it is me who have to understand me, that it is me who have to see within and as me why I created myself the way I did, and what points are of my mind I decided to follow, live and why.

                This living of the mind components are not living at all, but for one to move forward within one’s process, it is the crucial point, to see within.

                And just one sentence, as being said many times, the EYE is the key to self, is quite difficult to comprehend and realize, what this really means, as this eye is the eye of the mind, it is the eye of the mind I has been taught to see the world as, because this EYE is not real at all. This eye of the mind is eye of the system, and just outcome of numerous components joining together, coming through everything I lived, accepted, and thus derived the “seeing”. Within this looking the mind looks, but me as self is blind, mind wants, but me as self I just follow.

                The breathing, the awareness of me within moments I participate, even just to the degree possible for me in stage I am, delivered me quite interesting moments of see, realize and understand without judgment of me, the “horrors” I accepted towards me as the mind.

                Maybe not easy but necessary for one to really see what is going on within one’s mind, and how the polarity play out works, do not be scared. Do not try to stand or run away from the shit within the mind, you will never run. It is not possible to run away, everything will remain the same, until one dare to see within the mind, to open the secrets within, to see and confront, to question, to dare to just take out the shit in the mind, deeply suppressed and forgotten, hidden and thrown away, in hope and believe that one will not have to face that what one exist as.

                I did, I am, I will face everything of me, yes, it was, it is, it will be not easy stuff sometimes, but it must be done. Sooner or later, in time which will inevitably come, for me, you, everyone, the questions which will be maybe not pleasurable to hear, but those questions must be placed, simply I have to question me. I have to challenge me.

                And it is me who have to see, realize understand and comprehend anything and everything I created, how, why, when. It is again only me, who push me, me pushing me through numerous resistances of the mind, and I am aware mind will do everything possible to stop me, mind will use all my weaknesses and I will be lead each way possible through all dimensions of the mind, to see, if I stand, or if I fall.

                The falls are specific, and be grateful for them, because you can be certain, if you fall, simply you didn’t stood the point. But do not fall entirely, do not give up on yourself, push and walk.

                The time, I had no patience, I had no stability, I do not wanted to walk my life in time. I wanted, to solve stuff immediately and to have my own “ peace “.

                To be stable, if all around are not is interesting, as this teaches me to be stable simply each moment I am.

                The polarity, and how I moved, move within, teaches me how I split myself and simply, how I do not lived me but this play out. To stop polarity, to stop and unite in me, as I as me. First dare to see.

                It is decision. Nothing else. Give up the mind, not self.

Thanks, Juraj

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