Family as foundation for back chat

                I was inferior in front of my parents, and I took them as authority which has the right to speak what they speak and behave how they behaved. I trusted them.

                There was a moments I wanted to hide in front of them, run away, to fight, to say them what is inside me, to ask them the questions, to show them what they are doing, but I didn’t because of fear and possible consequences.

                I solved it within me in my backchat, there was a moments I was crying within me, suppressing what going on, but pretending I am fine, but thinking how I will behave and what I will do against them when I will grow up and they will have no power over me.

                My older siblings tried to take over me and grow up me on their image, I hated it and fought intensively against them, when I was not strong enough, similar backchats takes place within me, with projections and desires how I will show them when I will grow up that they have no power over me and that they can no longer to push on me to behave like they would like.

                I didn’t understood why they do what they do, because I didn’t, I took them as equal to me as my siblings, but over some time this equality within me has been destroyed, after extensive pushing and fighting, there was no more equality within me, and I started to look on them as abusers, so my abuse has been born.

                It is no more here, it is gone.

    I will no more allow to be abused, nor to abuse someone else.

Thanks, Juraj

Who is - Direction

I believed that some forces exists, as separated from me, like force of the fire, earth, water, wind, as elements of the earth, where the cartoons was foundation of this, the presentation of elements united an thus hero created to fight against elements of evil, where of course humans was always involved. I liked that idea. I liked idea to fight against humans.

I believed that forces as good and evil exists, I called that as powers of good and powers of darkness, in the times when I gave up religion, the idea of god.

I substituted the god of religions with my own explanations, as I didn’t wanted to serve anymore to the god which punish as religions are presenting, living in sin, etc, all that bullshits I was sick of it.

But there was still believe that something separated from me could have some kind of influence, and thus I prayed in my mind to those forces and especially when I wanted to win, I called the forces to intervene, lol, and amazing fuck up.

As I am writing this, I have to laugh on myself, how I have been deluding myself with amazing bullshits.

No such forces exist, no such believes anymore.

I am responsible for everything, and there is nothing out there which could be responsible or which could intervene, it is only me.

Only I can stand up.

I am direction. It is me who direct, not believes.

Thanks, Juraj