Day 170 : I stop when I stop – When I stop?

                To stop the point, no matter which point it is, I simply have to decide be here. Once I am not in the mind all days, I see how point after point is challenging me, and I went through lot of them, and this ego point, me as simply this E-go instead of I go, is challenging me constantly, continuously, in such frequency, that is astonishing, once I started to see mechanics of me, understand me, see me as who I am as mind, that I still was not able to stop E-go point entirely. This is quite interesting, as I started to see, that through separations, judgments etc, which minds offer constantly, simply I can’t stop any point. It is simply impossible, because this will still bring polarity and thus friction and energy which will be followed.

Self stops, when self decide, any moment, self move once self stops. Self stops, once self embrace point as self as oneness of self with everything which self stand for as the point, self see. That's self decision,I decide.

Thanks, Juraj 

Day 143 : Mind moves – I move

                The point of EGO, and energy movement, is point of my life, as I existed as this EGO always. And to move just as me as breath, that’s the journey out of the ego.

                Today, when I get on the bus, I made just two steps inside, and I looked on a girl on left side, and as I wanted to move behind her, through my mind flashed the question – Why she stand here this way? As her standing in middle of bus simply blockade the movement through this part, and thus I had to bay pass her, but as this movement I did as following of this thought and thus in certain rush of this movement, I hurt my left knee really hard.

                The pain became extreme and I just breathe through this pain, and I realized, why and what was the point I hurt myself.

                Simply, I moved in the mind as follower of the thought in the mind, it was not me moving me, as I saw the moment breathing through the pain, that if I would move myself, it would be impossible to hurt me, because I would do that steps in more calm manner and the certain rush I created within me, showed me what is the outcome of movement in and as the mind.

                And within this, is simplicity, each time I move as the mind, thus I hurt myself.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to move myself as follower of the thought in the mind, to create the rush and do not be aware my breath, and thus hurt myself, instead of slow down, stop and move me as breath, as my physical body.

                I forgive to myself that I have not accepted and allowed to myself to see and realize, that each moment mind show me any thought, I am able to stop, to be here, to breathe and move myself instead of following the thought and thus energy experience created.

Thanks, Juraj

Day 114 : I know – thus I deluded myself

                 To know is self delusion of the mind, by the mind, as the mind. Mind thinks mind knows, it is not so. Mind do not know a shit, mind thinks mind knows.

                To know, is idea and believe. To think I know is self delusion. To know what will happen is self delusion as well, as every single moment uncountable of possibilities can happen.

                What will happen, simply I do not know. To grasp that I do not know and that I do not need to know, and that I do not have to know, is simplicity of life. But for mind, it is one of the hardest points to comprehend, as mind by itself can’t comprehend not knowing, because mind is based on information stored, received, interpreted and thus sorted and defined, in strict manners as function of program.

                To transcend and accept the point that I do not know, and that I do not know what will happen, is quite challenge. Because, it will happen what will happen, as entire outcome of each possibilities as acceptance of entire self-definitions of me through and as the mind, and here I am not able to see every single point I defined myself into and as, as to do so, mean transcend the mind in its own entirety as self created illusion of me.

                Thus to know, is the point of wanting to have control as outcome of situations which will come, because of specific fear, fear of unknown as fear of future outcomes.

                Physical, do not need to know anything, physical is. That which is, as real, do not need to bother itself with knowing, because of one simple question.

                Why that what is real, should question its own existence, if it already is?

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I know anything.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think, believe and perceive that I have to know something about myself, and through this knowing define myself as who I am or what I should be.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that knowing something give me security about myself.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to believe that I know what will happen to the future, instead of see and realize that the future is entire outcome of acceptance and allowances of mankind as a whole, as each single being here.

Thanks, Juraj

Day 112 : Separation

                Over years of growing up, I start to see myself as the separate being in front of others. The thought I separated from my brother, that time came through my mind was : I am not you, I am not that what you say, I am not that what you perceive, I am not that what you think, I am not that what you believe.

                Within this, I wanted to stand alone of my brother, and do not follow his believes and his perceptions about myself, thus I started to create my own believes, my own perceptions of me, my own desires, needs, wants, my own “ life “.

                The moment I realized this I had quite interesting experiences, this was years ago. I can thanks, thanks to this realization I am still here, and I do and walk what I walk, because the clarity, purity and shock of this realization and experience I had, was, that – I am all, anything and everything which exists.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to separate myself from my brother through thought – I am not you, I am not what you think, I am not what you believe, I am not what you say, as an act of separation myself from myself as an act of wanting to stand as ego, as alone separate entity from him, and thus project this act to others, as my mother, my father, my brothers and sister, where I started to see them separated from myself, and act and react to them in separation from myself.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to separate myself from natures as trees, flowers, in believing that because I do not see them to move, thus they are not aware and not alive, because I separated myself from them.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to separate myself from grass, because of believe that grass do not move and is still on one place, thus it is not alive and not aware, not seeing and realizing that I did this because I separated myself from the grass.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to separate myself from rocks, mountains, winds, fire, water, because of believe that those are not alive because they do not move, that water is just water and not realizing that water is what gives me life, that wind as air is what gives me life, that rocks are here equally as I am, thus I am this all.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to separate myself from myself because of believe that awareness is to hear thoughts in my head, and that if I hear thoughts thus I am aware of myself, instead of see and realize that thought are consciousness of the mind but not awareness as awareness of life here.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to separate myself from myself as wood, glass and iron, because of believe that this everything is of the earth and do not organic, thus this can’t be aware or alive, instead of see and realize that I am part of this equally here, thus I am one and equal with that what I see and perceive through my physical eyes.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to separate myself from myself because of believe that what is alive is just that what moves, and thus separate life from life, myself from myself, instead of see and realize that life is of that what is here as all as one.

Thanks, Juraj

Day 106 : Energy

                I separated myself from energy and I judged energy as bad. I perceived energy as something as the cause of everything I lived, I judged energy for all deception of my life, as my own life so called own became just this. Nothing.

                And I would like to go out. Out of this dream I live as life as perception of me as mind. It is not real. And as I see everything around as me, to which extent I deluded myself and thus to which extent are deluded this beings on this planet.

                Great job has been done as creation of the mind, flawless system of enslavement and abuse. And I would like to go out, simply stop this all and within this all, I became lost in making of decisions of what is right.

                I can’t even determine what is right. Nothing of that exists, and I burned myself such many times with my decisions, by paradox, even those decisions have not been done by me. How I could decide if everything I became is just illusion. How even I can do decisions when all my life the mind has been that dictator who made these decisions for me.

                And this dictator I allowed to live for me, is losing it own strength, and thus it is for me like strange to make decisions for myself, because within this I can’t even blame my thoughts. And I became like going nowhere, yes day by day walking my days and my life, but at the same time like not seeing the end of this all.

                Yes and it is the end I would like to see and to make the end for myself to stop everything I became, yes  I realize I can’t do it at once, but I would like to. Simply, it is like, I have enough.

                I have enough the lies everywhere; I have enough this systems everywhere I see. I have enough of this world and I have enough of people of this world. I have enough of useless speeches and I have enough of even one false smile.

                Everything, everywhere, all levels and all points are I see are rotten by inequality, deception, abuse, lies, manipulation, horrors and evilness of mankind.

                And I am part of this all. I have enough of me as a system.

Thanks, Juraj