Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Self forgiveness

                Firstly I understood forgiveness from religion concept that something wrong had to happen and than it could be forgiven. If I do something wrong than I ask for forgiveness or I forgive to someone.

                But let’s have a look, if nothing wrong/bad exists and nothing good/right exists from polarity point of view, how than I could do something bad or judge myself as bad if it is just my perception, my judgment, and therefore my own created sense of sin or guilt ? And ask for forgiveness?

                How can I forgive someone else, if the behavior of others is based on their own judgments and has nothing to do with me?

                But if I look on this from perspective of self forgiveness, it is different. Bernard was/is/will be right about this point, that self forgiveness is procrastinated, avoided, laughed on, avoided, denied, etc.

                Because, self forgiveness has really nothing to do with any concept which humanity created, especially nothing with any religion.

                Firstly, I really didn’t understand at all why I should forgive to me anything, I thought I am fine. I was not. I started to use self forgiveness, I started to write, I started to speak, and mostly I experienced huge tiredness, immense that I was hardly able to hold myself awake or move the body or do anything, I simply had to rest. Effect of the mind, where through self forgiveness mind is “ hacked  “ .

                I mostly wrote the self forgiveness points and sometimes I spoke it, I see that to do it as combination - write it and then speak it is more effective.

                I went through the points Bernard mentioned in the book, mostly in my case it was procrastination with self forgiveness, avoiding it, or wanting to hold to some specific point and not to let it go, or not doing self forgiveness complete, or even abuse it, or condition my self forgiveness, or use it only on things within me which I didn’t liked and not on things I liked, or forgive only specific thoughts and some remained as part of me.

                Interesting if one comes to the point, to forgive oneself, and let it go as the past which is not here. Most effective I was in regards of my emotions, things which I judged within me and things which I really didn’t liked to experience as anxiety, fear, imagination, sexuality, perception of my body, thoughts and judgments, with breathing also, of course.

                Still I see, many more points will come, as I am aware which points within me I was not able to transcend and I am still holding into, also I am aware what I was able to change.

                I have to say, as I slowed down, how my daily experiences, moments, reactions, thoughts, etc, started to changing and stopping, I started to see differently people around me, my environment and firstly, I started to see differently me.

                Mainly, my experiences, the calmness which started to enter into my life, rush and energy is fading away, slowly and surely my inner peace started to enter into my life, and still, I am saying, I am far from the point where my inner peace will be wholeness as silence as me.

                Once I look on my life, this is the way which is really worth, self forgiveness is the way one can open the door for inner peace to enter into one’s life, to open the door for real self to stand and let go the fake personalities.

                In last period, I wrote lot of SF points, I didn’t publish it, why not? I thought to me that anyway no one is reading my SF, or no one is interested, or no one care, this point comes from my childhood when I experienced myself as alone where no one care about me.

                But anyway, if this will help someone, or if my SF will be inspiration for someone to step forward and try for himself/herself and utilize it, it will be cool.

                So I will publish my SF points, of course those which are written.  J

                Enjoy, thanks, Juraj

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