The rush of the city and the rush of the people, I am meeting daily, moving back and forth from here to there and from there again back, to complete this or that or enjoy or for whatever reason, people move. Cars move and the nature move. City as buildings and infrastructure stand, one place, no rush, apparently it seems not alive.
Why people move? Money,survival. Basic points of this movement. Why people rush? Money, energy, time.
Pictures each moment around, pictures I used to define myself according it, pictures I used to create energy from it, for myself to live in state this energy experiences is me. It is not so.
The rush and the pictures, the words people speak, distractions as distracted all the time.
To stand calm and clear each moment here, I noticed sometimes I am losing this, like in moment of reaction which I was not aware that is part of me, and as I look on that reaction what is this telling about me. What I do not want to stand equal and one with, from which I want to separate myself from, interestingly, to be equal means not to react at all.
To be equal with myself within me, understand and see what is going on and direct the moments, some moments I directed showed me some great shit about myself or about people around, which is cool because otherwise I would not be able to see it.
Sometimes the one word can distract me, sometime one picture, the sounds or voices or noises used also but it is gone.
I see that most I defined myself through pictures and very specific moments I lived, and those moments define who I am, because I was not able to unconditionally let it go, to forgive each part of nity grity situation.
I ask myself, how come, that some moments in my life, I can let go, do not react, to see and realize what it is, what is going on, to see how it works, and see myself within that, and how come, that within some points I am like absolutely blind and not grasping at all what it is, what’s move me and how it moves me.
I ask myself, how come that I am able to let go desires, needs, pictures, connections, relationships, thoughts, emotions and feelings, rush, I could continue…. Because I ask myself, how come I am not able to grasp one singular point I am facing many years over and over and this point is coming back, pattern I created within me and through this pattern I shaped my life and my participation, and this point is quite simple, mechanics and knowledge, how it works I understood, I do not see who I am within this point, maybe I do not want to see, maybe I suppressed a lot what it is what drives me, I came through hundreds of thoughts connected to this singular point – money.
How come, that the usage of money and how I am using it, is simply not understood within me.