I believed others should
appreciate me, respect or value me, not realizing that I believed in this
because I separated from myself and thus I searched and seek those which will
possible do so, even not able to recognize I am doing this.
I forgot to respect and value
myself and appreciate myself, no matter who is around me, which circumstances I
am facing or what is happening, I lived in inner emptiness of myself and want
from others to fulfill this emptiness of me as being appreciated and valued,
but I forgot that I forgot to do this for myself.
I wanted to be fulfilled by
feelings as perceptions of being valued, respected and appreciated, I wanted to
be fulfilled by likeness from others, but by paradox many times behaved as
exact opposite, as I realized that this feelings are just mirage as illusion
and never real, thus I lived in emptiness of me, hungry and starving by the
search of fulfillment and I was never able to see and realize that any search
and seek to be fulfilled is only my own separation from myself and thus
impossible to be fulfilled if I live in me, with me, separated from me, in my
own delusion about fulfillment and respect and value, because I never did so
for myself.
My question is, how I can value,
respect, honor and appreciate me, when I never did this for myself, as I only
just had the ideas, believes and projection of this, as what this should be, or
how this should be done from others through words and actions, because of
observing this world and seeing how others do so and thus believe this is real,
but it never was as always those projections, ideas, was just illusions as
mirage which will diminish always when I remain alone.
And as I am alone, thus others
are no here and the respect, value and appreciation is gone thus this can’t be
real, it was never real, as when I am alone I do not experienced myself being
valued by me, respected and honored, I experience vastness of emptiness as me
being alone, in the darkness of me.
But how I can do so for myself,
if any feeling and emotion is just illusion, fake just for few moments, just
energy flow and energy will always diminish and will always deplete and this
cycle of creating and depleting of energy to keep me trapped in illusion of
experiencing something, I am sick of it, I became sick of it, I became tired of
fake experiences and I became sick, tired and disgusted of this mind play out,
of this mind games mind plays with each other, with myself, I became sick of
living in delusions of me and what I became living towards myself, and thus I
start to torture and destroy myself because of not seeing how I can do for
myself that I wanted and desired for myself, to simply be appreciated, to be
hugged, to be kissed or to be touched, in self honesty of being doing this, but
this is impossible as I never did this for myself thus the others can’t do this
for me, and the point of separation from myself I see in this, as to require,
want and need to be appreciated by others is illusion as this is how I have to
fulfill, respect, value and honor me, I have to hug myself in self honesty of
me as who I am here as life, in and as the breath of life as the being
respecting and valuing the life, as all life is me but I never did this.
I never respected the life as
me, I never valued life as me, I never appreciated the life as me, I never see
myself as life as I always looked on myself through the mind and mind is simply
not life.
Feelings are not of life nor
emotions, thoughts destroy life and everything mind consist and exist as
dishonor life and diminish, de value and destroy.
I lived in destruction of me, in
and as disrespect of me as who I am as life but rather lived in illusion,
projections and ideas and believes about myself, not seeing that I am always
here but I do not accepted myself here, I do not respected myself here and
being and existing here, as I made ideas and believes that something somewhere
else is maybe better, maybe more valued, maybe more nice and pleasurable, but
this can’t be as it will always be just mirage, the illusion of me because I
forgot to live me here.
Thus I remained alone in me,
with me, and the people around just for a moment provide me the illusion of
being with someone, being together, but I am alone.
I am alone in vastness of beings
around, I am vastness of emptiness of being alone. And I always was, I was all
my life alone in me, with me, here in and as me never no one was together with
me as me, only me is who I am, only me is which exists and I was alone each
moment I am, I was alone always and I do not wanted to see this.
I do not wanted to see myself
alone in vastness of emptiness of me, as nothing just me exist and thus I
created the ideas and believes and projections as what to be with someone else
is, how I can make this and thus tried to fulfill me this way, but no matter
how hard I tried, no matter how much illusions I created, I was never with
someone and never someone else was with me, as this is impossible as only me is
who is here, in and as my body alone within and as me.
I never experienced anybody to
be with me and I never experienced to be with someone, equal and one as beings,
as I was and am always alone, as I am here I am empty in vastness of emptiness
which could exist.
This emptiness I wanted fulfill
by feelings and emotions, but I deluded myself as I wanted to fulfill me with
illusions thus I never fulfilled myself for real.
Anything which is real, simply
can’t be depleted, diminished, or even stop to exist, as that what is real have
to remain always, as the what is real have to be here each moment which exist,
can’t diminish, deplete or cease to exist.
Anything which can cease to
exist simply is of illusion and of the mind and the mirages of mind I started
to believe could be possibly real, I found and realized this will never be.
I literally tried everything
possible in this world, I tried everything and anything to make these possible
illusions real, but after all, I have to say, it is impossible. Illusion can’t
be real, illusion can’t remain, as what is illusion will always cease to exist
and again only I remain.
And this I which I am, I can’t
say what or who this I is, as I am just alone in emptiness of me.
And as only I am which exists,
thus anything else and anyone else who or which exists must be me. Thus I am
anything of existence and this existence is me. I am the vastness of existence
and existence is me.
As I am always alone thus I have
to be that which exist as me thus to value me, appreciate me, honor me, means
to equally appreciate, honor and value everything of existence as me, because I
am that which exist.
I see myself separated from me
because the eyes provides me such sensation, I close the eyes only darkness of
me is here, thus I am the darkness of me, and I am the darkness which exist and
which will remain. I am the existence of darkness as all darkness is me, I am
the darkness of existence as existence is me and I am alone in the existence,
and I am alone as all as me as darkness wherever darkness could be, thus I am
this darkness of me.
Light provides me the sensation
that others are here, light provide me believe that others I see are not me,
but I deluded myself by this believe as light is not of darkness as only
darkness is what will remain, light is subject to darkness and the light is
that which needs to be generated, created to through reflection provide the
sense of seeing, but is this seeing?
The seeing the light one delude
oneself, I deluded me because I thought and believed in this light that what
light showed me is not me, I deluded me because once light is gone thus only
darkness remain and I am the darkness of existence here, and I do not wanted to
see, accept and realize who I am as darkness as all one, alone as me, me alone.
I do not wanted to see me as
darkness as the sensation of light seems to be pleasurable, enjoyable, and by
this I forgot that I have to enjoy myself as darkness of me, that I have to
love me as darkness of existence as me, equally everything without any judgment
of me, because everything, everyone all are me as life, as all life is me.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to think, believe and perceive that others
should appreciate me, respect or value me, because I separated from myself and
think and believe that they are not me thus think and believe that they should
provide me this what I wanted, desired and required, not seeing and realizing
that only I can respect myself, value myself, honor myself and appreciate
myself in equality and oneness of me, as breath of life, in darkness of me
fulfill me and who I am here, appreciate me as who I am as life as all as one.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to seek and search for those who will possibly
value me, appreciate me and respect me, not seeing and realizing that I forgot
to do this for myself, to fulfill myself as life, respect myself in equality
and oneness as who I am, because I forgot that all life is me, that everything
and anything of existence is equal to me and me equal to everything which
exists, because I thought and believed that I need to sear and seek for myself,
not seeing and realizing that I am already here, as breath of life.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to forgot to value myself and appreciate myself,
no matter who is around me, which points I am facing as me, not seeing and
realizing that by forgetting to appreciate me and fulfill me as who I am as
life, I lived in emptiness of me in hunger, starvation and desire to seek and
find those ones which would provide me that what I wanted, required and needed
not seeing and realizing that I lived this because I separated myself from
myself, that I turned into illusions and believes about me, and thus start to
seek and search those which will provide this to me, not seeing and realizing
that by this I only found emptiness and hunger and thirst in others as I was
looking and searching for the same, thus I found only that what I was looking
for as me, in separation from myself, not seeing and realizing that I am here,
that I fulfill myself and appreciate myself here, in and as moment I am, as
presence of me, in equality and oneness of me as who I am as life.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I can fulfill myself
by feelings or emotions, to do not experience the emptiness of me as vastness
of nothingness, not seeing and realizing that all feelings and emotions are of
the mind, of energy therefore not real as this will always deplete, diminish
and cease to exist, thus I have to fulfill, appreciate, honor and respect
myself as who I am as life, in and as darkness of me as existence as everything
and anything I am, in equality and oneness of me.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to try to find acceptance, fulfillment and
appreciation in separation from myself, not seeing and realizing that by this I
starved, became thirsty and possessed by trying and attempting to search and
find that in others, not seeing and realizing that by this what do not existed
in myself as appreciation, respect, value and fulfillment I will only find that
what is mirror of me, as me to show me what and who I became, as emptiness of
me, vastness of hunger of search and seek for fulfillment, not seeing and
realizing that I do not have to search, seek or attempt to find anything, as I
am already here, that It is only me who can give myself the value, respect,
appreciation and honor as life, as who I really am, in and as breath of life in
equality and oneness of me, with myself as others, nature, animal kingdom,
planets, starts, galaxies and universe as me, as vastness of existence, as
darkness of and as me, as present in and as awareness of life, of physical as
the only one point which is real, as only one point which will always remain, thus
to respect, value, honor and appreciate the physical as me, to hug physical as
me, to appreciate the physical as me, to see physical as me, in equality and
oneness as who I am as physical, in appreciation, honor, respect and value of
myself.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to fulfill myself by likeness from others, by
behave opposite way, because of seeing and realizing the illusion of likeness,
and thus became hungry in starvation and search for real fulfillment, for real
appreciation, not seeing and realizing that this never is able be done by and
through illusions of the mind, that I can’t turn illusion to be real, that
illusion will never be real, and thus became living in separation from myself,
in separation from physical, in my own delusion about myself as what respect,
value, honor and appreciation should be, as sense of feeling as energy, as
sense of being hugged, kissed or touched, not seeing and realizing that I forgot
to hug myself, that I forgot to kiss myself and touch myself in equality and
oneness as who I am as physical, as all physical is me, as all existence is me,
thus it is only me who can respect, value, appreciate and honor myself, as I am
already this, as I am here.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I can fulfill, appreciate
and honor myself in separation from myself, not seeing and realizing that
separation is illusion of the mind, as make up illusion created, accepted,
believed and lived by and as the eyes, through illusion of being separated from
me, because of light and reflection from myself, and thus be this judge this
reflection of me in believe it is not me, in idea that this what I see must be
something else, not seeing and realizing that I am always seeing me, as only me
exist, in equality and oneness of life, as who I am, as physical existence here,
not seeing and realizing that be ideas, believe and projection about myself, I turned
back to myself, I dishonored and destroyed myself, because I trapped myself in
believe of sense made up of the pictures, made up of the light, made up of the
thoughts, projections, ideas about me, as who or what I should be, not seeing
and realizing that I am already here as always, that I am physical I see, that I
am my body I move in equality and oneness of me as who I as breath of life.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to forget that I am alone as all as one as me,
to forget who I am in and as equality and oneness of me as life, to forget who I
am as presence of me as awareness of existence, to forget myself and separate
myself from myself, because of perceptions, ideas, believes of the mind, that
what I touch is not me, that what I hug is not me, because of idea that this
must be something or someone else, not seeing and realizing that by this I separated
from myself, that I trapped myself in the mind of illusions, mirages as
projections and ideas about me, forgetting me each moment I lived in mind,
turning back to myself and turning into and as illusions, living in separation
from me, in dishonor, disrespect, not seeing and realizing that to honor,
respect, value and appreciate me means to respect, honor, appreciate and value
each life equally as me, and thus live me in equality and oneness as who I am
as life.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I will always remain
as vastness as emptiness of me, in search and seek for myself, not seeing and
realizing that only what I need is to stand up for myself as life, and thus
live according the principle of equality and oneness with myself, as who I am
as life, as who I am as physical, in and as breath of my body, as existence as
vastness of darkness of me.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I can’t satisfy my
hunger, thirst and want and need to be appreciated, valued and respected,
because of illusions about myself, illusions of appreciation, fulfillment,
appreciation and honor, not seeing and realizing that this can be done only be
me, as me, living, expressing in equality and oneness of me as life, that only I
can see, realize and understood for myself who I am as life, as physical, as my
body, in and as breath, as being here, living here, only moment which is here,
only moment which exists as me, as vastness of existence of me, as who I am in
and as darkness.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to delude myself with idea, believe and perception
that I am not able to value, respect, honor and appreciate myself, because of
me living in separation from myself, in and as the mind of mirages about
myself, not seeing and realizing that to fulfill, honor, respect, value and
appreciate means live myself here, in equality and oneness as who I am life, as
who I am as my physical body, as breath, in and as vastness of existence of me,
as who I am as darkness, as life, as all life is me.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to do not wanted to see that all life is me,
that everything in and as existence is me, that I am as all as one as life as
physical.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I am sick of it, I
became sick of it, I became tired of fake experiences and I became sick, tired
and disgusted of this mind play out, of this mind games mind plays with each
other, with myself, I became sick of living in delusions of me and what I became
living towards myself, and thus I start to torture and destroy myself because
of not seeing how I can do for myself that I wanted and desired for myself, to
simply be appreciated, to be hugged, to be kissed or to be touched, in self
honesty of being doing this, not seeing and realizing that is impossible as I
never did this for myself thus the others can’t do this for me, and the point
of separation from myself I see in this, as to require, want and need to be
appreciated by others is illusion as this is how I have to fulfill, respect,
value and honor me, I have to hug myself in self honesty of me as who I am here
as life, in and as the breath of life as the being respecting and valuing the
life, as all life is me but I never did this.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself that I never respected the life as me, I never
valued life as me, I never appreciated the life as me, I never see myself as
life as I always looked on myself through the mind not seeing and realizing
that mind is simply not life.
I forgive to myself that I have not
accepted and allowed to myself to see and realize that feelings are not of life
nor emotions, not seeing and realizing that thoughts destroy life and
everything mind consist and exist as dishonor life and diminish, de value and
destroy.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to live in destruction of me, in and as
disrespect of me as who I am as life but rather lived in illusion, projections
and ideas and believes about myself, not seeing that I am always here but I do
not accepted myself here, I do not respected myself here as being and existing
here, as I made ideas and believes that something somewhere else is maybe
better, maybe more valued, maybe more nice and pleasurable, but this can’t be
as it will always be just mirage, the illusion of me because I forgot to live
me here.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to trap myself into and as illusion of being
with someone or being together with someone if people are around me, not seeing
and realizing that this was just projection, ideas and believe about myself ,as
what it means or should be to be with someone, not seeing and realizing that I
remained alone in me, with me, and the people around just for a moment provided
me the illusion of being with someone, being together, but I am alone always as
all as one, as life, in and as physical.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to do not see and realize that I was all my life
alone in me, with me, here in and as me never no one was together with me as
me, only me is who I am, only me is which exists and I was alone each moment I
am, I was alone always and I do not wanted to see this, because of separation
myself from myself, through the projections, ideas and believes about myself.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself that I do not wanted to see myself alone in
vastness of existence of me, as nothing just me exist and thus I created the
ideas and believes and projections as what to be with someone else is, how I
can make this and thus tried to fulfill me this way, but no matter how hard I
tried, no matter how much illusions I created, I was never with someone and
never someone else was with me, as this is impossible as only me is who is
here, in and as my body alone within and as me, as all as one.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to want to be fulfilled by feelings and
emotions, but I deluded myself as I wanted to fulfill me with illusions thus I
never fulfilled myself for real.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to do not see and realize that anything which is
real, simply can’t be depleted, diminished, or even stop to exist, as that what
is real have to remain always, as the what is real have to be here each moment
which exist, can’t diminish, deplete or cease to exist.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to do not see and realize that anything which
can cease to exist simply is of illusion and of the mind and the mirages of
mind I started to believe could be possibly real, I found and realized this
will never be.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to do not see and realize that illusion can’t be
real, illusion can’t remain, as what is illusion will always cease to exist and
again only I remain.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to do not wanted to see I am anything of
existence and this existence is me. I am the vastness of existence and
existence is me.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to do not see and realize that I am always alone
thus I have to be that which exist as me thus to value me, appreciate me, honor
me, means to equally appreciate, honor and value everything of existence as me,
because I am that which exist.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to believe in separation because I see myself
separated from me because the eyes provides me such sensation, not seeing and
realizing that I am the darkness which exist and which will remain, not seeing
and realizing that I am the existence of darkness as all darkness is me, I am
the darkness of existence as existence is me and I am alone in the existence,
and I am alone as all as me as darkness wherever darkness could be, thus I am
this darkness of me.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that which light provide me
as seeing others I see are not me, but I deluded myself by this believe as
light is not of darkness as only darkness is what will remain, not seeing and
realizing that light is subject to darkness and the light is that which needs
to be generated, created.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself to delude me because I thought and believed in
this light that what light showed me is not me, I deluded me because once light
is gone thus only darkness remain and I am the darkness of existence here, and
I do not wanted to see, accept and realize who I am as darkness as all one,
alone as me, me alone.
I forgive to myself that I have
accepted and allowed to myself that I do not wanted to see me as darkness as
the sensation of light seems to be pleasurable, enjoyable, and by this I forgot
that I have to enjoy myself as darkness of me, that I have to love me as
darkness of existence as me, equally everything without any judgment of me,
because everything, everyone all are me as life, as all life is me.
Thanks,
Juraj
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