As I started to realize years
ago what thoughts really are, as deception of self, as that what has been
programmed and created to enslave human being, and therefore myself, I became
interested of living without a thoughts within me, and thus I start to apply
breathing, self forgiveness and I have to say, at the beginning of my process,
the amount of thoughts within me has been so extensive, that it seems to me
that to stop all of them is simply impossible.
But it is possible, and even is
possible to be, exist, live, move without a thought in the head. Therefore
question is, what the thoughts really represent, if one is able to exist
without? What is the purpose of thoughts, if those thoughts can be stopped,
released and let go, simply, all of them. Who remain if all thoughts are
released?
Then who we are as beings, if we
are not able to recognize the simplicity of living without a thoughts,
therefore being, existing, expressing ourselves as who we really are as beings
without being directed with such deception as thoughts represent?
As I
became aware of me breathing, and focusing on my breath, interesting points I started
to realize in regards of thoughts, that I became aware exactly which thoughts
directs me, within situation, what thoughts are part of me, and at the beginning
I had tendency to judge some thoughts and thus suppress them and do not want to
look on those which showed me what is also part of me.
As I stopped to judge my own
thoughts, and became aware that those thoughts are all equal, no matter how
those or that thought can look, it is simply a thought, nothing else, nothing
more.
After a certain period, I realized
that this thoughts which repeats by itself, have specific structure, pattern,
and thus the thoughts simply are not random, even if this can look that way.
Why, when and which thought pops up in my head, had specific structure, as
patterns connecting to each other, therefore like small programs keeping
running in my head, and thus I was just follower of this small programs.
But as I started to stop those
thoughts, I start to face specific problem, and that was the trust, believe in
my own back chat, as this believe has been so strong that to break this looked
really being impossible, as this back chat had tendency to came back over and
over at the beginning almost in each situations I moved within environment, and
thus years ago I faced interesting point, when I realized that I can’t trust
this back chat, as simply I faced the point of me, when nothing of my own back
chat matched reality, therefore that just showed me how deceptive in nature
back chat is.
After some period, the back chat
start to emerge again and I started to hear that back chat as I fall in believe
that maybe possibly this is who me is, and the nature of back chat became simply
different. After specific period, as I started to walk my process more fast in
meaning, applying breath more effectively, writing more often, applying sf
more, and developed trust in self forgiveness, I start to face the root cause
of my biggest believes, strongest perceptions and ideas about myself, in
meaning, my own self interest.
And my own self interest I started
to see, realize and understood what this really is, was the biggest problem I faced,
as the self interest is energy. I started to see and realize how I defined
myself through the energy I required for myself, and within this interesting
points emerged for myself to see and realize, that the positive energy I had
tendency to perceive I look for, was not the cause of my own self interest,
even this can look that way, but in fact my own self definitions as negative
was the points I wanted and required for myself, and the positive was just
balance of negative and deception to not see what are parts of me as negative.
Therefore I started to see and
realize, that what I was living as fear, and existing in and as fear as the
definition of me towards this energy, thus that I let my mind to direct myself
to get this experience as fear. And therefore the fear was that what I required
for myself and all derivatives of this fear, in perception and believe that
this energy I get is simply me living me, but it was never so.
Other layers of fear had been
mostly not understood, recognized and seen by me, as mostly I misplaced the
experience I had and thought it is something good, nice, and positive, that
what I like, but again it was fear.
As I started to walk the points
of fear, to see and realize how I trapped myself in energy experiences of fear,
another suppressed points start to emerge day by day, always linked to specific
back chats from past or present, and thus always I got to the point of seeing,
that root cause was my own thoughts and fear I lived.
Fear by itself, was basic
platform of every energy experience I had. Thus fear as energy has been simply
the point of self interest as well, as fear as energy experience is in fact
only energy experience humans live. Yes there are many believes it is not so,
that all other energy experiences are something else, nice, positive, but going
deeper to this experiences, one always find the fear as basic platform of this.
Therefore, thoughts by itself
are representation of fear, and fear is that what directs humans, because of
fear of themselves, ourselves, as who we are, because we separated from
ourselves, through fear.
Thanks,
Juraj
