Sunday, February 20, 2011

My Smile – what’s behind?

I smile, you see my smile and you do not know why I smile. It seems that because of situation. It is not. I smile because I judge, you, me. I smile because I hide. I smile because I divert your attention. I know why I am doing it. I want to hide. I do not want to reveal my true self. I do not want to reveal what I judge and why I judge. I know it, exactly. I can name it, precisely, I see into me. In the moment I smile, I hide, I use it as weapon.

I do not want to bother you, I judge you, and you can’t comprehend what I know and what I understand. I judge because you didn’t lived what I lived. I do not want to share me, what I know, what I understand, so I smile. I feared to share me, so I used smile.  

I hide behind my smile. Why? It seems that it is simpler to live if I can hide. I can do it anytime, during the conversation I can use my skills to make you laugh, you love it as all love it. The jokes. Illusionary bullshits, I can speak for hours, divert the attention, to illusions and projections, and make you blind. You will not see what I see because I will manipulate you and I will have power over you, just with few jokes and smiles. For the moment. This moment you belongs to me.

I thought it is innocent. Just for moment. Innocent lies. I believed, I do not harm. But I do. I support the false image in you, I support false perception, I mislead and I divert. Just with few jokes. I make you lost in mind, for the moment. You cannot see what I do, as I do it immediately, I do not need to think about it.

And you like it, you will not say anything “ bad “ about me because you never saw  what is behind that smile. Smile is innocent. Smile cannot lie. Smile is honest. Bullshit.

Smiles are so much abused, for manipulation, for over powering someone, for submitting to one’s will. Best liars have amazing smiles. You can fall in some one’s smile.

I stop. I stop abuse my smile. I stop manipulate with smile. I stop hide behind my smile. I stop false smile, dishonest smile, fake image of me.

I like to smile, without jokes even spoken, I like to smile without apparent reason, my eyes can smile and my lips can be frozen. I can express myself as smile, at the moment, nothing exist, just me, as smile.

Thanks, Juraj

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