Day 36 : The future will never come

                I realized, that anything what I place within my mind to the future, thus it will never come, as it is already placed through separation to the future and what is here is thus not seen and not understood.

                No shortcut exist, no overlap, no jumping, as it is simply no possible as one moment end just only new one can come, one by one and anything what is place in mind in future thus is not real as it is idea, believe, desire, fear, or whatever else but it is not here.

                It is interesting, as I realized that this looking to the future, or placing “things” to the future, is like automatic way of living, where also expectations plays significant role.

                But can life expect anything? Can matter expect something to the future what will happen?

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to expect things that will happen by itself without my actions or participation, instead of making things happen.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to place fears, desires, expectations, ideas, believes to the future and thus create within me future projections about reality and how reality should works and what should happen instead of focusing on my breath, on my body, reality where I am with my body and thus solve that what is here and not that what is created within and as my mind as future projections thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to solve within my mind future projections instead of solving that what is here.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not participate on that what I do not understand and create within me the fear and resistance towards that what I do not know, instead of pushing myself and find out.

Thanks, Juraj

Day 4 : Patience

                I have to say, that most of my life I was impatient, when I wanted something thus immediately, get this or that or experience this, or resolve something but immediately, because if not immediately thus rather never and I let it go.

                With this attitude, I let behind me some unsolved things for a years, mostly in front of system and in front of authorities of the system, and as this points are coming back and I have to face what I unsolved before, everything is like lasting too long, all points which I solve took too long.

                The authorities have time, they are no in rush and they do not require serving to citizens in best manner and try and support to resolve task and issues best way. No, they have time and once problems occurs, I realized within this, how much I am dependent on decisions of the system and solutions systems provide.

                I have to be patient, I have to “ wait “ how much is required to wait, I have to do necessary steps to resolve it, but within this no nervous, no in rush, just be here, and step by step, participate on resolving that what needs to be resolved.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not resolve that I knew and was aware that needs to be resolved.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to be impatient in solving tasks, issues, problems and want to do it immediately.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to want to get things for myself and fix things immediately with any time frame allowed.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not see and realize that things in system work in time line thus the very same way have to be walked.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to demand to fix issues I created immediately.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to be pissed off by the necessity to have time go for resolving issues, problems I created.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to be pissed off that I am bound to time as my perception of past and future, instead of realizing that only what exist is moment here and who I am here within this moment will have consequence on each other moments.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to define myself as impatient and thus create within me perception and need that I require things to be done/happen immediately.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not like the fact that solutions for fixing problems require time line, step by step, moment by moment.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to create within me rush and demand solutions immediately instead of realizing and see the very mechanics how things works.

I commit myself to be patient in front of facing problems, issues, tasks and do not create within me energy experiences in regards of steps required to make things done.

Thanks, Juraj

Imagination

            With this word by itself, word magic is resonating within me. I liked to imagine, and when I did this, it was mostly about future, how things will be, related to relationship with a girl, towards money, my living, house, the way how I would like to live or where I would like to live.

            Most prominent I used to imagine future when I met a new girl and started to date with her, when I started to think about her, imagine the places where we should go, what I would like to do with her, and mostly how sex could be with her.

            The next point related to money, what I would like to do when I would have really a lot of money, what I would buy or where my steps will head on, to experience things I never could because those money I simply do not have.   I liked to imagine, how I would like to get this money, or how much, and I can say, that even billions was in my head and how I would use it.

            Imagination “ served “ me during times when I used it as an escape from reality, when I was not able to “ live “ within my reality and thus I run away from it to different places in my head, to different words, where I was secure, safe and when the Imagined reality was “ more simple “ than this one.

            There were a lot of things what I imagined what and how I would like to do, and some of them, I never did.

            And, nothing of this is here, it is always in the future, it is always in the past, each time I imagined something, it was never here thus never real. As it couldn’t be, because, all just illusions – self made projections of likes, just imagined.

            But actually, to imagine things, and make things happen, is completely different scenario.

Thanks, Juraj