Day 150 : People are unlimited idiots

                After specific scenario I faced with my flat mate, I experienced backchat as my mind telling towards people how people are idiots, specifically as the point of their blindness, as no actual understanding even what they speak, and this was because of point of anger and blame directed towards myself, by that persona.

                I had no reaction during conversation, just several periods after this back chat came up, and the seeing others as unlimited idiots, as they even are no able to communicate.

                Interestingly, because of one event, I thrown all people into one bag and marked them as idiots within my mind, because and by this I can stand separate by them and see them as stupid and myself not. Therefore polarity of superior and inferior came up, as those which do not understand what they became are seeing as less and thus myself as more, specifically those where lack of communication skills has been experienced and seen.

                Within this, I realized that I was exactly the same. I had no ability to communicate effectively, I was not able recognize what is going on within me, I didn’t understood why I said what I said, I had no clue what it is to direct myself and my words, and so, and by this, I see that I judged myself because of who I was in my past.

                This judgment is and as the point of not wanting to stand equal and one with those who direct towards myself their anger, their blame, their issues which they do not solved, and thus do not want to participate on anything with them.

                The point of this judgment also states, the perception of myself being tired to explain so called educated people the simplest points of behaviors, patterns and continuously explain even basic words and their meaning. In this judgment is merged point of seeing people which claim they are educated and have universities and claim their wisdom as absolute retards. As with this type of people I experienced most difficult conversations, because of the point of effective brainwashing which has been applied on them during studies, and simply I have no intentions to fight, but I saw people like to even during speech, and thus validate their ego, and I simply refuse.

                In this, I forgot I was exactly the same.

                The education which has been applied on each one of us, has been the theft of the true wisdom and replaced by lies and dogmas, thus each one of us simply needs to be re-educated, as the education system is abuse of each participant in such system, simply, because of lies being presented as true, thus submission and acceptance of students of such lies is inevitable if they want to live in and follow the system, as system is what each one of us became.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to judge others as unlimited idiots and absolute retards as the point of creating myself as superior and them as inferior and thus exist within and as mind design of superiority and inferiority.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to judge others as unlimited idiots and absolute retards as the point of separation from them and thus from myself and do not want to be involved into their issues they are facing and thus do not want to support them because of accepted and allowed creation of perception of myself being tired to explain over and over the same points to everyone.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to judge others as unlimited idiots and absolute retards as the point of separation from them because of perception and judgment of them as being perfectly brainwashed and by this forgot that I was exactly the same and thus I am able to assist and support them in issues they are facing.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to judge others as unlimited idiots and absolute retards as a point of not wanting to stand equal and one with those which are directing towards myself their anger, blame and issues they experience, not seeing and realizing that what is going on within them I can support and assist them to see, realize and understood why such events are taking place.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to judge others as unlimited idiots and absolute retards as a point of my own anger towards myself and who I was in the past and why I became who I was and wanting to separate from the past.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to judge others as unlimited idiots and absolute retards as a platform to make from myself more and them to be less because they have no clue what they experience and by this wanting to be the one who is superior and thus have power over them, as I see and realize that have power over those in fear is simple, not seeing and realizing the real power is to stand equal and one with everyone and everything in and as breath and if possibility of assist and support is seen thus do so.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to want to separate from my past, and from the future, not seeing and realizing that this is impossible as the past do not exists and future is not created as only moment of here is real and only this one moment will exist and remain always.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not see and realize that superiority and inferiority is not real, it is just design of the mind as make believe as what is real is in equality and oneness of physical.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to blame those in my past for that what they had done unto me, to blame them for such abuse, manipulation and lies directed towards myself, not seeing and realizing that blame and judgment is the point of separation from myself as others, not seeing and realizing that I became exactly the same as abuser, manipulator and liar and parasite of the life as parasite of physical, and thus it is my responsibility to assist and support everyone possible to stop such behavior and start to live as equals.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to participate on back chats of the mind and by this direct towards others my judgment as point of wanting to separate myself from them and do not want to stand equal and one with them and thus with myself.

Thanks, Juraj

               

Day 121 : Judgment of self makes impossible walk the point

                One specific point I was walking for quite long period of time, was intertwined within and as me almost to all aspects of my life, and at the end of everything, I realized that one dimension related to that point I was never able to forgive to myself, and that was – the judgment of myself that I accepted to participate on such actions even I saw, realized, understood that it is lie and thus self judgment that I accepted to lie to myself and deceived myself, and within this judgment, I was not able to transcend, stop, and make peace within me to this point became my worst struggle in my life, my biggest fall and my biggest deception, just because of specificity of self judgment of myself, but after all, I did.

                It is important, to stop judgment of self, important to see and realize that to judge anything is not the solution but problem. And if judgment comes, thus investigate this, forgive and let go, because judgment is deception.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not investigate each self judgment within and as me and thus remain trapped in and as mind as separated entity as energy demon of self judgment.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not see and realize that judgment of self is deception of self.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to participate in and as mind as self judgments and do not stop, stand up and say – till here no further.

Thanks, Juraj

Day 107 : See the point – Stand the point

                 For one of my fall I started to judge myself, so extensively that I couldn’t even go to sleep, because of this judgment, because of this fall, and I thought for myself I am fine with that point but I was not. As the point has not been walked entirely, thus this fall had to come to see for myself my unconscious point, why everything I did has been cover by this one point, one believe as perception of myself.

                The reason I started to judge myself, is because I started to judge others of that point I stood for, and thus I had to fall to see and realize for myself that I can stand the point for myself only if I will be able to do not judge myself for such point nor others equally.

                The equality of me, must be aligned with equal perception of others, thus if I do not judge myself for anything, thus equally I had to not judge others, because if I do, thus I am separating myself from others as myself and trying to make from myself more than others because of this judgment.

                And because of the judgment, I was not able to see me within the situation and within my fall and the very reason I fall was ingrained within me from my childhood, and thus perception of me and others in such point. Interestingly, every point I was able to see related to this “core” point was just diversion tactics of the mind to do not allow seeing me the very reason, why I behaved in specific ways in relation to money.

                As I realized this point, interestingly, I was shocked because, it was like, wtf? Because of one believe, I was fucking myself for a years, and not seeing for ages what it is why I did what I did.

                But here I see, that each point coming up within me, each thought, each reaction, anything can be utilized for my self support, to see the very core points I created myself as the mind and thus shaped my living according this. And it is worth, because, eventually, once became truly free from dictate of the mind.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to judge myself on the point I want to walk for myself because of fall in this point, instead of see and realize that this fall was inevitable because I didn’t walked the point in its own entirety and thus fall was just matter of time once energy used for such standing deplete and thus I will remain alone with that point not walked completely and thus created within me the friction and judgment of myself because I didn’t understood why I fall.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not see and realize that each point I will decide to walk has to be walked completely and starting point have to be me, as myself here, otherwise the fall is inevitable.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to want to walk the point with energy not seeing and realizing that such action is deception of me as energy will deplete earlier or sooner and I will remain again with such point till I will walked it for real.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not see and realize that to walk the point I have see everything and anything connected to such point, otherwise still will remain something I will delude myself with in such point.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to judge myself because I do not realized earlier my falls and because I desired to stand for the point I started to judge others because I wanted to make from myself more and the one who is able to stand it and that others are losers.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to create within me the inequality of standing as the standing the point has been used to make myself more and thus perceive others as less because the fall, instead of see and realize how I can support myself as others to stand such points also if possible.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not realize that if I do not judge myself for the point thus I have not to judge others because they are me, and if I do so, thus I am separating myself from others and by judgment making from myself more than who I really am, as perception that I am more skilled, more better and more clever than others, not seeing and realizing that I will never be more or less than others, but just equal as who I really am here, equal to me and me equal to others.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not realize that the very judgment is the tool of separation from myself, tool of dishonesty, inequality and abuse, and that I have to do not judge anything and anyone within existence as I am always equal to everything which exists.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to torture, diminish, and be cruel to myself because of such fall and thus torture myself and became lost within and as me because I didn’t saw why I fall, instead of simply slow down myself here, see and realize the points why I fall and utilize such point to release myself from such pattern, to utilize the points to simply allow myself to live me and not the mind, and do not harm myself, torture, diminish or be cruel to me.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to be extremely hard on myself because of such fall, because I desired to stand that point and be this desire to create within me the perception of be a winner as the one who is able to stop to participate on such mind games.

Thanks, Juraj 

Day 64 : I am not good enough

                This judgment and perception of me opened up. The seeing me as a not good enough, as not good enough as a partner, as not good enough as a child, as a son, as a friend, as a living being, as not enough in that what I live in perception, how others could perceive me, girls, mother, etc.

                I even do not know what does mean to be good enough, or what I should be to be good enough. Should I even be something to be good enough? Should I match some criteria for others to be good enough? My mother was never satisfied with me, my brothers the same, I never heard anything from my mother in meaning of her satisfaction with myself, as I see it was impossible to hear those words from her. And in front of girls, it was always the similar points as I am good enough as a male for them? Does they perceive my as enough?

                This judgment of me comes from comparison of myself with other males, as this comparison is about how my body as male body looks, how much money I have or them, which girls they date and me, simply all scenarios I saw during my life time, thus this judgment ingrained within and as me, as being not good enough, but by paradox, this judgment of myself is pure bullshit, as what does that mean to be good enough?

                To be good enough do not exist, as I can be just self honest with me and that’s it.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to judge, perceive myself as not being good enough in front of my mother, in front of my brothers and sister, in front of girls where I compared myself with another males, according shape of my body and their bodies, according money I have and they have, according girls they date and I, and from this create within me the superiority and inferiority polarity, where I perceived and judged myself as not being good enough and thus perceive myself as inferior and others and superior.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to live in polarity of the mind as good and bad, and judge myself and perceive myself as not being good enough, not seeing and realizing that this judgment of not being good enough comes from lack of self trust, where I put my trust into and as my mind to tells me who I am and how I should perceive myself and thus trusting the mind and not myself.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to judge myself and perceive myself as not being good enough as judging myself according the muscles I have and defined myself according the shapes of my body and from this creating within and as me inferiority and perception of not being good enough for girls and I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to judge myself that I am not good enough for my mother, brothers and sister as I do not followed my life according what they expected from myself.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to judge and perceive myself as not being good enough and exist within and as polarity of the mind as good and bad, where I judged myself as bad and that I do not deserve for myself anything just being rejected, laughed and punished.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to torture myself with the judgment of myself as not being good enough, not seeing and realizing that nothing like be good enough or not be good enough do not exist and that this is just judgment of myself coming from comparison and competition I allowed and accepted for myself to live in separation from myself.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to think that I have to follow some expectations from others in regards of how I live, what I live and who and what I am to be good enough for them, not seeing and realizing that living me is not about following anything of this word but just be self honest with myself, equal and one with my body, do not judge myself and do not compare myself to anybody and anything and live me here, as breath and honor the life as me.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to compare myself towards others in separation from myself and thus create within me the judgment of not being good enough, that I do not deserve to be respected, to be seen, and recognized, instead of realizing that it was me who do not respected, seen and recognized myself, thus I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to forget about myself and not see myself and not respect myself in equality of me here.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not see myself as equal to others, to do not recognized myself as equal and one with others, to do not respect myself as equal and one with others.

I commit to myself to stop the judgments of myself, to investigate each judgment I lived and accepted, to forgive myself and stop living the mind.

Thanks, Juraj