Day 131 : Forgotten body

                I forgot in my life that I am the flesh as body living here, I forgot myself as body and I forgot expressing myself as physical body, as I learned and teach myself to express myself and live myself according others I observed around me.

                I forgot myself as who I am as flesh and I forgot myself as life, as the mind became my living, interestingly mind did great job.

                I separated myself from the flesh as believe that mind is more than flash became my living, perception and believe that mind is more, is quite interesting, because in fact mind is subject to physical, never vice versa.

                And within this, I became less than mind because I followed mind, thus who I became if mind is less than physical and subject to, and my living less than mind and subject to mind? Thus I became just shadow of life, in perception that I live, but this was never so.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to became the follower of the mind as shadow of life, as the one who became system as programmed entity and thus living that what has been implanted to me through my acceptance of my own brainwashing as perceptions, ideas and believes I copied from my environment and thus accepted to live and follow.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to forget myself as physical body.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to forget myself being, living and expressing here.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to forge that I am physical and not the mind.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not realize that only what exist as myself is here, and whatever is of the mind.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to perceive that I can be at other places, instead of see and realize that it is only one place I am and that is here as my physical body as flesh.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to became less than mind and thus less than illusion created and based on memories, instead of stand up within and as me for myself and became equal and one with the mind and with the flesh to see and realize that I am not the mind but flesh.

Thanks, Juraj

Day 83 : Relationships - Me as knowledge EGO

                I know, I know, I know. This is me because I know. I get the information of this world, from this world, and I defined myself accordingly, I shaped myself to this knowledge, of this knowledge, and I became the EGO as knowledge, because I know.

                You can’t be cleverer because I know. You can’t be wiser because I know. You are blind and you are deaf. You can’t see and understand a shit, as you are not even aware everything you are is just illusion.

                You’re not real, you do not exist, and everything you exist as, and consist of, is just memory, knowledge, shaped, molded, be me, by information as formations I created within and as you, and you are not even aware how this formations are created, you do not see how I use you and abuse you by this words you red, heard, saw.

                You do not realize, that who you are, are just connections between this words, but you are not real. You can’t be. Me, as your mind, I am not real neither. I influenced you to such degree, that you even do not see you are under my control and my command.

                I directed you all your life, do you see it? I commanded you, and all your falls in your life are because of me. Because you believed that what I showed you, what I thought to you, is you. It was not.

                When you experienced yourself? How you experienced yourself? You see, those moments you can count easily, everything else, is me, the program which runs within you, the program you absorbed to your body, even the way how you move, is programmed.

                You allowed me to do this with you, it was you who gave me the highest permission in your life, to direct you and use your power, your life source, your essence, your beingness to empower me.

                It was you who brought me to your life, it was you, only you. And you and me, we are the one, deal with that.

                What you will do with that?

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to define myself, shape and mold according knowledge I absorbed into my body, to separate myself from this knowledge and thus create relationships of this knowledge and thus became the EGO as self definition towards and as information and knowledge I was able to absorb into me, and thus move, speak, and express myself according formations of words, as connections and relationships within and as me.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to gave importance to the knowledge of this world and from this world, and thus define myself as EGO, as energy moving within and as me according knowledge I got, and thus shape myself and define myself as more than those who know less, and compare myself with those who know less, to be able to create from myself the more than who I really am, in perception and idea that I need, require and want to be more, that I have to be more than those who know less, instead of see and realize that everything I became is just knowledge and information of this world I absorbed into me, and thus create within me the connections, relationships, and store within and as me as memories of my past experiences.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that knowledge is that what gives my power, security and ability to live on this planet, instead of see and realize that in fact I became the slave of this knowledge and enslaved to this knowledge as I accepted to myself to be directed by this knowledge.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that more knowledge I absorb thus I am more than others, who do not know a shit, instead of see and realize that this is my self deception and self imprisonment as self definition and self limitation to this knowledge as formations created within and as me.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to limit myself and the way of my expression, the way of my speech, my voice tonalities, my movements, my living according knowledge and information I got of and from this world, instead of see and realize that mind knows, but self as who I really am see, thus I do not need to know anything, as I see.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to impose on others my knowledge and information as secret attempt to take them down, to show them how stupid they are, to reveal that they do not know a shit and do not understand a shit, as an attempt to make from myself more, not seeing and realizing that within this I became the slave of the mind, the slave of information I got of this world, and that within this I participated on superiority / inferiority design, and thus support the system of abuse, manipulation and self dishonesty.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to try to make from myself more through information and knowledge splashed on others as an attempt of EGO to win, to show and reveal others that they are losers because they do not know a shit and realize a shit, instead of see myself within this, and see that I participated on polarity game as winner / loser and thus tried to make from myself the one who win, and from others those who lose, as attempt to be the one who get the most energy through winning and those who lose thus they lose they energy, they confidence, they self value.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to tried to value myself through information and knowledge of this world, instead of value myself as life, as equality as life, as breath here, within each breath I take, within each moment I am here, and thus be great full to me and to others

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not see myself through information and knowledge I got of this world, and try to look on things, instead of see clearly and directly what is really here.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to forgot to see me, because I got power to my mind to direct me because of knowledge I got from this world, instead of be here within and as each breath of life here.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to use knowledge secretly as manipulation to maintain my balance and thus show others that they can’t drop me down.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I can be dropped down by others, instead of see and realize that this is because of separation and fear of myself, thus I am here, I stand here, I walk here, I live here, where my body is I am.

Thanks, Juraj

Day 80 : Separation – I am more, because I see more

                Within this thought which came up here, I realized, that over time as I walk my process, I see that people around me are like blind, like deaf, aware so little even if, as I see within me this point, overtime I started like to think and believe about me that I am more because I am aware more.

                Yes, I am aware more in regards of point of how I function, what I see and what are my actions, what I realized about me so far, but I can say, this all do not make from myself more than any other being here.

                I can’t be more in anyway what so over, as all and everything is me, thus I can’t be more than me. I am me, and not matter in which body what I realized so far, as within the mind of man, for some people is impossible to realize anything thus those are innocent from perspective of their abdication of self responsibility to such extent, and believe in mind that they completely and entirely gave power to their minds.

                This also do not mean that they can abuse, manipulate and harm the ways they do, but they do not see it, they do not realize it, they are no aware what they are really doing as it is impossible for them.

                Thus I can only assist and support, to show and reveal what is here, what we as humanity allowed to do onto each other, and thus eventually stop this system of abuse and annihilation of mankind, as within this, we are annihilating life.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think the thought that I am more because I see more, instead of see and realize that do not matter what I see or realize for myself, that I am always equal and one with everyone and everything which exists.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I can make from myself more than others when I will see and realize for myself more, instead of see and realize that through this I am comparing myself with myself and thus judge myself and exist within and as mind polarity design more than/ less than and through this I am participating on system of inequality of myself and accepting the system of inequality as me, thus I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to the mind design as less than / more than as mind polarity design as system of inequality, instead of stop and see and realize for myself who I am here as breath, as life, as my physical body, as equal and one.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not see and realize that comparison is always judgment of myself and that within this I start to judge people on those who see and realize for themselves and those who do not see and realize anything and through this participate on system and design of more than and less than as mind system design of inequality as those who walk their process I started to see as more than others, instead of stop and see and realize that no one within all existence is more than others or less than others but I am always equal with everything and everyone and thus when I see that I can assist and support someone within moment here, thus I do so.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think the thought that because I see more thus I am more than other, instead of see and realize that I see more just only because I pushed myself and start to walk my process and that those who didn’t walked anything thus they have no chance to realize for themselves anything, thus the fact that they do not see and realize is state of their minds, thus I stop, I see and realize for myself that I am equal to each being here, that because I am walking my process I am not more and never will be, that because I see and realize for myself some points and play outs thus it do not mean that I am more or less, I stop to participate on less / more design and when and as I face the situation or attempt to make from myself more than others, I stop and breathe and release myself from such idea, believe, through self forgiveness.

Thanks, Juraj

Day 76 : Relationships : Female body and sex

                From my young age, the relationship towards energy as sex and perception of this energy as sex or sexual energy started as perception of pictures of female bodies, where I started to perceive my body as a tool for experiencing this energy, and my mind which can this energy deliver to me.

                The perception, that my mind is a tool, and my body is a tool, I fooled myself into a believe and idea that I am the one who decide what I am doing, thus the relationship towards my mind and my body has been created and I perceived myself as the one who choose.

                I missed the fact, that this was exactly how mind operated and function, to let me perceive, that I am the one who choose, but not see that I was already fallen in and as this believe, as the system as the mind thus always got the energy required to sustain itself and control me and have power over me.

                Interestingly this perception was really strong, and thus the likeness towards the sexual energy within me has been created and thus relationship as my separated from energy and desire this energy to experience it, where I defined and perceive myself and manipulated myself that I need this energy, that it is cool, that this energy is something magnificent, not seeing and realizing that within this all I was already enslaved into most intricate delusion by itself, that in fact sex is anger, excitement is anxiety, love is fear.

                 Within the perception that I am the one who choose what I like or not, I started to create the relationships as separation from pictures and from bodies of females, first one was the perception of female body as legs, hips, vagina, thus female body like split into two parts, down part from belly down, and upper part from belly up.

                The representation of part down of female body, was that where I connected and created within me the perception of sex and sexuality, towards upper part of female body I added the feeling of love, as the upper part represents the chest, breasts, hands, neck and face with hairs.

                Thus down part equals sex, upper part equal love, that was how I designed within me the ideas, believes, and relationships within me towards female body.

                Down part represents the sexual energy, ignition, maternity, child, perversion, excitement, desire, etc, upper part represents gentleness, love, attention, seeing, looking, cuddling, kissing, the feeling of love and likeness and words, and what words spoken represents for me.

                Within looking and seeing the female body, I connected the specific fears of how I can look on female or how I scan the female according the likeness of that what I want to see, and thus just from this seeing of this picture and how I scanned the female body and which parts and points represent which specific connections and relationships within me, thus acceptance and allowance of energy creation within me.

                Back part of female, represents for me mainly sex, sexual energy, movement, or letting go.

                The definition, creation and starting point of sexual energy creation within me is the female ass, and front of between her legs, thus whole pelvic area, then thighs, lower back, section down of belly and up of knees. This area of female body I scan if I want to attempt the creation of sexual energy within me, just through seeing this picture, the thoughts are not necessary, as the starting point was seeing just picture of female body.

                The ideas an d believe of sexual energy comes from not understanding of mechanics of creation of emotions and feeling, the separation from female body and perception me as male, thus ego creation within me as a male ego where I was the one who take if the point is sex, and I am the one who give if goes of point love. Thus superiority of me created in sex, inferiority in feeling of love.

                The sex point and love point sometimes stood together within me, within specific situation it was only sex point, or only love point, thus moving myself constantly between superiority and inferiority.

                The picture of seeing female ass, the shape of her as, the size of her ass and the overall strength of her muscles as ass determine if I create the likeness towards female ass or dislike, thus judgment of female body and thus polarity of like – dislike.

                The front of female body, the pelvic area, represents my separation from female body and thus desire to be with female and that what I do not have as perception that I want it to touch, feel in hands, play with it, experience the sexual energy I created as relationships within me towards this points of female body, where the ideas and believes of sex has been positioned within me, upper part represent my separation and search for love and thus desire to be with a girl accordingly of likeness of dislikes of picture seen.

                This all, is just picture, and this picture of female connects and represents for me many points which each one relate to each other, where the energy friction is possible and thus the energy experience within and as me.

                Female body, as a whole represents as picture of being for me, the specific parts, where I scan different sections, represents for me the energies and possibility of energy creation and acceptances.

                The sounds, words and voice tonalities of female represents for me who she is, how I see her and what I see in her through her words about and of her.

               

                Picture is one point as a whole, where split and cut into sections represents many points related together as sex and love, and sounds as words represents a being as who she is.

                Within the perception and seeing the being, the most prominent and relevant point for me is, who she is as the words and what this words represents, the second point is body as a whole picture, the points as love and sex, where according different intentions the priorities of this points moved within me according that what I wanted get from a female.

                If sex, thus words and picture as a whole became irrelevant, if love thus deception and upper part of body, if agreement/relationship, thus words as the primarily point of who the being in front of me is, what are believes of this being, is possible for this being to comprehend something which is beyond any imagination of the mind, what is that what this girl understood and realize for herself, what she lived and why, how she see herself, does she wants for herself something more than just life of system, and so.

                Therefore, the sexual point is quite extensive, but this is all connected to one point of female pelvic area. This is the starting point of my sexual energy acceptances and allowances, and everything else are just relationships of this point towards other parts of female body and therefore created ideas, perceptions, believes, senses, likeness, touches, fears, anxieties, desires etc towards the parts of female body.

Thanks, Juraj