Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Day 76 : Relationships : Female body and sex

                From my young age, the relationship towards energy as sex and perception of this energy as sex or sexual energy started as perception of pictures of female bodies, where I started to perceive my body as a tool for experiencing this energy, and my mind which can this energy deliver to me.

                The perception, that my mind is a tool, and my body is a tool, I fooled myself into a believe and idea that I am the one who decide what I am doing, thus the relationship towards my mind and my body has been created and I perceived myself as the one who choose.

                I missed the fact, that this was exactly how mind operated and function, to let me perceive, that I am the one who choose, but not see that I was already fallen in and as this believe, as the system as the mind thus always got the energy required to sustain itself and control me and have power over me.

                Interestingly this perception was really strong, and thus the likeness towards the sexual energy within me has been created and thus relationship as my separated from energy and desire this energy to experience it, where I defined and perceive myself and manipulated myself that I need this energy, that it is cool, that this energy is something magnificent, not seeing and realizing that within this all I was already enslaved into most intricate delusion by itself, that in fact sex is anger, excitement is anxiety, love is fear.

                 Within the perception that I am the one who choose what I like or not, I started to create the relationships as separation from pictures and from bodies of females, first one was the perception of female body as legs, hips, vagina, thus female body like split into two parts, down part from belly down, and upper part from belly up.

                The representation of part down of female body, was that where I connected and created within me the perception of sex and sexuality, towards upper part of female body I added the feeling of love, as the upper part represents the chest, breasts, hands, neck and face with hairs.

                Thus down part equals sex, upper part equal love, that was how I designed within me the ideas, believes, and relationships within me towards female body.

                Down part represents the sexual energy, ignition, maternity, child, perversion, excitement, desire, etc, upper part represents gentleness, love, attention, seeing, looking, cuddling, kissing, the feeling of love and likeness and words, and what words spoken represents for me.

                Within looking and seeing the female body, I connected the specific fears of how I can look on female or how I scan the female according the likeness of that what I want to see, and thus just from this seeing of this picture and how I scanned the female body and which parts and points represent which specific connections and relationships within me, thus acceptance and allowance of energy creation within me.

                Back part of female, represents for me mainly sex, sexual energy, movement, or letting go.

                The definition, creation and starting point of sexual energy creation within me is the female ass, and front of between her legs, thus whole pelvic area, then thighs, lower back, section down of belly and up of knees. This area of female body I scan if I want to attempt the creation of sexual energy within me, just through seeing this picture, the thoughts are not necessary, as the starting point was seeing just picture of female body.

                The ideas an d believe of sexual energy comes from not understanding of mechanics of creation of emotions and feeling, the separation from female body and perception me as male, thus ego creation within me as a male ego where I was the one who take if the point is sex, and I am the one who give if goes of point love. Thus superiority of me created in sex, inferiority in feeling of love.

                The sex point and love point sometimes stood together within me, within specific situation it was only sex point, or only love point, thus moving myself constantly between superiority and inferiority.

                The picture of seeing female ass, the shape of her as, the size of her ass and the overall strength of her muscles as ass determine if I create the likeness towards female ass or dislike, thus judgment of female body and thus polarity of like – dislike.

                The front of female body, the pelvic area, represents my separation from female body and thus desire to be with female and that what I do not have as perception that I want it to touch, feel in hands, play with it, experience the sexual energy I created as relationships within me towards this points of female body, where the ideas and believes of sex has been positioned within me, upper part represent my separation and search for love and thus desire to be with a girl accordingly of likeness of dislikes of picture seen.

                This all, is just picture, and this picture of female connects and represents for me many points which each one relate to each other, where the energy friction is possible and thus the energy experience within and as me.

                Female body, as a whole represents as picture of being for me, the specific parts, where I scan different sections, represents for me the energies and possibility of energy creation and acceptances.

                The sounds, words and voice tonalities of female represents for me who she is, how I see her and what I see in her through her words about and of her.
                Picture is one point as a whole, where split and cut into sections represents many points related together as sex and love, and sounds as words represents a being as who she is.

                Within the perception and seeing the being, the most prominent and relevant point for me is, who she is as the words and what this words represents, the second point is body as a whole picture, the points as love and sex, where according different intentions the priorities of this points moved within me according that what I wanted get from a female.

                If sex, thus words and picture as a whole became irrelevant, if love thus deception and upper part of body, if agreement/relationship, thus words as the primarily point of who the being in front of me is, what are believes of this being, is possible for this being to comprehend something which is beyond any imagination of the mind, what is that what this girl understood and realize for herself, what she lived and why, how she see herself, does she wants for herself something more than just life of system, and so.

                Therefore, the sexual point is quite extensive, but this is all connected to one point of female pelvic area. This is the starting point of my sexual energy acceptances and allowances, and everything else are just relationships of this point towards other parts of female body and therefore created ideas, perceptions, believes, senses, likeness, touches, fears, anxieties, desires etc towards the parts of female body.

Thanks, Juraj 

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