Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Day 66 : If I think – I am fucked

                The moments I started first time to try stop my thoughts, it came to me like not possible, hard, I was even not able to comprehend, that human being can function without thinking, move without thoughts, act, speak, express and live without presence of thoughts within mind.

                But yes, it is possible, it is possible to live and have silence in the mind, not thoughts present, no reactions, just breathe and speak.

                I am far away from the point where absolute silence of me as me I live, but I’ll get there. The moments in my life, which I enjoy, really enjoy and like, are those when no thoughts, no energies, no movements of energies I experience, just me, walking here around, in environment I am in, and I just am. The moments I enjoy most are moments of silence in my mind.

                In moments when thoughts came up, and I start to participate on that thought, immediately I experience some kind of energy, I am aware of it and thus I have to stop that energy, thus it is useless, to participate on thinking and then stop energy, it is easier to stop thinking, to do not participate on it, to do not give attention to it, to do not charge thoughts with energies.

                The specific patterns which occur within me, are those where I put the most energy thus this thoughts have tendency to come back over and over, till I remove all energies related to that thought, to eventually really and for real remove that thought and stop it, stop energy experienced related to that thought and finally silence my mind.

                The most energy I put into are those ones, which the most reflect my desires, or needs, wishes, as that what I want for myself as positive, as that what I like or as that what I would like to live, to have, to enjoy, and it is just experience of energy related to those desires or wishes.

                Sometimes, occur within me the point of blaming myself for participating on thoughts and “self-speak” known as back chat, as I always see how useless it is, but sometimes it is like late to stop as I already participated on that. Always, I am using this as a support for myself, to see where I fucked myself, how and why, to be able to see and the points directly , to do not have to go through all stuff again, as really, it is please to solve the point I am facing and go on and let go.

                It is the biggest pleasure for myself, to see what I allowed, to see how and why, what I lived, to release myself and allow myself to go on, as the past is past and thus past have to go.

                Sooner of later, each one of use will have face the point to have let go everything ones allowed and accepted, it is really better to stand up sooner like later. You decide.

Thanks, Juraj

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