Thursday, September 20, 2012

Day 72 : Relationship : Energy as Love – Love as delusion


                Within acceptance and allowance of ideas and believes of love as energy feelings within me, I deluded myself many times, sometimes to such degree, that I thought that when I will lose this “love” thus I will die.

                As I accepted to separate myself from each parts of me I consist of and exist as, thus I started to relate to parts of me I separated myself from according judgment and brainwashing of society and thus desire to be in relationship and feel and experience this love, as energy, as feeling, as many times in my life I tried to find answers what it is what I experience and why, but with no success thus I really believed that I loved girls I dated with, and thus I presented them each lies possible and each deception of myself I lived to sustain and maintain this feeling of love within me.

                True of me is, that I never loved any girl I dated with, as it was impossible, as it was just my energy created within me and likeness created towards this energy which has nothing to do with real love. How I could love anybody that times, when I was not able to comprehend just any single thought within me and any energy experience I lived, it was simply not possible.

                It is impossible to love someone, if separation exists, as love, real true love, is equality.

                Equality is love, true love of self towards self and each parts of self, where each parts are considered equally.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that love is energy experience and likeness of this energy within and as me and that I need this energy and that I require this energy, instead of seeing and realizing for myself that because I separated from myself through fear of me thus I started to relate to me and desire me and thus think and believe that energy I created within and as me through acceptance and allowance of separation and fear is love, and that this likeness within me of this energy is love towards other being, instead of seeing and realizing that it was deception of me, deception and lie of me, instead of seeing and realizing that love is equality of me as considerations each parts of me equally and thus taking attention to all parts of me equally.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to separate myself from myself and from my body as physical and thus think and believe that I need and require love, instead of loving me, loving each parts of me as who I am as physical, as breath of life here, instead of each moment enjoy me and the presence of me here, instead of love me unconditionally as everything what I exist as and consist of as life.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to separate myself from female gender, from males, from nature, from animal kingdom, from physical, from everything and everyone here and through acceptance and allowance of this separation start to relate to each parts of me I thought and believed are not me, and thus start to desire to be with me through feeling of love, to live with other as female because of wanting and desiring this energy experience of love created and accepted through ideas and believes about love as energy feeling and likeness towards female, instead of love me and fulfill me and my body as life here, instead of love myself equal and everything I exist as and consist of as physical, as breath of life here.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to separate myself from myself through fear of sound, through fear of words, through fear of noise and through judgment of sound, and thus separate myself from myself as living word as sound and thus think and believe that it is impossible that I am sound, that it is impossible that I am words I speak, and rather turn into illusion of mind as ideas and believes and projections what I could possibly be, instead of seeing and realizing that I am not thoughts within and as my mind, that I am not illusions, projections, ideas, believes about me, instead of seeing and realizing that I am here, as physical as sound as silence of me as me, as life.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to separate from myself and from the words I speak through fear of me and thus start to abuse my words, start to relate and judge with me words, start to live hidden within and as my mind as thoughts, ideas and believes about me, instead of seeing and realizing that I am here as physical, as my body which is always here, as word as sound as life.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to separate from myself and thus desire to be loved and desire to love, instead of love myself as equal and one as everything is exists as physical and thus live me here as expression of love as me.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to separate from myself through fear and idea and believe that I need to find myself and that I need to find my lost second part, and that I need and require to be loved, instead of see and realize that I am here, one and complete, instead of love myself and fulfill myself as completion of me as life, as expression of me as life as love as who I am here as sound.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to limit myself and my expression of me as life as love through separation from myself, through fear of myself, through relationships towards me created and accepted within my mind, instead of see and realize that limitation is of the mind, as mind is limited, instead of realize that limitation is fear, that limitation is illusion and that I am not limitation and that I am not mind, instead of see and realize that I am limitless as expression of me as sound.

Thanks, Juraj


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