Saturday, September 8, 2012

Day 63 : Fear of sex – Fear of being abused


                Interestingly, as I see, the sex based on energy is just abuse of me and abuse of other just for the sake of fulfilling energy requirements, where physical is not seen, not recognized, just this mind projections, ideas, desires are in place of me and of other, where the bodies are not expressing themselves but are used as a tool to build up energy and then released.

                Overtime, I developed the fear as a fear of being abused just for the sake of getting this energy by another and then thrown away. As I do not want to be used just as a tool or puppet, for anyone, as it is bullshit.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to fear sex and experience sex as a fear of being abused or used just as a tool for fulfilling ones energy needs.

                I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to limit myself with and as a fear of being abused in sex, for sex, instead of seeing and realizing that this fear is not real, as this fear is energy experience I am holding myself into and within this I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to think and believe that fear of sex and having sex where I would be used as a tool or puppet for fulfilling ones need will protect me from being abused instead of living me here, expressing myself here with and as breath.

                I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to think and believe that fear is necessary as protection of myself of being abused for sex and thus hold myself back and hide.

                I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to not see and realize that through very accepting and living in fear of being abused I am creating within me the opposite polarity of this as sexual energy and sexual excitement where I will need to release this energy from my body and thus I will abuse myself and my body for this release with and as the mind not seeing and realizing that by fearing of being abused I am creating exactly this abuse of myself and thus abusing my body.

                I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to live, create and accept the fear of being abused and through this create the abuse of myself as opposite polarity of fear I allowed and accepted to myself to live.

                I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to fear that I would abuse another just for fulfilling my energy needs and requirements as a ideas and believes about sex and what sex should be, instead of expressing myself here, without any projection, idea and believe, without any fear just me here living and expressing myself.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to fear that within my expression I would be dishonest with myself and want to touch, kiss, embrace other just for creating within me the positive energy as sexual energy not seeing and realizing that exactly through this fear I am creating it.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to connect to my body, my actions, and my expression the fear of being abused and fear of abuse of another, not seeing and realizing that within and as accepting this fears I am creating exactly same abuse of another and myself I feared.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to think and believe that fear is necessary component to move myself accordingly within this world, that fear is necessary for myself to do not abuse another instead of seeing and realizing that fear is illusion of the mind how to keep myself enslaved, instead of seeing and realizing that self honesty is what is required to move, to act, and express myself here and not fear.

Thanks, Juraj 


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