Day 91 : Resistance

                Last few days, I am like experiencing resistance to writing, in context, I have to push myself a bit more to write. Most of the days I write easily, like making time for myself to write, but last few, like more and more resistance is coming, not much, but I see it is resistance.

                Question is, why I should resist writing? I should not resist writing, it is not me who is resisting writing, I like it, it is the mind providing this sense to me, as I see that within this as I push myself thus mind is weaker and weaker and eventually, in years to come, will have not power over me at all.

                How much years will be needed, will be determined by my ability to push through all resistances of the mind as attempt to manipulate me.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to believe that resistance to writing is real and that within this I have no point to write about, as I see and realize that each day many points I face emerge and thus I can write about.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to believe that resistance is me not wanting to write, instead of see and realize that this is just attempt of my mind to keep me away from facing myself.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think that resistance is possibly of point of resolved issues and points, instead of realize that I am far away from the point of something as my process walked or being done with, thus I push myself to write, to face me to see everything I defined myself into and as.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to believe that if I do not want to write or that I do not want to push myself to write thus that it have to be me and my decision, instead of see and realize that it is manipulation of the mind as resistance to face me as my acceptances and allowances.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that it is possible to resist to do something, instead of actually doing as expression of me here.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to give power to my mind to create resistances to face myself and thus follow this resistances, instead of push myself constantly and continuously.

Thanks, Juraj

What is a challenge?

                So far, what I found most challenging in my process is, to be aware each breath, and do not allow any thought, emotion, feeling or reaction for 21 days.

                I fall in this many, many times. I started many, many times.

                It is a challenge, real one.

Thanks, Juraj

What I see

             I see a lot of work which is in front of me, this is placed in time line and previously, I wanted to skip some steps, not possible. Each one must to go one by one, precisely.  I see only one way and other ways are not possible. I cannot skip what needs to be done as first, as if I would so step ahead will be not stable - Stability, consistency.
 

I see my past, what I’ve done, it is what it is. It is done. It is no more here, just memories and those memories are not real, even if I speak, each one understand differently, each one see it from his/hers own perspective. Because they miss the fact, that everything they experience, they create and it has nothing to do what is outside of them.

Except of those which are walking their process, they understand and they see, they look into themselves and they see how they created and what they created.

So I am alone. I am not lonely. I am alone as I am here, but this is not feeling of loneliness. I am fine with me, I am okey with me, I like me and I love me.

I do not experience desire to be loved, as I love myself,  therefore the illusion of necessity to be loved by someone else outside of me is gone. It is like, what I have been searching outside of me, I found in me, I found myself. I am with me, within me. I value myself and I see my worth within me, I am not more or less.

I do not search anymore.

I do not close my eyes in front of my world, I do not close my eyes in front of world I see.

What I see is what needs to be fixed. I see the world full of liars, hiders, abusers, killers, rapists, stealers, I could continue. I am not saying this as judgment of what I see, as it is not bad or good, it is what it is. I am responsible for this creation.

And because of what is the world as it is? Because of illusion of self experience in regards of energy which moves within each human body.  Because what humans experience, they believe they experience themselves, but it is not. It is just self definition to specific energy movement, energy creation through act of thinking and participating on.

Isn’t it strange, to live self definition? I used to do it also. For example:

To see something or someone, compare and from that comparison create judgment of myself bad/good. From that judgment, create justifications and excuses why I act the way I act, or why I think what I think. From that acting create self delusion and self guilt, anger, sorrow, love, misinterpretation. Because of that, and not able to handle it, so I suppressed and let it be suppressed and pretend I am ok and smile with others on the same bullshits in never ending circles of self deception.

Because of what? Because of believed experience of myself towards energy movement within me, without any understanding that it is me who creates this energy. And so I created some energy movement, that movement defined as love/sadness/loneliness/anger/fear etc, and from that definition I created my self experience towards it and believed that I experience myself because of some outside stimuli, but without complete forgotten fact, that it is me who created all of this, and nothing of this was real.

Can be something more ridiculous as this? How come that we are completely deluding ourselves, in believes and ideas, it is vast.

Try it for yourself – stop energy within you, and you will see.

Thanks, Juraj

Ego as mind - Breath as life

                I was wrong in my life many times, and wanted to be right. Wanted to win and prove to myself that I am right, that what I do, speak, in what I participate is me and that I am right.

                This was not me, this was living and walking my Ego, where the mind defend itself, own position within the system through various aspects, mostly linked to backchat which is silent but I heard it.

                The arguing, the fight, the statements, many times I heard and many times I followed and I allowed to myself be blinded and not to see what is here. Any thought which I allowed, had consequences in my life. I thought before that thoughts do not have effect, that I can thought what I wish to and dream what I want to dream, etc, I trapped myself, by my own thoughts into living something which is not me.

                Each one thought has consequences, each one is illusion, and each one thought is not of life. Interestingly, ego plays mayor role in it, when I thought and believed that I am that what is trying to defend the position within me, I believed that ego is me, it is not.

                I tried during the conversation to do not allow any thought which could trigger my backchat, interestingly this was cool as I was able to see how much times I trapped myself into backchating within me, arguing, ach, and for what? For my ego, which is not real, because if I do not allow it, it do not exist, any speech within is simple not real.

                It is so simple, anything which pops up in the mind, simply is not real. And has nothing to do with reality.

                The breathing is assisting amazingly, to stop and let go, to walk what needs to be walked, now I see, that each time I am not aware of my breath so that each very moment I am illusion and not real.

                This is process to walk to be breath as expression of life, stable and clear without anything which could deceive, delude, and compromise.

                The breath is stability, the breath is clarity, the breath is real, the breath allows seeing and the breath allows living.

                Be the breath, be the life. Walk the process of breath as life.

Thanks, Juraj