Day 19 : Me as My father

                You are as your body, that what was real on your dead for quite some years, you as a system still live multiplied in your children.

                You live in me as I copied what you have became and you are rotten in my cells, in my veins, in me as me you as that what you presented to me and what I saw in you.

                I placed you as the statute, as the authority in front of me and I created likeness within me towards you, I allowed and accepted you as me, your behavior I copied and I placed you as my god.

                Your mannerism, your speech, I admired you as my father, as my god and I trusted you within innocence of children, I took for granted your words and even what you believed I tried to copy and follow your believes, I placed my trust to you and I followed.

                You said there is a god and that god is love. Bud you dare to acted the way as direct opposite of love. How dared you to even spoke one word of love to your child, when your actions was so different?

 I found there is no god and I found there is no love, even here on earth love is bullshit spoken be people in absolute deception of themselves, as they have no idea what they speak as you had no idea what you spoken.

You loved your god, you loved your illusion of god more than your family, you loved your deception more than your children and more than you woman. Isn’t that quite great perversion? To speak about love in absolute self deception and “ love “ own illusions more than what is real as flesh, as life as that what stand in front of you and look upon you?

You dared to teach your children, and you dared to insert your believes into them, you dared to destroy innocence of them just for sake of following your own illusions. By paradox, you was absolutely innocent in this as your children as you have no idea what you speak and why you speak and why you act the way you acted. You was just system, programmed to follow as everybody else, programmed to follow the mind.

I created within me the likeness towards you, as you was the one who I was looking upon, but I saw that the way you acted was unacceptable, I was not able to stand up to you as I was just a child, thus I suppressed within me everything I allowed and accepted to copy from you and I decided to act and live as opposite of you.

By paradox I became the same system as you as I was not aware why I act the way I act, why I speak what I speak and why my believes, desires, needs direct me. I just became the polarity of you, what I saw in you as bullshit and empty words. I became you just as a opposite of you thus you lived in me as me as that what I copied from you into me as me.

Thus I didn’t lived me, I lived just you as opposite, everything programmed within my flesh as automation to live differently. The illusion of different living, as I do not lived me as who I really am, I wanted to prove to women that man can be gentle, can be respectful towards them, can hear them and help them, and never harm them, but anyway it was not me as living flesh but just programmed opposite of you. In my flesh is stored who you was, in my mind is all of you, everything you became and allowed, I saw you within me and everything of that what I saw as unacceptable, I wanted to live as opposite of you, to live differently and wanted to prove that male is able to be good partner but all of that was not me as who I really am.

You continued to live within me as me as I liked you, but I dare to stand up and I dare to let you die as I dare to let die everything I copied from you thus I dare to die me as a programmed opposite of you. I dare to let die me and you as one as we both became the same system, and I am not respectful to the system as system is not life as system can’t be life as life is that what is free and system that which want to imprison the life.

I dare to stand up for life and let go that what is just program and illusion, as I realized that it is not real and not worth to live, thus I dare to let go the past and everything I created within me as reflection of you is going to cease to exist, nothing of you and me as opposite polarity will remain.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to separate myself from my father through placing him as more than me and looking upon him as my god.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to fear my father in moments he raised his voice and became angry.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to copy into me the mannerism of my father.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like my father and positively charge the way how he behaved as I place him as more than me.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to think and believe that my father was more than me and that I have to follow his word and his believes.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to take for granted the words my father said and believed his words.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to act as a opposite of my father as a polarity of the mind as wanting to prove that male can behave towards woman differently than my father.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to live polarity of the mind as bad and good where that what I perceived as bad I copied from father through likeness towards him and suppress within me and wanting to act as good as polarity of him.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to judge my father and judge his behavior towards my mother and the females as bad.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to judge the words and actions of my father spoken as bad when he became angry and when he became violent and harmful and thus create within me the opposite personality of him and wanting to act and live as polarity of him.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to admire my father and look upon him as the one who is more than me and the one whose words are true and must be respected as authority thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to think and believe that my father was more than me through accepted believe that he as a authority must be respected.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to positively charge the behavior of my father and create within me positive charge towards him as authority and statute in front of me and think and believe that it is right to live as he live and do not question his words for myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to create within me the relationship towards my father and through this relationship copy his believes into me and his behavior as my pattern.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to pattern my living according my father because of likeness towards him and wanted to live differently thus create within me the opposite character of my father as want and desire to prove to myself that I live differently, instead of realizing that this is just opposite polarity of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to wanting to prove to myself that I live differently as my father by creating opposite character of him and thus believe that I live differently.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to want to prove to myself that male can behave differently towards women as my father and thus create the opposite character of him.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to blame my father for his behavior towards my mother and did not stand up.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to negatively charge the behavior of my father towards my mother and suppress this within me and I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to negatively charge the behavior of my father when he started to scream, be harmful towards me , my mother or my siblings and suppress this negative charge towards him and from this create the opposite character for myself as want and desire to prove to myself that male can behave differently towards female because of blaming and judging my father for his behavior as bad and negative and thus wanting to act and live as positive and good.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to think and believe that I have to follow the words of my father because of believe that he is more than me and thus his words must be true.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to believe that when I create within me opposite character of my father thus I will prove that I live differently than him instead of realizing that it is just polarity of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not see and realize that through creation of opposite character than my father I am living the mind and not myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not see and realize that through living the character as opposite than my father I am not living myself as who I am as life but just following polarity of the mind.

Thanks, Juraj