Day 11 : I do not want to be example – I am separated

                 I want to live, I want to be, I want to explore and be here. I do not want to prove anybody anything, I do not want to be example for anybody and anyone in any means, I just want to live.

                I separated from you, and I see what you are doing but as I separated myself from you I do not care. I look on me, I look within me, and I do not care how fucked your life is.

                I do not care your worries and your problems you created, I do not care you misunderstandings and I do not care your inner conflicts, why should I? You created it, you have to solve it.

                I do not want to show you what I live and how I live and why I live what I live. I do not want to stand for you as example as I do not want you to follow me, and I do not want to stand as you, as I fall in my life so many times that to stand up for me, and say No – I will live differently, was/is like to take all powers I have and thus direct my life and give up that why I fall as I see it served me for nothing. I realized, I had to fall.

                I had to fall and be smashed down by life, to see what I have allowed and accepted towards life, and I started to judge myself. To judge as I am not worthy anymore to be life, thus do not follow me as what I did is beyond imagination.

                I accepted and allowed most bizarre things, you would be scared to the depths of your being if you would be able to see it as I see. And I didn’t want to show you as I judged myself as not worthy anymore to be life, after that what I did.

                Can I be worthy to be life? Am I life? Can I be life in its purity and innocence after everything I did towards life?

                I started torture myself and punish, as revenge towards me what I did, as revenge what I accepted and allowed, and within this, I realized I am torturing life.

                In very allowance of punishment and torture, to exist or even be as and idea, I am allowing to torture life in the most possible scenarios and manifestation possible, thus I stop.

                I stop to punish me and I stop to torture me and I stop the guilt and I stop the judgment and I stop the judgment of myself through the very question – How come I allowed this all?

                I did because I separated myself from you, I separated myself from myself and thus I was blind and I was not able to see what I am doing, I was not able to see myself as life and thus I honored illusions and ideas and believes about me, not seeing in simplicity who I really am.

                Not seeing the most simple thing ever I could see – that all life is me.

                I didn’t want to see what I am allowing and accepting towards me as life, thus I rather separated myself from everything and everyone into an illusions of my mind to be able to even breathe, as what I see when I look beyond my own illusions is horror.

                It is a horror and hell, true hell is here. True horror is the living I allowed and accepted to myself to be done towards me as life.

                I am here, and I stand up for life as I stand up for myself – till here no further. Let’s make this done – I stand up and I am example and I’ll show and I’ll reveal everything what has been allowed and accepted to be done towards life.

                Through me you will see as you are me.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not want to see what I have done.

 I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not want to see that all life is me.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not want to see what I have allowed and accepted to be done towards life as me.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not value myself as life and want to torture and punish myself for that what I have allowed and accepted to be done towards me as life.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to separate myself from everyone and everything in believing that once I am separated and hidden in my illusions about me thus I will have not to face what I allowed and accepted to myself as life.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not want to see me in others as life in believing that when I will deny who I really am thus I will not have to face what I have allowed and accepted to myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to separate myself from nature and animal kingdom in believing that through this separation I will be able to live my life according illusions what I created about myself for myself as protection to not see what I am allowing towards me as life.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to deceive myself to such extent as protection to do not see me as life and value myself as life and thus believe that I can live my illusion and do not have to do anything.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to separate myself from myself as protection to do not see what I am doing and allowing.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to hide into a illusions in my mind about myself as protection to do not have to see what I am allowing to be done towards me as life.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to create within me the polarity as the mind as more than/less then to have excuses and validations of my illusions and as reasons why I can remain separated in my mind/as my mind and do not stand up for life as for who I really am.

I commit myself to investigate each point I separated myself from myself and stand as an example of who I really am as life and what has been allowed and accepted towards life.

Thanks, Juraj