Friday, July 20, 2012

Day 23 : Fear of change – Let go and change


                Next point as fear I am facing, is fear of change, I see lot of times I denied this fear or was not aware that this energy experience is this specific fear, interestingly it is here right after fear of unknown, thus fears by itself as quite interlinked.

                Why I fear to change? This is quite interesting because I am aware that I can change and I proved to myself within lot of points that I changed thus those changes was beneficial, it was not “tragedy” to push myself and simply let go.

                Here this fear is linked on very specific issue as postponement, procrastination, laziness, thus energy polarity of positive and negative together with my working on my 8th assignment, I am lax, I do not want to go into specificity of the points I am working on, I resist to go to really very details of it, I am aware I can do it, but I do not want.

                I built up within me quite strong resist to go really to very specific details within self forgiveness, as I see that within this I’ll change and I am not aware who I will be.

                It is ego point, where I see that within this I will have to push myself and stop and let go part of my personality/character as energy play out of positive/negative through postponement, procrastination, laziness, not wanting to work on that into details as perfection and thus resist to work on myself, look and see within me where and how I can work with me to release myself from patterns which serve me for nothing, but from certain perspective I like it as this brought me this illusion of security within my mind creation of this persona/character.

                Why to fear to change the points I am facing? Why to fear to work really with discipline and self-commitment, why to fear something, as this fear by itself is just illusion? Why to fear as this fear is just energy produced and stored within me, thus why not to release myself from this energy? It would be maybe the coolest thing I can do for myself.

                Did I created even likeness towards fear as energy experience within me? Did I like to fear? Did I like to remain trapped within illusions of mind as mind by itself is illusion, thus fuck the fear is bigger illusion than the mind. Can be some illusion bigger and some smaller? Depends, as I see, how much I defined myself into it, became one with that illusion, and thus live that illusion. Thus who I am?

                Illusion. Thus stop it , get rid of it, and became real. Living in fear is not real living, it is just character, mirage, it is not who I really am as I am life here.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to fear to change.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to fear to change as fear of who I will be when I will change.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to fear to step out of fearful persona/character of change.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to think and believe that energy experience as fear of change is real experience of me, and thus feeding my mind to keep me trapped within my own creation as fear of change.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not allow to myself to work on self forgiveness into details and ensure that I am satisfied with my self forgiveness as point of my self perfection.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to fear to change and change into perfection.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to fear to be disciplined within my application of self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to feat to change the persona/character as fear of change as I created likeness towards energy experience of the mind as fear not realizing that within this very allowance and acceptance I am remaining trapped within and as illusion of the mind as fear.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to limit myself with energy experience as fear of change and fear of unknown and thus do not apply self forgiveness into details as I see and realize that I can do it.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to limit my writings and my self forgiveness within and as fear of change and thus allowing within me back doors why I can step back and remain as character/persona living in my mind not realizing that within this I am allowing and accepting self sabotage of my process and my walking of my application and my standing up and thus compromise myself and within this compromise others.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to live and became fear of change character and persona and through this energy experience and likeness of this energy not considering others, their time, their application and thus postponing and procrastinating that what I can simply do thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to create within me resistance to apply self forgiveness into specificity and details as open back door within me and excuse why I can remain trapped within and as mind and thus compromise my application of self forgiveness and through this compromise others and just prolonging my process instead of simply standing up, be with and as breath here and do what I have to do which I see and realize I have to work on as and within my application and walking and thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to compromise my standing for life and through this giving power to my mind to keep me trapped within illusion of fear and thus giving my mind power to distract and abuse, instead of realizing that life is the only value.


Thanks, Juraj


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