Day 16 : Manipulation – Extreme self deception

                I liked to manipulate. I loved it. I desired it. I became it. I separated from others, like all my being, the desire to manipulate and prove to myself that I am capable of.

                Use everything which I could. No shame and regret. No guilt and no sorrow. Directly, aware what I am doing. Aware of my words are fake and aware that my actions are just for sake of manipulation.

                This desire to manipulate and this believe that I can manipulate matter, I fucked myself for quite some time with this, because I manipulated myself actually into such believe and from believe the desire has been born and within this I fucked myself extensively.

                From this desire and believe, I created within me the perception that I am more than others and more than matter, thus I just accumulated fuck ups within me about me.

                I lived it. Matter showed me. I have no power over matter in anyway whatsoever. It can’t be. Mater is consistent and constant here, I am not. So who is fucked? It is not matter.

                I stop. I stop manipulate myself. I stop and I stand up, I will not allow myself to manipulate myself. I do not allow. I do not allow my words be spoken in sake of manipulation.

                I do not allow my actions in sake of manipulation. I can stop it and I stopped. I proved this to me. No matter how big this desire was, I see it within me and what I created. To myself.

                My words are not spoken and will be not, in intensions to manipulate. It is simple, so simple.

                Decide, and live it. This is simplicity of direction. Make decision, live decision.

                Maybe I will find about myself points where I would like to manipulate which I am not aware, I get rid of them and I stop. This is my commitment to myself for myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to manipulate myself through separation myself from myself into a believe that I can manipulate matter and from this create the desire to manipulate matter and others and thus create the perception that I am more than others and get energy from this perception and blind myself with this believe so extensively that I became this desire and lived this desire thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to became the desire of the mind instead of realizing that I am nothing of this.

Thanks, Juraj