When I started to use self-forgiveness
towards myself, as this understanding within me that I am the one who has to
forgive myself, where this understanding originate back into the past, when I
was child, I had quite a struggle within me and even effectiveness of this act
has been some time really questionable, despite the fact that I was writing,
speaking, walking and attempting to push myself through resistances of my mind
as myself.
Why, is because of a concept,
what this word means, what this word stands for, what this word represents and
how I see this word, specifically because of English variation and thus meaning
connected to it, where meaning in my mother language is quite different, yet still
the same. Point is, another point of view.
In Slovak language, here this word is
translated as a word, “Odpustam”. Which, if I would translate back into an
English as a meaning of a word, “Odpustam”, this would literally mean – I am
letting go. When I was using English variation, when I started to forgive
myself, as this sentence:
“I forgive
to myself that I have accepted and allowed”…, this for me mostly represented something
as an act of giving to myself, but how could I possibly give anything to
myself, when I was not able to see as how I gave anything away from myself, at
first place.
When I started to use Slovak
variation, this would sounds and means more like this: “I am letting go that I
have accepted and allowed to myself” … and the letting go, would stand literally
within and as moment, where I hold something, or hold myself in and as
something, you can imagine that for example as a situation in life, this would
be: I hold something in my hands, for example a thought, a believe, a cup, or a
chair, do not matter if physical object or that which is of the mind, but act
of letting go, this would mean, that I am holding this cup in my hands, and I
am letting go this cup and I do not longer hold this cup in my hands, I am and
here in this moment, placing this cup with my hands on the table or flor but it
is not me who is holding this cup anymore.
Thus, act of self-forgiveness,
for me would be would be as follows: I am holding in my hands a thought, or a
judgement, that for example by neighbor is and idiot, and I hold this judgement
in my hands, and I am taking this judgement from myself because I saw it within
my mind and thus I am aware of this judgement and thus I cannot longer ignore
it, that this is part of myself, thus I am taking it from myself and letting go
this judgement with my hands, in this context, and I do not longer hold this
judgement within me, because I let it go, I placed it away from myself, and
this judgement is no longer with me, in me as me, because I placed it away from
myself, and thus I do not longer hold it.
So in and as act of self-forgiveness,
I started to use Slovak variation, sometime with combination with English language,
but beginning always in Slovak, because I wanted to see what is within me,
recognize and acknowledge the point which I am going to let go, and really let
it go, thus forgive to myself.
Within and as self-forgiveness,
and letting go, and by letting go, thus I am giving myself the power and
authority over myself, I am taking literally this away from my mind, and by letting
go, I am becoming authority and the one who stand as power of myself over me,
and not accepting and allowing myself no longer take this judgement back with
my hands into myself, because I simply let it go.
If point had multiple dimensions,
if 5 or 10 or 500, do not matter, I had to see with how much “ hands “ I am
holding this point within me, and by act of forgiving, I am letting go this
point from “ all hands “ I found this point I have been holding within and as myself
into.
So, for me, self-forgiveness
became the point letting go and at the same act giving power back to myself as
where my power really belongs. Through this act, I was able to start to see,
how I was giving my power to my mind at first place, and how I was taking this
power away from my mind.
If you would read my blog, all my
articles, and if you would read all self-forgiveness, which I published, this
would be just a tiny fraction, maybe 1 percent or even less, in context of
self-forgiveness I walked for myself, because of following:
Many times, when I realized some
point within my mind, and start to apply self-forgiveness, I started to see
mechanics directly within and as reality I am in, or from past, or from past
lives, and I started to walk, around the house I live in, or I started to walk in
the city, or river, or nature, and speaking self-forgiveness to myself as
myself. After certain period of time, more likely years, I started to see more
and more or deeper and deeper into myself, some self-forgiveness was about
several dimension, some about more, but there was and situations, where I was
walking hours and hours and hours, and forgiving myself all dimensions related
to the original point as all dimensions I was starting to see and uncover, as one
point is always leading to another, I couldn’t simply let anything related to
the point I started with, remain within me, unforgiven.
This can be imagined like this: Point
with one dimension, is one cup, which I held within me and with my hands. Point
with 500 dimensions, is like holding 500 cups within me. So, I had to see how I
was holding these 500 hundred cups within me, and thus be able to let go and
forgive the point in its entirety.
After certain period of time, years,
when I walked many points within me and when I let go many of them, each time,
when another one I revealed within myself, and became aware of it, I simply couldn’t
let this point be part of myself, because I was able to clearly see, that this
is of the mind, and I simply didn’t wanted this point to be part of myself
anymore, I do not wanted this point to have power over myself, and I couldn’t
let my mind have the authority over me in this point any longer, so I had to release
myself and let go.
But here another point revealed,
that sometimes, the origin point I started with, has been leading toward so
many “cups” that even after hours and hours of putting these “cups” away, I was
still not finished with this point, and I started to experience my body going literally
into a “collapse”, so I had to stop putting this “cups” away and let them go,
because I realized that some point has these “cups” so many, that I simply can
not do it at once, meaning one day, and thus some of them, took really years to
see them all and let go all.
After years, I realized, that I
became self-forgiveness of myself, and that mind can not longer have authority within
me, and even the way which I have been sounding self-forgiveness to myself, I started to speak and sounds self-forgiveness
quite a different way, and the way I sound and speak self-forgiveness changed a
lot, because I had to match the exact “frequency” or “vibration” or “wave” of
creation of such points within me.
So after many years, and after
many roads walked with me as me and forgiving and letting go and giving to
myself, I became the one who became literally self-forgiveness of myself, and
here I stand and here I am embodiment of self-forgiveness of me as me as
expression of me as who I am as awareness of me, until all will be self-forgiven
and let go and transcended within and as me.
So if you are walking the road of
self-forgiveness of yourself, let self-forgiveness became you, became one and
equal of self-forgiveness of yourself, and you will be sure, that you will
never ever be lost again, or fooled, or deceived, be your mind.
If you became self-forgiveness of
yourself, you will reach silence of yourself, where the authority, direction,
decision, of yourself, will became the expression of yourself, as who you
really are, and you will not longer be the prisoner of your mind.
Do it for yourself, no matter
what, because, at the end, you will see.
Thanks,
Juraj
