Day 83 : Relationships - Me as knowledge EGO

                I know, I know, I know. This is me because I know. I get the information of this world, from this world, and I defined myself accordingly, I shaped myself to this knowledge, of this knowledge, and I became the EGO as knowledge, because I know.

                You can’t be cleverer because I know. You can’t be wiser because I know. You are blind and you are deaf. You can’t see and understand a shit, as you are not even aware everything you are is just illusion.

                You’re not real, you do not exist, and everything you exist as, and consist of, is just memory, knowledge, shaped, molded, be me, by information as formations I created within and as you, and you are not even aware how this formations are created, you do not see how I use you and abuse you by this words you red, heard, saw.

                You do not realize, that who you are, are just connections between this words, but you are not real. You can’t be. Me, as your mind, I am not real neither. I influenced you to such degree, that you even do not see you are under my control and my command.

                I directed you all your life, do you see it? I commanded you, and all your falls in your life are because of me. Because you believed that what I showed you, what I thought to you, is you. It was not.

                When you experienced yourself? How you experienced yourself? You see, those moments you can count easily, everything else, is me, the program which runs within you, the program you absorbed to your body, even the way how you move, is programmed.

                You allowed me to do this with you, it was you who gave me the highest permission in your life, to direct you and use your power, your life source, your essence, your beingness to empower me.

                It was you who brought me to your life, it was you, only you. And you and me, we are the one, deal with that.

                What you will do with that?

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to define myself, shape and mold according knowledge I absorbed into my body, to separate myself from this knowledge and thus create relationships of this knowledge and thus became the EGO as self definition towards and as information and knowledge I was able to absorb into me, and thus move, speak, and express myself according formations of words, as connections and relationships within and as me.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to gave importance to the knowledge of this world and from this world, and thus define myself as EGO, as energy moving within and as me according knowledge I got, and thus shape myself and define myself as more than those who know less, and compare myself with those who know less, to be able to create from myself the more than who I really am, in perception and idea that I need, require and want to be more, that I have to be more than those who know less, instead of see and realize that everything I became is just knowledge and information of this world I absorbed into me, and thus create within me the connections, relationships, and store within and as me as memories of my past experiences.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that knowledge is that what gives my power, security and ability to live on this planet, instead of see and realize that in fact I became the slave of this knowledge and enslaved to this knowledge as I accepted to myself to be directed by this knowledge.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that more knowledge I absorb thus I am more than others, who do not know a shit, instead of see and realize that this is my self deception and self imprisonment as self definition and self limitation to this knowledge as formations created within and as me.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to limit myself and the way of my expression, the way of my speech, my voice tonalities, my movements, my living according knowledge and information I got of and from this world, instead of see and realize that mind knows, but self as who I really am see, thus I do not need to know anything, as I see.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to impose on others my knowledge and information as secret attempt to take them down, to show them how stupid they are, to reveal that they do not know a shit and do not understand a shit, as an attempt to make from myself more, not seeing and realizing that within this I became the slave of the mind, the slave of information I got of this world, and that within this I participated on superiority / inferiority design, and thus support the system of abuse, manipulation and self dishonesty.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to try to make from myself more through information and knowledge splashed on others as an attempt of EGO to win, to show and reveal others that they are losers because they do not know a shit and realize a shit, instead of see myself within this, and see that I participated on polarity game as winner / loser and thus tried to make from myself the one who win, and from others those who lose, as attempt to be the one who get the most energy through winning and those who lose thus they lose they energy, they confidence, they self value.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to tried to value myself through information and knowledge of this world, instead of value myself as life, as equality as life, as breath here, within each breath I take, within each moment I am here, and thus be great full to me and to others

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not see myself through information and knowledge I got of this world, and try to look on things, instead of see clearly and directly what is really here.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to forgot to see me, because I got power to my mind to direct me because of knowledge I got from this world, instead of be here within and as each breath of life here.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to use knowledge secretly as manipulation to maintain my balance and thus show others that they can’t drop me down.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I can be dropped down by others, instead of see and realize that this is because of separation and fear of myself, thus I am here, I stand here, I walk here, I live here, where my body is I am.

Thanks, Juraj

Day 46 : Starting point for change

                I realized, as a young boy, as I saw a females, they movements, speech, attitude, I placed women on the side as – they are better than males, they are the more soft gender, they are more good persona.

               

                I placed woman at certain manner at pedestal in front of me, and I adored women as the being which seemingly are better as males and I wanted to be a better persona because I saw the “ goodness “ in females.

                I was wrong.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to want to change myself and be better person because of women thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to want to prove to women that I can change and be better person instead of realizing and seeing that the starting point to change myself have to be self, as who I am as breath of life here, thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to want to change myself and be better person because I placed women as better than males and thus allowed and accepted to myself to looking upon the females thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to perceive, think and believe that females are more than males as I placed them as more than me, thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to think and believe about myself that I am inferior towards females and that I am less than females instead of realizing that I am equal and one with them thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to fear to speak with females directly and to fear what females will think about myself and to fear how they will behave towards me if I will speak to them directly thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself change myself because of females instead of seeing and realizing that my starting point to change myself have to be self as me as who I am as breath of life here thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to live the desire to be a better person in front of females instead of realizing that it is me who have to wants to be better in front of myself and not in front of others and thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to perceive the females as my savior and desire and want to be in presence of females as my savior of being a better person, instead of realizing that through such desire I am led just be desire and not as self movement as self realization thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to desire to be with a woman as my savior and some one who will show me how to live , what to do as my mother showed me through polarities system how I should live and what I should follow as good and bed and how I should behave towards females thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to behave towards females as polarity friction between good/bad instead of being here and expressing myself here within and as moment of my breath, thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not stand for myself and for my breath as my breath here but just follow program and script how I should behave in front of females.

Thanks, Juraj

Day 24 : Who I am - Choice

                I can choose, who I am, each moment here I can choose to be who I want to be. Very question is, on what I base my decision to be that who I am.

                It is the component of the mind which I chose from? If yes, thus who I am? Submitted slave. It is just so simple, any moment I choose anything as mind, thus by paradox it was not my decision and not my choice as it was choice of the mind, but just illusion of choice.

                And here I breathe and here I see and realize, that choice do not exist. Life has no choice to be life or not, that what is real has no choice to be real or not. What is life is simply life and what is real is simply real thus for that what is real - choice do not exists.

                How simple it is.

                I have no choice. Anytime I think and believe I have choice, I am mind and not here, anytime I perceive I have choice it is illusion, because I am here and thus I breathe and thus I am honest with me and do not allow my mind to dictate and direct me thus I am direction and direction is not choice, as to direct myself do not require to have choice, as choice is not real, simply I am and I direct myself within my speech, within my actions, within my movement.

                I am each moment here? No. How come? Why? Why I still jump into mind? Why I allow myself to spend “time” in mind as time runs only in mind? I see. It is dishonesty.

                It is dishonesties within me as me I allowed myself to live and I allowed myself to became one with and thus do not want to get rid of them all. Mind allows me to be dishonest, mind allows me whoever I want to be, mind allows me to remain locked and trapped in my own illusion about me, mind delivers me whatever I would like, yes, mind does it with open hands, mind always invite me – come, live in me as me and I’ll make you happy and give you everything you pray for, want, need, desire, as I am your god and me as a mind as a god can gave you everything you need. Everything you need to just allow and accept me to direct you as your god, and I’ll show you.

                I became the mind thus I am equal and one with the mind, I see and realize who I became as mind. I have no choice. Me as the body, as flesh, as life I have no choice. Me as the mind have plenty of choices. By paradox I choose to have no choice. It is more simple. Illusion of choice leads nowhere, as mind is never here. I choose to be here and became one and equal with my body and with the flesh as life as I choose to stand up for life and stand up for myself and stand up for all as what is real is life and life is the only value which is worthy to stand up for.

                Give up the illusion of choice and see and realize that choice is just illusion.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to think and believe that choice is real.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to think and believe that choice as the mind is choice I made.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to go into mind as desire and want to have choice and thus remain locked within and as mind as in illusion of choice.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to spend “time” in mind and thus do not be here.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to think and believe that this choice of the mind can be real, instead of realizing that within this I am giving power to my mind to direct me and says me who I am thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to think and believe that through illusion of choice I can choose who I would like to be, instead of directing me within environment I am.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to blind myself with and illusion of choice.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to want to have choice as a tool why I could be dishonest with myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to abuse myself with and illusion of choice.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to abuse myself with allowance to be directed by the mind as energy movement in believing that it was my choice.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to let mind to dictate through illusion of choice what I should do, why I should do and when I should do, instead of being here each moment as breath and stand up for myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to enjoy and like the illusion of choice within and as mind.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to limit myself through illusion of choice and thus believe that when I choose as the mind thus it was my choice and my expression of myself thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to limit and diminish my self expression within and as mind as illusion of choice.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to use the mind as a tool for abuse myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to use mind as a tool for myself to blind myself and trap myself into illusions.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to use mind for my own self deception.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to use mind as a tool for not seeing.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to use mind as a tool for not living but rather for following.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to follow my mind.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to live my mind.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to live my mind as energy need and energy desire and energy experiences within me and my own addiction to these energy experiences, instead of realizing and seeing within moment here that no one of that is real.

Thanks, Juraj