Friday, March 25, 2011

How I manipulated myself to fall

I compared myself with another being, and I saw the fall in this point in that being and I thought myself that this one being knows more about the process and standing and from that comparison I created inferiority in my standing and fear that I will fall in smoking again and I created an excuse that it is not big deal to fall with smoking. So if this being can fall so I can fall.

But I didn’t wanted to fall to smoking as before, to addiction which I cannot be without, so I linked it with drinking coffee, in terms that okey I am going to fall in this point but I will not allow myself to be overwhelmed of this addiction and I will smoke when I will drink coffee, to have this addiction in perceived control.

I was able to smoke only when I drink coffee, but it is fall, no matter what I can add to this.

I noticed interested thing , how can I easily manipulate myself and create excuse and allow myself to fall, how easy it is, to allow just one thought and fall is coming.

When I decided to write about this, my mind literally starts to scream – No ! You can’t do this, you can’t write about this, you can’t reveal it to the others. It could be your secret, you can keep it for yourself and nobody will know how you fall.

Maybe, nobody will know how I fall, but I know how I fall. And I started to laugh on myself when I heard my mind screaming, it was crazy screaming within me, inside me.

Thanks, Juraj

1 comment:

  1. Thank you For Sharing yourself Here Juraj - It also shows that we are Inter-Connected and Co-Responsible for and as This Reality -as well as Walking Alone in Standing Self-Responsible.