Day 33 : Pissed off about limitation, pissed off about myself

                I had strong reactions against one human, in meaning, of how limited is point of view of this human and the way of behavior towards me, how this persona act only from perspective of self interest and do not consider absolutely anything just only own point of view and how limited it is.

                Thus I became curious what it is, why I am so pissed off about this persona, why I am angry of this persona, and why I allowed back chat towards this persona, and therefore what this persona is saying about me, where and how I allowed myself to be fucked and limited.

                I realized, my own limitations, it is my own limitation I see I am pissed about. I was pissed about myself and about me as I see that me points of view, are still so limited, what I realize is still so limited, and thus I was pissed about myself how come that I was not able to see who this persona is in front of me, and I could experience how it is, if I act/acted the way where I considered only me, myself, and do not cared about others.

                It is great shit as I see now, self interest, where only one point is seen as myself as ego is really great shit, from perspective, how abuse and manipulation is allowed and thus became the direction of one’s life.

                I am bit shocked, self interest, as ego, is from certain perspective disgusting, this persona, is innocent in own actions and words, but I realized, how it is, when one act and speak in sake of self interest, it is limitation and it is blindness to reality, to life, to self, to others, to everything.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not see and realize that when I act as ego in self interest thus actually I am blind and limited by the mind as the mind where I follow mind as search for energy and satisfaction thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to limit myself through and as ego of the mind as self interest.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to be angry on myself and pissed off about myself as and on my own limitations and blindness as desire to want to see and realize more thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to be angry on myself because I see and realize that I am limited and thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to be angry on myself because of my own limitations instead of searching and investigating how I can break my own limitations.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not see and realize that I can’t break my own limitations at once but I have to walk my process step by step, breath by breath, within and as breath and do not allow myself to spent time in mind.

Thanks, Juraj

Day 10 : Blood is on my hand

                The river changed color, the water became red as the innocent children, men and women fall into a river, with heads shot right through. Their bodies remarkably tortured, punished, the screaming of voices in pain, dying in agony of war, echoed from rocks in surroundings.

Dying by hands of ignorance, dying by hands of those who refused to look, dying in name of God, for high purpose, for money, for power. I am one of those who just looked.

Thousands innocent people killed in most bizarre scenarios, the pain resonating in the earth and the earth is taking their bodies as they came from earth.

The rain washed the blood and the wind silenced the pain, silence on battle field took place, I just looked. I looked on the agony, suffering and horror which has been created, the question raised.

When this will be stopped? When I stop? This has not been enough to see and realize what I created? When the man will stood up and declare that the mankind will no fight each other anymore?

When the man, will see and realize, what the man is really doing? Killing the life without any movement within, without mercy, no regret and no shame in the man, as the man stand on battle field blinded by the glory of victorious war. But what the man actually won? Has been anything won? Just another torture all around, another war, just more pain and more.

Is the man strong enough, to suppress it and deny? Is the man strong enough, to stand and see directly what the man created?

How long, this will continue? How long and how much people must be killed for man to realize, that inevitably, this simply must end?

The man has beginning and the man has an end, will the man realize?

I looked and I say, the world we live in is insane, man is insane and the man is the most dangerous species on this planet, and what the man is doing must be stopped, who will stand up first, the planet, or the man?

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself the war to exist.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself the fight to exist.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself the war exist as attempt to kill life.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself the war exist as ego and competition where the winner get all as victorious and defeated are doomed and tortured and have to submit as slaves.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to create from competition ego and from this allow and accept create war.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to kill others in various ways to make them more suffer, to feel them more pain, and to get them down in deeper agony.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to attempt to kill life.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to attempt to kill me.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to want destroy life.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to be blind to that what I allowed and accepted toward life.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to accept war as valid point how to get resources which belong to other country.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to accept war as excuse of economic growth.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not see and realize the pain, suffering and dishonor towards the life created during the war.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself the war to exist as manifestation of abuse of life.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to fight for victory and do not look on consequences which this victory brings.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to fight for glory.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to fight for being noticed.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to fight as attempt to make myself more than what I really am.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to fight as manifestation of ego superimposed on sexuality and sexual fantasies and desires.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to fight as point of getting sex.

I commit myself to investigate each point I allowed myself to fight and stop.

Thanks, Juraj 

The words are innocent

                Today I was on conference call with my French co-worker and several folks from customer side.  Call was from certain perspective hard and long as lot of issues we talked about, and at the end they switched to French language for a while to have better communication as it is their native language.

                I do not understand in French a word, so I was just silently listening, as I was hearing the words I realized interesting point.

                As I had no clue what they speaks, It was for me just words, those words couldn’t cause within me any reaction, judgment, thought, or likeness or dislikes, nor perception of positive or negative words, also I couldn’t make any idea or believe about their speech.

                As I have nothing programmed within me in relation to sounds/words spoken in French I realized how perfect the programming of humans is just through words/sounds.

                The judgments or perceptions of the words, not seeing what the word is by itself, what the word really means, but what one thought what this or that word is according own programming and own judgment of the words.

                I faced many times, when people said to me, that this or that word is negative, or wrong, or ugly.  And many times I explained that simply such a word do not exists. There is no ugly word in this existence, and there is no wrong or negative, it is just word, and the word has some meaning and the word stand for something. That’s all.

                And you know what? You like to fuck, so why you judge the word FUCK as ugly? And you like to shit, cause when you have to thus you have to, and why the fuck you judge the word shit as wrong? Is wrong when you shit? And it is ugly when you fuck? It is bad when you fuck? Wake up.

And the word fuck have many meanings and stand for various different explanations within context spoken, so this word is just a word, like apple, like orange, like stand or sit.

                This is the same with positive or negative perception of the words.

                So maybe you will realize that if you judge some word, it is you who is wrong, not the word. The words are innocent.

Thanks, Juraj

               

               

Who dare?

                Who is really interested in self? How oneself created his/hers own reality and why things function the way as they function? Who really care about ones inner reality? Who really care what the real solution is for oneself and for the world around? Who really dare to step beyond own mind and discover what is beyond? Who dare to step to the unknown and see, who dare to give up the definitions of one’s world?

                In last periods, I noticed interesting thing, how self-righteousness takes place in people, self-validation, the opinions and judgments, and even they are not aware they are doing it. They are innocent in this.

Lot of times I speak with people, in the moment about things which are relevant, I see, people are not aware what they are doing and why they are doing. They just do, they just speak, but why and what? That’s hidden. They do not know.

                In the very moments, when I am refusing to feed the personality disorders, when I am refusing to feed the systems within others, because I see for myself, that it will lead to nowhere and will not help to any in anyway whatsoever, lot of times I am rejected, blamed, my words changed and manipulated, the meaning I said turned and misplaced, or anything used against me to prove that I am wrong. I used to take this personally, as I never faced to something like this before. But even in this, people are innocent. Because even in this, they do not know why they do what they do. It is the mind.

                As I see, mind will always try to defend itself, to prove that it is real. Mind will always find ways to try to validate its own existence, mind will use anything possible to prove that it is right. The very common for anybody is just one word – Ego.

                To break down the ego, really require self-dedication, self-commitment, and self-discipline, otherwise it is not possible to step down from the pedestal of self created delusions.

                So, who dare to step beyond self-created fear? Who dare to look inside and see what we really became and how we exist? Who dare to face the truth of ourselves, who dare to look and see?

                If you dare, join desteni.

Thanks, Juraj