Day 172 : Let go the past – Let go the knowledge

                I found, hard and difficult, for me to step beyond this point and embrace this point as me, as it which I separated from, as it point, not me as self.

                I see what I do not see and what I deny as me, this is difficult to see.

Thanks, Juraj

Day 171 : Connection – Con-action

                 I was not able to grasp how people can stop connection to each other, just like that, in one moment, for whatever reason. I was looking on things, how people interact, and once I saw something ending just like that, especially connections of people to each other, I was surprised, little shocked. Despite of this, I was even equally surprised once I was able to see behavioral changes in those around me, moments I was looking on them surprised, not understanding why they changed so fast from enjoyments to anger, etc, I was really surprised lot of times, and lot of times because of reason.

                The reason, why something end, why something start. Beginnings -  Ends repeating. The realization, that true reason I will never know from outside. I can trust only a little to those words I hear as reason of other’s, I saw this many times.  Relationship as connection, as con action thus con as direction of life for simple reason. I was not there, in those moments as direction of life, simply as see as moment in decision, but I followed in my ways energies developed from childhood, and as I as this child was looking on changes around me, this beginnings and ends, I wondered, why cannot something last? Why everything have to end? This seeing, of endings, I become to see this as why that even happened, if it has to end? How being are born and how they die, everything, cycling, and I was shocked.

                There is moment, where everything have it’s own end, and this realization and very question, thus what is going to last forever? As a child I wondered, I wondered and I become naïve, in my way, when I trust, who I trust, why I trust, to someone, something. This wonder, like staring on something and “long“ moment is passing while things are put together because of something unexpected happened just in front of me, related to changes of behaviors of others, and see me as frictional  changes over time, and why I reacted those ways, all those things works the very same principal of beginning and end, and here is funny point, what remain?

                Simplicity is in this realization, everything of the mind will come to the end, because it has to, as this exists by this principle and can’t exist “different way”. The end point of mind energies, brings point where I step forward and thus I am no longer directed by mind. This way mind works in each dimension, and mind by itself, has end point, this means, the question, do I stand as me?

Thanks, Juraj

Day 170 : I stop when I stop – When I stop?

                To stop the point, no matter which point it is, I simply have to decide be here. Once I am not in the mind all days, I see how point after point is challenging me, and I went through lot of them, and this ego point, me as simply this E-go instead of I go, is challenging me constantly, continuously, in such frequency, that is astonishing, once I started to see mechanics of me, understand me, see me as who I am as mind, that I still was not able to stop E-go point entirely. This is quite interesting, as I started to see, that through separations, judgments etc, which minds offer constantly, simply I can’t stop any point. It is simply impossible, because this will still bring polarity and thus friction and energy which will be followed.

Self stops, when self decide, any moment, self move once self stops. Self stops, once self embrace point as self as oneness of self with everything which self stand for as the point, self see. That's self decision,I decide.

Thanks, Juraj 

Day 169: I will all-ways Love you

                I spoke many times the words of love or likeness towards the girls, I dared to, I wished and I wanted those words to be spoken back. I wanted.

                I speak those words and I tremble, I speak and I shake as I am insecure about reply and I wish to hear the words of likeness of me but I fear I am mistaken, I fear things are not the way I perceive and think, I hold the hand and I kiss and I am pleased, I am satisfied, I am experiencing the feeling, the feeling I like, I like this girl, I love her, I know it because I experience this feeling, but, something, something I do not considered, I do not considered, that this, what I experience – is Lie.

                The moments I dared to express and spoke those words towards girls are gone and seem to me like never happened, like just the frame of the past of my actions and my words, my words, as love towards anyone, I was fake. I was fake within such words, I was not aware.

                And this experience and this feeling, is lovely, it is energy moving within me and fulfilling me, this energy I think is love, it must be, this lovely love feeling, must be love because it is directed toward a girl, and I am male thus this is love, yes it is, but, I see – it is fear. Not love not likeness just fear. The fear of me, fear of who I am, why I am the way I am, fear of future and present, as I do not know, I do not see, I am not aware thus I fear and this fear is fulfilling me and I think it is love and I am mistaken and I lie to me and I lie to girl because I fear.

                Within the words I spoke the likeness and love of someone, in fact there was my desires, my intentions, my needs and wants, my projections, how it would be, how things can be, how future can be, my energy and my experiences, within such words I manipulated because of wanting to simply experience what I feel within me, in the state of mind I am experiencing love, which was just – Fear.

                Fear in many ways, fear in me, and I think I will always love you but in fact I will all ways fear you, is true meaning of such words, always to fear, me.

                How strange it is, to say, to someone, and to promise and to project, that I will be all ways in fear towards this being, how insane this is, and more insane, the marriage of two based on the fear as projection to end of the life.

                Blindness within such fear allow the being to commit themselves into a doom of them in lies and dishonor of love, they accept to abuse such word each way possible to maintain their energy, and it is just fear, and they will fight and protect their fear, and they will dare to kill for their love – for the fear.

                The beings, here, as me, blinded within such love, not seeing and realizing what in fact is going on within them and around them, and the moments pass and things are happening and day after day, year after year, decade after decade, life is passing and the life in fear and projection of love and what love is, and within the last moment of the” life”, being realize the most shocking truth about themselves, the truth about their love, and what they lived, but it is to late. To late and all is gone – just this seeing and realization remain – You was fake all life, each way possible, because you feared you.

                I breathe, slowly, I am the breath of the body and I am in and as all parts equally and everything of me is equally considered, shared, touched, fulfilled with me as breath as I am here and I am love, I am expression of love as innocence of me, I love me and I love you as me and this is me as who I am within such moment as I see, realize and understand, for eternity as the truth of love – is Equality and oneness of me.

Thanks, Juraj

               

Day 168: Money Demon

                I am demon of money. I am money demon. I do not care about me in fact, I do not care about anybody and anything. I see no reason and I see no need. I see no future and past is gone. I am present here as demon of me, I am here always as I always was. I care about money which I do not care about. I am paradox of me, I need money but I do not care them. I fuck you because of money and you fuck with me, it is all about money as always was.

                There is no god and there is no devil, there is no higher force as I am the force and I am the doom of me as I do not care. I doomed me ages ago as what I have done to all because of money. I did everything possible to hide my actions, I hide even in front of me. Yes it is possible, to hide me in front of me. It is possible very precious way, simply to split, to split one part of me, and hide to the deepest darkness possible, where light can’t go and where light do not shine.

                And if light goes nearby this darkness I suck this light and even light can’t escape. This is the darkest darkness possible, where I am hidden in front of everything and everyone, I am here. I am within me all the time as demon of darkness, waiting and smiling from the shadows, laughing on blindness of everyone, I laugh on stupidity of mankind and I laugh on stupidity of me, because everything which exists in this world, is only one single point, as all is based on this point, and this point is money.

                Freedom never existed, love never existed, compassion and friendship, as everything of this world is ruled and based only on money. Without money, each one die, without money, each love ends, without money, each friendship ends, without money, life ends.

                The doom of mankind and the doom of everyone is money, mankind is fallen and will be, until money will no longer be the god of man.

                And there is only one god each one follow, and that god is money, you can hide, you can lie, you can manipulate, you can think anything you want about you or this world, only money determine everything of you or me who we are.

                Take away money of your family, your friendships, your relationships, everything will end. Each movement is determined by money, each word you speak is backup-uped of amount of money you have. There is rabbit hole of me and you, and this goes to each point which exists within me or you.

                Who you will be, once you get loads of money? Who I will be? Let’s have a look on those who rule this world, let’s have a look closer, let’s have a look into their eyes, what you will see? Darkness of me and you, who we really are.

                And that’s me, darkness of me of money I do not care about anyone and anything, as within this darkness is demon of money which is me, which is power and control.

                Now I have none, and I am even not sure if I will survive next days. Why? Because, in my entire existence, I really never cared. Even not about me.

                My ignorance became so intricate, that I even do not cared about me. That’s the split I have done unto me, I split me and I do not wanted to see my evil money me.

                I united me in many points, I never did with my evil money twin. I do not know how I can, how I can accept me as all what I have done within this existence because of money. So much lies, so much manipulation, so many murders, so much pain and blood I suffered, and thus I have only one question which remained.

Was this enough?

Thanks, Juraj