Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Day 134 : Acceptance of me as a system




                By following the though I am saying: My mind tell me what I should do and I will proceed because you are my god and I will hear you, your wish is my command, keep me trapped and enslaved.

                By reacting by positive feelings I am saying: The energy I experience and perceive as good and positive is my self delusion, but this is perfectly fine till this illusion will remain.

                By reacting by negative emotions I am saying: My dreams, my desires, my self interest came to ruins and someone should be blamed for it, or I can blame myself and thus turn into remorse, regret and pity of myself.

                By participating on back chats I am saying : I am blind and I can’t decide for myself, I need someone as self talk of the mind to came to a conclusion and thus again turn back to following of thoughts.

                By repeating such actions: Thoughts, feelings, emotions, back chats, I am keeping myself trapped into never ending cycle of the same shit, sometimes with different façade as pictures around.

                By stopping such actions: I am day by day more and more “amazed” how deep my self dishonesty go, how much I accepted to live as a programmed system, and how I became slave of the mind, thus less than a system.

                Things are bit a more complex, but point is clear, to accept the system, or stand up for myself and free myself, and as I am walking my days, my breath became natural, I do not need to note myself each 5 minutes to breathe anymore, my days became more stable, me more stable, as I can say I had never such stability of myself, as I am facing the consequences of my past acceptances and I wanted to get out of such consequences and stop it, but that’s not possible.

                I was foolish sometimes, instead of stop I created even worse consequences by wanting to get out of that what I had to face, and within this, I realized, it is always me, each moment, if I stop, or not.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to program myself through thoughts and energetic experiences of positive and negative and create within and as me patterns of my life, where repeating of this patterns I became believing that I am living, not seeing and realizing that this has nothing to do with life or living me, but just repeating of that what I accepted and allowed to program myself into and as.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to submit to a order of the mind as a voice in the head and through this voice accept myself to became the follower and submitted slave of the order of the mind, as programmed design of my speech, movement, my definitions, believes, projections, ideas, my very living, accepting to became a lie, shadow of life as parasite of physical where I managed the physical to submit to a illusion of the mind, not seeing and realizing that mind is subject to physical and not physical to the mind.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to fear to lose my god as a mind because I defined myself as a slave as the one who need someone who will talk to him as what I will do, when and why, and thus accept to became the servant of a programmed system not seeing and realizing that I thrown away myself as life and accepted the illusion to direct me, to speak to me, instead of stop each single moment I see and realize mind is trying to talk to me.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to became living in fear as mind is fear as mind is based on energy dependency and this energy is most effective way generated by fear, not seeing and realizing that each and any fear is illusion of the mind, to keep me trapped and enslaved.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to fear the outcomes in the future, instead of realize that future is just consequences of my present actions, and by fearing future I am fearing myself and my present actions.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to fear my actions and project this into the future and thus generate and accept fear within me to become my direction.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to fear as how I will survive in the future, instead of see the solutions as common sense as how I can survive, without any fear connect, accepted and created within me as my direction.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to accept the mind as thoughts, reactions, feeling, emotions, projections, ideas, believes, desires and thus became programmed behavioral robot as characters as false image of myself because I separated from myself through illusion of fear.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to abuse, manipulate and mislead myself because of acceptance of following the thoughts, and by this thoughts create energy experiences as positive and negative and thus became as living in polarity friction of myself, not seeing and realizing that if I stop, thus anything what moves within me is of the mind and not myself.

I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I have to be slave of the mind and fear to stop and let go the mind by breath, and utilize the breath as my stability, my presence here, and letting go of the mind as self acceptances of existing as robot.

Thanks, Juraj


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