When life is a LIE

  I went to stadium with several co-workers, exactly 4, they wear civil dress and me also but we as police officers came here to expose some type of crime. The persona in charge of running of the stadium ask me what is my first impress of this place, and I said to him – Look, it looks sad, place where are no colors, just one like shadows with people sitting on bad chairs looking on some folks running down there. He was little bit surprised with my answer, as I didn’t experienced that drive as people all around.

                We went to some small room, looking like cafeteria with television in top corner, people looked totally bored and place like prison room, my co-workers changed their dress into official one, I remained in my civil. As I looked on them, their green police suit remained me that we are army police.

                As we moved down through levels in stadium, I came as first to the basement, co-workers remained on 1^st one. As I moved there between pillars, in the darkness I spot one persona hiding behind one pillar, I was aware that he could have probably gun so I notified co-workers that one of them is just here near to me to make them aware where to focus.

                I noticed another one behind another pillar and another; I became little bit more attentive because I realized that this could be harder than we thought before.

                My co-workers started to move to the basement, I spotted that guys started to catch the guns so I moved myself to do not be in direct trajectory of possible projectiles behind another pillar, but as my co-workers came down, everything started to be to quick.

                From the shadows of weak lights another and another members of mafia clan start to emerge and I realized that we little bit underestimate the situation and possibility of harm and what is going on here and that this crime personas have little bit more power than us.

                In few moments we were surrounded by many mafia members with guns pinpointing on our heads and I realized that we little bit fucked this. One member came to me, she started to touch me and jiggle me wanting from me to touch her, but I was aware if I will put hand on her or attack that it will be signal for them to shot me as I was aware that they make some provocation and then use it as prove to start action and kill.

                I was not aware what happen then, or what she did or how all action ended, because I could not remember anyhing from moment as I fall into coma.

                I found myself sitting on the grass, cold outside and I had only on me the white sweeter and green vest, nothing else, bottom part of my body naked and also no shoes. I was not able to understand situation, so I decided to move somewhere, I spotted bus stop nearby so I moved there, aware that I am naked down but whatever, I needed to move. As I came to bus stop, I sat down on the grass wanting to wait on buss, exhausting, I noticed that I sat nearby some guys, and here noticed my unusual dress so he asked if it something mean, in meaning of sexual harassment I just replied to him that not everything is the way as it looked, and do not wanted to bother myself with someone misunderstanding.

                As I was aware that he could possibly became aggressive so I didn’t want to escalate any conversation, I had enough in my situation, and some bus came and this persona stood up and went on his bus, as he sat down and looked on me I just showed him fucker sign and let him go. Lol

                Another bus came, and it was one going my way so I stood, and I realized that vest I have on my chest I can put around my hips to not be naked and to not scary people around, so I did that and I get on the bus.

                 Back in the army, I had my official police army suit, my subordinates stood in line behind me, and I was really pissed off one of my highest ranked co-worker, as there was suspicion of him to have some illegal deals. We started to scream on each other and as I walked back from him I tripped and wanted to prevent my fall so instinctively I grabbed him for his shirt but just for his chest pocket, which I rend and some sort of ID’s fallen out.

                I took the list of them, and it was unfinished and I realized that this ones are fake and wants to be used for some type of crime and I was really surprised that there was also ID made on my name with my changed picture, and I realized that he wanted to include myself also to some illegal actions and make some fraud of me. As I stared on that picture realizing this, with shacking realization that one of my nearest co-worker wonted to do this, I realized another thing.

                On that picture I had no hairs on chin and made funky hairs on head with some little islands of hairs with metal rings around, looking more like same gang member also with bad shaved sides of my face.

                Through my mind flashed, the point how and when I came to this facelift, I realized that it was once I was kidnapped and questioned by gang members and they made some hairs style to make some more fun from me. I was not aware about this it reveled to me just now in the moment, it was like trauma forgotten but still within me just realized.

                That time, when I came home, my wife was on my surprising not shocked of my look and my hairs, and as I was not aware how this happened to me so I lied her that I wanted to just try the new haircut. My daughter look on me and she liked it, my wife said that finally on my old legs, old age I did something with my hairs which looks good.

                I realized, she lied to me all the time about my look and how she perceived it, and I started frenetically laugh, in my laughing realizing, how much other points she lied to me or my daughter.

                In this frenetic laughing, I realized this shocked me the most, that my life was a LIE. That I lived life of another as a lie, as a hell. Everything I know and experienced was lie, laughing on me and on my blindness.

                I woke up. My body overheated, catching my breath, deeply breathing and I tremble little bit, seeing all of this, looking within me, on the points, from the dream above.

Thanks, Juraj

From illusion into reality

  The thoughts I believed was real, the thoughts I thought are me, those which I was aware of, I let go and those thoughts no more bother me. Just that simple it is.

                The voice which used to speak within me and I believed is me, I let go and the voice no more bother me in my head. Just that simple it is.

                The emotions I thought was real I stopped and this emotions no more bother me. How simple it is.

I used to look more within polarity of the mind on those one which I do not like or those which I do not like to experience. Those I let go and thus I forgave myself, but I forgot interesting point. To let go those one which I like, those one I would like to experience, some of them I let go, but some of them I wanted to keep for myself.

But that’s the same delusion as those judged/perceived as negative, the positive/good is just the second part of polarity.

I realized, how much points are in front of me from positive spectrum which I am going to work on, because, to stand real, mean stand without any illusion of the mind.

One side of polarity, or the other, both are the same illusions.

Thanks, Juraj

Who dare?

                Who is really interested in self? How oneself created his/hers own reality and why things function the way as they function? Who really care about ones inner reality? Who really care what the real solution is for oneself and for the world around? Who really dare to step beyond own mind and discover what is beyond? Who dare to step to the unknown and see, who dare to give up the definitions of one’s world?

                In last periods, I noticed interesting thing, how self-righteousness takes place in people, self-validation, the opinions and judgments, and even they are not aware they are doing it. They are innocent in this.

Lot of times I speak with people, in the moment about things which are relevant, I see, people are not aware what they are doing and why they are doing. They just do, they just speak, but why and what? That’s hidden. They do not know.

                In the very moments, when I am refusing to feed the personality disorders, when I am refusing to feed the systems within others, because I see for myself, that it will lead to nowhere and will not help to any in anyway whatsoever, lot of times I am rejected, blamed, my words changed and manipulated, the meaning I said turned and misplaced, or anything used against me to prove that I am wrong. I used to take this personally, as I never faced to something like this before. But even in this, people are innocent. Because even in this, they do not know why they do what they do. It is the mind.

                As I see, mind will always try to defend itself, to prove that it is real. Mind will always find ways to try to validate its own existence, mind will use anything possible to prove that it is right. The very common for anybody is just one word – Ego.

                To break down the ego, really require self-dedication, self-commitment, and self-discipline, otherwise it is not possible to step down from the pedestal of self created delusions.

                So, who dare to step beyond self-created fear? Who dare to look inside and see what we really became and how we exist? Who dare to face the truth of ourselves, who dare to look and see?

                If you dare, join desteni.

Thanks, Juraj

Clean what is within.

   I sat on my bed, with closed eyes, no pictures within me just some thoughts, coming one by one, slowly, I start to speak self forgiveness, the same slow way, hearing my voice, calm voice of me.

                Breathing, deeply and slowly, and in the dark only my voice I hear, forgiving to me what I have done unto me, what I allowed and accepted and within this I experience cleansing of myself, just me.

                And as we used to clean our body daily and take shower, to clean our teeth, to clean our hands, or even to clean our house, or place we live in, how often we clean what is inside of us? How often we clean what we have accepted, how often we care about ourselves in meaning, what became part of us, how often we clean our mind?

                Do we clean what is inside of us, or just accumulating bullshits of polarity?

                Maybe it is time to start clean what is within with more attention than what is without. Yes, what is visible we clean, we take care, what is within, we can hide, in self delusion, take no one know just we. And even this is not so.

Thanks, Juraj

Life has been forgotten

Recently, I was on a party after long period of time, the place where I used to like dance. Electronic music, people, common place created for people to have fun.

The bar and people waiting in queue for their uplifting drugs I bypassed and went directly near stage and started dancing. The music produced by Dj didn’t fit to my likeness very well but anyway I started to enjoy the dancing and movements of my body, I noticed I have problem to focus on breathing and dancing at the same time, some thoughts went through my mind.

Especially some thoughts connected to this place as memories, place looked the same but was not the same. My dancing movements was little bit hard, like heavy, maybe because I didn’t danced long time, but I would rather say because this movements was of memory, not of expression of me. The movements learned into physical, things I repeated lot of times, mainly about my legs, the movements of my hands I experienced as flow, free from bounds of thoughts.

Some thoughts flashing through my mind, as part of brainwashing of media, of perception, as likeness or dislikes of others, the memories of stuff read or heard on different places by different people, where obviously polarity of the mind takes place. What types of movements are “cool” and which not, what others could possibly perceive as great or not, some type of thoughts I was surprised that could be part of my mind. I let this go and cleared my mind, focused on movements and breathing.

I didn’t care what others could thing about me how I dance, I like to dance as part of the music, as flow of the tone.

Some band started to play, metal music or something like that, I went out, spoke with the people, and waited when the band will finish and could start to dance again. They play to long, from my perspective, so I went again in, stood just near the speakers in front of stage, and I looked on performance of singer, guitarists, and also folks raving on that music. Focused on my breathing, just that, I see, no expression. Just energy of the mind takes place mixed with drugs and people apparently enjoy this euphoria raving and jumping and bumping into each other in frenetic sound of bass guitars.

I see no expression, I hear no sound, the tones penetrating my body and pulsing but I just breathe, and there is no sound and there is no life. The performance of guitarists are far beyond performance of singer, she didn’t express at all, her singing is not possible to understand and she just kneel on speaker all time singing, and in this scenario I see, instruments raped as physical is raped to produce the energy for people to have their portion of fun.

To which extent we created our reality that rape is took as normal apparently judged and perceived as fun and good performance, where in fact, the expression of life has been forgotten.

Thanks, Juraj

Self forgiveness - The voice in my head

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that voice in my head is me speaking, instead of realizing that it is mind speaking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give attention and value to the voice in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that this voice in my head speaking it is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give power to the voice in my head to direct me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to stop the voice in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as mind speaking voice in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this voice in my head is trustworthy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust the voice in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do not stop voice in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that voice in my head must be me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that this voice in my head wants the best for me as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the voice in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hear what the voice in my head is speaking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hear the reason of the voice in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hear the needs, desires, and words in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that words spoken silently in my head are real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that words poping up in my head and chatting are me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that maybe something can be true from the word which mind speaks to me, instead of realizing that each word mind speaks is illusion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself as inferior towards the words in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself inferior towards the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place mind as superior towards me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give value to the words mind speaks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live according the words mind speaks within me in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do not stand up against voice in my head but rather hear it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hear even one word in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give attention to the words in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as inferior towards my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by the voice in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according voice in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as who I am according voice in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I have to define myself as who I am according voice in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I have to follow the voice in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I have to do what the voice of the mind in my head present to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create me as personality according voice in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself according voice in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am less than voice in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am not able to stop the voice in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am not strong enough to stop the voice in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am too weak to stand up against voice in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am voice in my head and that this voice is all I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself according voice in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create relationship within me with voice in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as an illusion of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as delusion that voice in my head is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I stop voice in my head thus I will not know what to do or how to direct myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create habits, patterns of my life and my living according voice in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live out the voice in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect memories to voice in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect past to the voice in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect future projections to voice in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to stop my patterns, my habits.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lock myself within and as mind voice in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remained locked within my mind, instead of realizing that I am able to stop the voice in my head, my thoughts, my habits, my patterns and free myself from dictate of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive voice in my head as authority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that to hear words in my head is normal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that the voice in my head could be beneficial to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I can use the voice in my head as cross reference.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I can use the mind for solving the problems I created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live as an shadow of the mind, dictated and directed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to submit myself according dictate of the mind as voice in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in submission and inferiority towards the voice in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fuck me with the voice in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give permission to the voice in my head to direct me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give meaning to the voice in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that if I hear anything in my head thus it have to be real, instead of realizing that anything which pop up in my head it is just illusion of my mind, just program, script, pre-written program which I gave permission to follow and live out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that mind is over the matter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that what matters is mind, instead of realizing, that what matters is matter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, that I am limitation of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I have to be limited.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that limitation is real, instead of realizing that mind by itself is limitation because of design as script and program.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am less than the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from existence according limitation of the mind.

Self forgiveness - I forgive to myself - 3

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like winning.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not like losing.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like winning money, in games, in conversations.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not like losing money, in games, in conversations.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like jeans.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like shirts.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like sweaters.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like touch.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to get what I want.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like play dota.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like playing billiard.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like playing bowling.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like swimming.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like kayaks.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like to play Legion.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like be without responsibilities.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like coffee.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like to smoke.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like to play for money.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like to lie.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like to manipulate.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like the cola.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like water.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like lounge, trance, and chill out music.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like to be alone.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like to be without money and thus without problems as I defined money as problems.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to define money as problem.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like to be without problems.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like dancing.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like to look clever.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like chocolate.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like to eat meat.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like to eat pomes frites.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like to eat vegetables.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like to eat garlic.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like to eat onion.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like to eat tomatoes.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like to eat potatoes.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like to eat paprika.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like to eat sunflower seeds.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like to eat chips.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like to eat bread and butter with ham.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like to eat boiled eggs.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like to drink coffee.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like to drink black tea with citrus and honey.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like cooking.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like sleeping.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like resting.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like doing nothing.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like to postpone my duties and responsibilities.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to consider others once I need them.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like to care about myself.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like the word like.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to charge word like with positive energy.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to charge word dislike with negative energy.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not like word dislike.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like when no one push on me.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not like when someone push on me.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like my likes.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not like my dislikes.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to judge my likes as positive.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to judge my dislikes as negative.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like the night.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like the red color.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like black color.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not like pink color.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to judge pink color as negative and charge it as negative because of perception that only gays wear pink colors.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like women.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to dislike men.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to behave towards women with positive attitude and towards man with negative attitude.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like the polarity of the mind.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like my bounds and my chains.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not like unknown.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to define myself according my likes and according my dislikes.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to be calm and relaxed.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not like anything which makes me out of my balance.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to judge alcohol as negative.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not like alcohol.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to judge my knowledge and information as positive.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like my limitations.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like my desires.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like who I am as system.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like who I am as a machine.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like the way I live.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like my judgments.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like the future.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not like the past.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to remains stuck in past and the future.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like the thought that this is all I am.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not like the realization that I am limited and bounded and chained and that my life has been pre-programmed and that I never lived myself but just script.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to think that thoughts are me.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to think that I am who is creating the thoughts and to think that thoughts are real.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to define myself according the thoughts which my mind shows me.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like some thoughts and to do not like some thoughts.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to think that I have to follow the thoughts which I like and define myself through this thoughts.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to judge some thoughts as weird, ridiculous, bad, wrong, insane, crazy.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to limit myself according thoughts in my mind.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to think that smoking is freedom.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to think that when I smoke thus this is my free will, instead of realizing that simply I am enslaving myself into something outside of my and creating addiction towards it.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to believe that I am free.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to lock myself into cycles of repeating the same mistakes.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to think that I am inferior towards my mind.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to be directed by the mind and by the thoughts mind shows me.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to live in polarity of the mind.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to think that mind is all which exists.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to think that I am my believes and desires.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to think that I have to fulfill my likes and my desires.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not like to work.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not like current financial system.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to blame others for current financial system.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to blame other for their allowances and acceptances.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not like to eat pasta.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to charge pasta with negative and judge it as negative.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not like to eat boiled vegetables.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not like sauces.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like sun and warm from the sun but do not like sunrays because of sensitivity of my eyes.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not like coldness.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to like the lights in the night.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not like word rape.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not like word abuse.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to judge words rape and abuse as bad and charge it as negative.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to judge word love as positive.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to judge word problem as negative.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not like empty wallet.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not like bank account with zero balance.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not like bank account with minus balance.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not like my falls.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not like repeating the same mistakes.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to think that I have to learn some lesson.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to believe that I have to go through pain, problems, and mistakes in my life.

I forgive to myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to do not like spending money.