Day 147 : Relationship towards me

                I experienced hard pain right in the center of my chest, pressure, even not allowing me to breathe, and within in breath pain raised and pain while breathing became so unpleasant.

                I saw the cause of this pain, as relationship I created within me towards me, and what are the points I created this relationship with me, obviously I based this on my mind, components of the mind and thus living as the mind. As the relationship I created within me towards myself, and thus shape and mold myself accordingly, is of thoughts, perceptions, ideas and believes about myself.

                And as each thought is dishonesty and self deception, thus relationship towards myself I created as self deception of me, as self dishonesty and thus accepting my living this way. As each thought is abuse and manipulation of myself, thus I created the relationship towards me based on abuse of me and manipulation of me. As the each thought is torture of physical, as each energy is pain and cruelty towards myself , thus relationship towards me I created as mind and physical became based on torture, pain and cruelty towards myself.

                Interestingly, this points I was not aware of before, and I perceived everything of this as the mind as living my life, not aware what I am really doing towards myself and why.

                To see and realize why I do what I do, how I created and why myself the way I did, is crucial point to became self honest and stable within and as breath.

                This is quite sad, that our living, we based on mind without questioning the mind and functions of, that we accepted to create ourselves on pain, torture and abuse and even not seeing and realizing that we are doing it.

                I was not aware how I tortured myself, I was not able to see how I abused me, and yes, within this is great simplicity. As each thought, is simply self-abuse, self-manipulation and self-torture. Because within this, self is saying that is less that illusion of the mind, and that what is real as flesh has to submit to an illusion.

                Question is, would you submit to an order, saying you that you have to punish yourself, abuse, manipulate, diminish and torture you, if you would be able clearly see, that this order comes up from illusion, in meaning, that something which is not real, wants you to submit to this form of living? If you would be able to see, that what or who is speaking this to you is just program, created to have control over you? Would you submit to a robot, speaking to you to live according words of program robot has been programmed?

                You probably would reply no, but within this, actually, that robot, that program, is the voice in your head, you believe, is you.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to create the relationship towards myself based on thoughts, feelings, emotions, perceptions, ideas, believes which are of the mind, not seeing and realizing that by this I deceived myself and my living and my life, that I abused, manipulated and tortured myself as life, with each thought, each component of the mind, not seeing and realizing that I am not the mind, but breath of life in equality and oneness with and as my physical body as flesh, therefore not seeing and realizing that I abused, manipulated and tortured the physical as my body with the accepting of living as the mind, as program based on polarity and thus energy friction which is generated based on this living in and as polarity design of the mind.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to create the relationship towards myself as physical body based on that what I copied from my parents, from my environment I grew up and thus that I submitted to that which has been external influences on myself and thus create, shape and mold myself according that which influenced me as external points as behavior of people around me and thus I copied that what I liked and create the positive perception of this and create myself as opposite of the what I do not liked and thus trapped myself into and as polarity design of the mind as good / bad, likeness / do not like and thus exist as program of polarity, instead of living me as life, as flesh within moment here, equal and one with my physical body, not seeing and realizing that by my own submission to the mind I diminished myself as life and tortured myself as life each way possible.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to create relationship towards myself based on illusions of the mind, and therefore that I submit the real flesh as my physical body to the illusions and became follower of this illusion and thus living the illusion, not seeing and realizing that by this I created relationship towards myself based on lie of the mind, lie of the energy experiences, lie of the ideas, believes, perceptions, projection, information and knowledge of this world, not seeing and realizing that by this I manipulated myself, tortured, diminished and dishonored and therefore accepted and allowed to myself to live a lie of the mind, to live a lie of the system, lie of the program as design created to enslave me and trap me through my own acceptances and allowances towards myself.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that polarity as the good / bad, nice / ugly,  superior / inferior, more / less, is real and that this polarities is real living, not seeing that but accepting polarities I simply split myself into two, where I moved within and as polarities of the mind and thus generate the energy as the friction between this polarities as judgments of myself, not seeing and realizing that this judgments are not real, not real seeing me as who I really am as physical as flesh as one, but just following the program of friction and polarity and thus living trapped in the mind, not seeing and realizing that nothing as good or bad do not exists, not seeing and realizing that nothing like superiority or inferiority is real, not seeing and realizing that nothing like more / less do not exists, not seeing that physical as life is real here, stable and one, and that I separated myself from life, from physical by judgments of myself, that I separated myself from myself through accepting to judge me, through accepting to split me, to do not live me but just design of polarities as brainwashing of me.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that any energy experience within my body is real, and think and believe that any of this is real, not seeing and realizing that by this believe I separated myself from myself, that I created distance from myself, because of energy experiences I believes are real, not seeing and realizing that this is not possible to be real, as what is real must remain, and what is not real have an end, and thus only what is real is physical therefore my body as flesh, as matter, and that this is only value which matters.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not see and realize that here is only one constant which always remain, and that it is physical and therefore anything which do not remain is illusions, therefore I separated myself as a being from that what is real as physical because of accepting living the in and as the trap of the mind as polarity design.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not see and realize, that everything I know as information and knowledge is of the mind therefore not real.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not see and realize that anything of the thoughts and of feelings and emotions is of the mind, therefore not real.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not see and realize, that only what is real will remain, thus it is my responsibility to stop to live and illusion and became equal and one with the physical as my body and stop abuse, torture and manipulation of myself with thoughts.

Thanks, Juraj

Day 146 : Worry of silencing friend

                 I was in discussion with friend, and as many times I take the lead of topics we speak about, I became sometimes speaking like “too much“. Within this, I noticed the change in behavior of my friend and that friend became quit, silent and not wanting to speak about anything.

                Thus we sat silent for a some moments and I experienced pain in my left finger point, thus I looked on this point as what is taking my direction in “our silence” and I realized, that It was my worry, as being afraid that I am the cause of making my friend silent and thus worry that because of my words she refused to speak for that period.

                I realized that in any means, my words can’t cause in someone energetic experiences, unless that persona is accepting it, and within this the point, that I never see what is going on behind the “wall” of picture as thoughts, energy experiences or backchats of persona I am speaking with.

                Everything I do, I just speak about different points, realizations, experiences and so on, and thus my worry, that I am the cause of someone stop to speak is my own delusion, as came out clear later.

                I applied SF on this point, of being afraid and worry about myself and my words or that I am the cause of experiences of my friend, and after several moments, she said she start to experience anxiety and that she do not wanted to speak because of this energy experiences. Thus I said several suggestions how she can take on this point of experiencing anxiety and release herself from such bullshits, as it is just her own creation of this experiences she have/had and thus she should support herself with writing and applying SF.

                What she will do about this is her decision. Anyway, interesting point is, how during the communication of two, one or both can start to experience energy movements, points coming up, suppressed and not resolved anxieties, stress, fears, worries and many others points, and also how can one effectively support oneself if is aware about the point which is here.

                Self forgiveness and breath, the points one can support oneself the most.

Thanks, Juraj

Day 145 : Respect and value of me

                As I was born to this world, and grow up and observed what is around me, many orders, restrictions and commands I heard as a points from those which thought they know what it means to educate child.

                They was wrong as they had no idea what they spoke to me and why, they was not aware what they imposed on me, they do not saw and realized how they abused me, that everything was said just for sake of wanting to have control over me, to make me of their image and likeness, to make me submit they will and follow and live their believes, ideas and their life.

                No one cared who I really am, no one cared what I would like to really live, no one respected me as a being and no one respected me as their equals. No one said to me to respect myself, no one said to me to like myself and enjoy myself, no one said to me to value myself and honor myself, no one said to me to cherish me. No one wanted to give me freedom and show me what freedom is, no one in my life ever teach me what I should really know and understand.

                No one as all was blind and deaf, no one as all was innocent in their blindness, no on as they was not knowing, seeing and realizing what they really do and why.

                It is paradox, but no one lived their lives as free beings, not directed and enslaved by the mind. As we are all, trapped and living the illusion of the life, thinking and believing.

                Who really see the madness of this so called “life”? Who see what we created? Who see this world the way it is? Who see, that we all are responsible for this creation? Who see that we created this? Who see that we are creators of this misery what is here?

                Who really see? That we forgot to respect and value life.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to forget to value life and respect life and therefore to respect and value myself as life.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to forget to value mind and energy experiences more than physical therefore more than life.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not give value, respect and honor to myself.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not cherish myself.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not give attention to myself each moment of breath.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not respect myself each moment I am here.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not enjoy myself each moment I am here.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not care about those who are not fortunate as me and thus accept and allow separating myself from them and thinking and believing that I can’t help or care about them.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that I am too weak to help those who are less fortunate than me to make this world for all enjoyable place.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not value others as me, because I do not valued myself.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to separate myself from others because of believes, perceptions and ideas about myself.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to separate myself from here, because of very living in and as the mind, where mind is never here but always in the past.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not want to see what is here, what has been accepted and allowed on this place as horror and pain of majority of being living on this planet.

Thanks, Juraj 

Day 144 : Defined as a male

                Obviously, during my “life time” I defined myself as a male, just purely because of design of my body, and this seeing me as a male became my direction and my living, without any understanding that I just made ideas, believes, projections about me, as what it means to be a male, behave as a male, speak or move.

                I was not aware that this seeing me this way is my trap and illusion of me, therefore not real.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to see myself and define myself as a male, and through this create about me ideas, believes, perceptions, as how I have to move, speak and behave as a definitions of myself within my mind, not seeing and realizing that I am here, in and as breath of life, and not seeing and realizing that by my own self definitions I forgot to live, to be life, to be here and express and live myself in self honesty within and as me.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to think and believe that because my body has male design, thus I have power and control, not seeing and realizing that I never had any power and any control, as I became the mind, the idea, believe, the perception created, shaped and molded by others through observing, copying and accepting to live in and as polarities of the mind.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to separate myself from my physical body through ideas, believes and perceptions about myself as what it means to be a male, not seeing and realizing that I am this physical body, living here within and as present moment.

                I forgive to myself that I have accepted and allowed to myself to do not see nature of me and want to hide and suppress that what I became, as the point of not having to face myself and see and realize how I exist.

Thanks, Juraj