Day 29 : Do I exist ?

                 Today afternoon I fall asleep and I woke up probably after 1 hour, at my surprise I woke up in fear, with fear as fear. The very question I searched why, why it is and how even come that when I go to sleep, that waking up is in fear, as fear, and why the fear as emotion is like “ hunting “ me for several last day.

                Then when I moved out of a flat, I was like not completely awaken, but awaken at the same time, strange, and as I moved, and walked, the question and as a fear came up – Do I exist ?

                Yes me as a body , the body exist, I can be sure that my body is real, but the question was connect towards me as am I ? Do I exist as eye ? Do I exist as I ? And this eye as I of me as a mind is self made construct, creation of myself according perception, thus why the fear if I exist as I see that it is not real ? Did I thus created within me the relationship to this I as a believe that I cannot live without I ?

                The body as a flesh, apparently can exist without I as the illusion of me witch I defined myself into, but the fear if I exist came from nothingness I experienced as me, to experience me as nothing as no existent nothingness, but as I am nothing thus I exist ? is therefore nothing nothing ? Or this nothingness is by paradox everything as me who I am ? thus I am as nothing but I still exist ?

                How I can be as nothing and exist?

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to fear that if I am nothing thus I do not exist.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to fear the nothingness as nothingness of me.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to fear that I can exist as nothing.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to fear me as nothing as no experiences of energy of the mind as no experiences as positive and negative, no self judgments and no polarity of the mind thus I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to myself to fear to cease to exist as a mind and fear to let go myself as definitions within and as mind.

Thanks, Juraj